


What We Deserve

by Marauder_Lupine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Remus/Tonks, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2017-12-14 18:06:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauder_Lupine/pseuds/Marauder_Lupine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin and Severus Snape survive the war. Years later, they run into each other. As their tentative friendship grows, Remus realizes he wants for more than just a friendship. Severus though, thinks that Remus and Teddy are more than he deserves and has difficulty letting go of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at dipping my quill into the Harry Potter fandom. Be gentle, if you will.

“Teddy, don’t go too far up now.”  
“I won’t, promise.”

Remus Lupin watched as his son climbed higher and higher into the large tree at the park they were visiting. Remus and his son Teddy first visited the little village while they were traveling. Apparating long distances was difficult enough, but with a little boy in tow, it was necessary to make a few stops along the way. The quiet village sat on a hilltop, close enough to smell the salty sea air from the water down below, but just far and high enough to have a beautiful view of the cold ocean. There were a few grander homes down below, ones with great staircases that led straight to the beach below.

Remus much preferred the view from up on the hill though. It was nice to breathe in that cool, ocean breeze, but he wasn’t too interested in having the ocean meet his yard.

“You’ve still a bit of a cold, remember. You know it makes it difficult to keep your form.”

Remus sighed and watched as Teddy balanced himself on a thick branch and then hopped across to a smaller one. The little boy had taken his shoes off and his feet were two furry little things clutching at the tree limbs like a monkey’s.

“Dad, did you see that? ” the little boy shouted proudly. “Harry says with my speed I could play Seeker one day. I just need to work on my bal-al-”

Remus jumped to his feet, hoping to reach his son in time, but he was a just a few steps too late. As Teddy sneezed, his furry feet morphed back into his own. He lost his footing on the precarious branch. He slipped and fell to the ground, the grass not helping to ease the impact of the fall. Teddy feel hard and landed awkwardly on his arm, groaning in pain.

Sliding to his knees beside him, Remus cradled his son, minding the indubitably broken limb. “Teddy, are you alright? Did you hit your head?”

For the briefest moments, he considered Apparating all the way home, but he knew right away that that would only cause more danger. He had to find a public Floo. Before Teddy could answer his question, Remus scooped up the small, crying boy and made his way back to the small village where he could Floo back home and find help.

While people stopped and stared for just a moment, no one made much of a fuss over the thin man with graying hair or his small son. Had he been in his right mind, he would have been paying more attention to the people around him. Even after the war, it was something he couldn’t help but do - pay attention to those around you. Secure the area. Watch out for your own.

Nearly toppling over, but thankful for his lycanthropic abilities, Remus’ steps merely faltered a bit when he ran into another body. Quickly, he found his step and kept forward, forgetting the niceties for once, he threw a simple “’m sorry” over his shoulder. It wasn’t until he heard that familiar voice calling after him, that Remus stopped.

“Lupin?” was all that the voice said, but Remus knew that velvety tone well enough to sigh in relief.

“Severus, oh, thank Merlin,” he said as he turned back to the man he’d bumped into. “Please, can you mend bones?” Severus Snape, for the first time, caught a glimpse of the boy tucked against Remus’ body. With his thin, villainous lips pressed tightly, he gave a terse nod and took Remus’ elbow, leading him into the furthest corner of a huddled group of cottages that lay at the west end of the village.

Closing the door behind the two visitors, Severus finally spoke. “Sit. There,” he pointed to a sofa. Remus did so, with Teddy in his lap. “Please, Severus, he’s in pain.”

“I haven’t the slightest how to mend a child’s broken bone,” Severus answered, grabbing a handful of powder from on top of the mantle. “I know a Healer from St. Mungo’s who does.”

Teddy and Remus both looked at each other, frightened even more than before. Teddy began to clutch at his father with his good arm.

“No!” Remus said, the fear evident in his voice. “No healers, I thought you could help him.” He stood up and grimaced as Teddy gasped out in pain at the jostling about. “Thank you, but I’ll just take him home. If we could just use your Floo.”

In his panic and worry, Remus hadn’t heard Severus make the call. “Don’t be ridiculous, Lupin. Neither one of you is in any shape to travel. The boy will be just fine in a few minutes, so just sit down.” Severus moved away from the fireplace just as the flames flared green.

When Remus saw the golden blonde, young man step from the fireplace, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He slumped back into the sofa, smoothing back Teddy’s hair to reassure the boy he was going to be fine. “Dad,” Teddy whispered, his pain and worry just as clear as his father’s had been moments ago. “It’s okay, son. You’re going to be fine, just stay calm and try not to move, alright?” Teddy gave his dad the best smile he could muster, knowing that they’d discussed what Teddy was supposed to do in situations just like this.

Draco Malfoy stepped closer to Remus and Teddy, kneeling before them. “I’m going to take a look at your arm,” he said, trying to sound less threatening and intimidating than he usually did.

After running his wand over Teddy’s broken arm, Draco stood. “I need him to lie down here.” Remus hesitated, but did as he was told. Teddy, lying down, trying hard to control his tears in front of these strangers, did as Healer Malfoy told him as well - to lie very still, and try not to flinch as he ran the tip of his wand over the broken limb.

Remus watched as the young man who had once threatened his life years before worked to heal his son. He fidgeted as Teddy took a spoonful of whatever potion Severus had handed to Draco. “What is that you’re giving him?” Draco huffed, offended that Remus would question his skills. Severus spoke for him, “a very mild sedative and pain relieving potion.” Remus nodded, and saw his boy’s arm glow slightly and return to normal.

“Done.” Draco said, draping the boy’s newly mended arm across his stomach. Remus moved to sit by his son’s side, gave him a small smile and said, “All better, then?” Teddy smiled up at his dad, and said a quiet “Thank you,” to Healer Malfoy.

“Now that the boy’s taken care of, are you going to share with us just what happened to him, causing you to come barreling through the village?” Severus spoke with his usual sarcastic, accusing tone of voice.

Remus allowed himself a small chuckle. Always the professor.

“He’s much like his mother,” he said, smiling down at his son, again smoothing back his golden brown hair. In an instant, that golden brown hair turned to a violent pink shade, causing Remus’ smile to widen.

“A metamorphagus,” Severus said, mildly impressed with the boy’s abilities.

Draco, who had run his wand over the boy once more, scowled a bit, marring his handsome face. “A bit like his father too, isn’t he?” he snorted, directing a glare at a suddenly white-faced Remus.

Severus snapped his attention between the small boy with drying tears on his cheeks and to his rapidly paling father.

“No!” the boy shouted, sitting up, fighting through the soreness he still felt in his arm. “I’m a metamorphagus only. Like my mother was.”

“That’s why you were so frightened by my calling a Healer. He’s,” here, Severus’ voice faltered for what Remus thought must have been the first time ever. “He’s like you. A wolf. Unregistered.” He snarled, not at all hiding the familiar hatred in his words, which Remus had come to expect from Severus.

“Please, Severus, Draco,” Remus knew what he must have sounded like, begging these two men who had just helped him, but now was no time for such frivolous things as pride. He clutched at his son’s hand, wondering if he’d even be able to Apparate from inside the house. Surely Severus would have wards to prevent them from doing so, but he had to try, if it came down to it.

“Don’t take me away, please. I’m all my dad has. He needs me.” Remus couldn’t help the tears from forming in his eyes. He closed them for a moment, as his heart clenched at hearing his son’s pleading. “Please, just let us go home,” he said.

After a long, intensely silent moment, Draco stood up and looked to Severus. Severus gave him the slightest nod and Draco turned back to Remus. Remus was sure he was only aggravating his son’s injury, but he held tightly to his hand nonetheless.

“Give him another spoonful of this in the morning,” the young man said, holding out a small vial. Taken aback, Remus mindlessly took the potion, keeping his grip on Teddy, who was looking up at his dad, and keeping his eyes on Draco’s grey ones. “I’ve no interest in taking him to St. Mungo’s, but if ever you should run into a Healer in an emergency, you ought to inform him of his condition.”

“I’m sure you know that lycanthropy can affect the potency of a potion,” Severus finally spoke. Remus wasn’t sure what to think about the seemingly calm and unbiased words coming from a Malfoy and Snape.

“Can you stay for tea, Draco?” Severus spoke again, after the stunned silence became too loud for him to stand.

Draco shook his head, “No, unfortunately. I’ve got a patient who needs seeing to soon.” Draco looked down at Teddy, “You, you’ll keep those bones in one piece, you understand?” Teddy nodded his head, earning just the slightest smirk from the young Healer.

“It’s a shame you don’t invite me over more often, Godfather.” Draco teased the raven haired man. “Once you claimed the second largest bedroom as your own, I didn’t think it necessary,” Severus quipped, walking over to the fireplace with Draco. Draco gave his apparent Godfather a dazzling smile before grabbing a handful of powder.

Snapping himself out of his daze, Remus let go of Teddy’s hand and walked over to the two men saying goodbye. “Thank you, Dra-,” he paused and smiled a bit. “Thank you, Healer Malfoy. For taking care of Teddy. And for not reporting him to St. Mungo’s.” Draco gave him a nod of acceptance. “The Prophet,” Remus hesitated, “They’re wrong. I can see you’ve become a fine, young man. You’re not like your father; I hope you’ll take that as a compliment.” Draco opened his mouth to speak, but simply nodded.

#####

Severus sat at his kitchen table, sipping his morning tea, grumbling to himself over The Daily Prophet. “Worthless,” he said, throwing the paper to the floor beside him. “Incendio,” he said with a flick of his wrist, and followed it with another flick and an “evanesco,” to get rid of the burnt remains of the paper. He loathed Rita Skeeter and her articles about Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived Twice, and his career, and his wife, and his friends.

Even more so, he hated the articles about young, Healer Malfoy, who was rumored to have plans of holding St. Mungo’s hostage until his father was released from Azkaban, and his murdering Godfather, who hadn’t saved the young boy’s soul from an awful deed, but instead took great pleasure in being able to kill the one man who had seen the sliver of decency in him. The same man who had offered forgiveness for his unyielding servitude.

The night he had begged not to be killed or taken to Azkaban, he hadn’t believed he would be asked to murder someone he had grown so close to, to see as the father he never had and wanted to please, at no matter the cost to himself.

Severus sighed, he would never get used to the knowledge that Albus Dumbledore died at his hand. Not that he would ever let himself. He killed Albus, and lived through the final battle, there was no amount of suffering he could endure to make up for that. He hadn’t wanted to live to see Voldemort’s demise; he’d done his job, given Harry Potter all the information he would need. He was to be left to die there in the Shrieking Shack. Insult to injury he told himself as he had lain there, bleeding out slowly.

He was going to die there, in Lupin’s little lair. He was sure the spirit of Sirius Black had been laughing at his expense. But none of that had mattered really. He had been prepared to die, to go willingly off to where ever souls as black as his were sent.

He hadn’t though. The same selfish man who had first gone over to Voldemort’s side had been happy, grateful even that Potter had been kind enough to tell Draco where his supposedly dead body could be found, after the battle was won. The bitter, self-loathing man he truly was however, had been devastated to hear footsteps approaching him that night. He was meant to die, after all the blood on his own hands.

When he opened his eyes and caught Draco’s tired grey eyes staring at him, his face nearly as pale as Severus’. “It’s just a bit of blood,” he had coughed out, the blood seemingly pouring out more freely with the little effort. “Quiet,” Draco had said, shaking himself free of the shock of seeing his godfather bleeding out. Immediately, Draco set about sending up a signal to call for help. He took out the anti-venin potion Severus had discreetly given him months before and poured it down the other man’s throat.

“Draco,” Severus had said, swallowing the potion without a fuss. “No, be quiet, please, rest. Mother will be here in a moment to help you to the castle.” Severus nodded, resting his hand on the boy’s forearm.

In that moment, realizing he wasn’t going to die there, he was grateful for the chance to see Draco one last time, even if it was only to be taken away by the Aurors as soon as they got wind of him being alive. He’d have some satisfaction in knowing his godson was alive, and safe.

With another sigh, Severus emptied his tea cup, and set about his normal day.

He was only slightly angry that he was unable to brew a potion Draco had requested, as his trip to the market had been ruined before purchasing the proper ingredients. He knew he couldn’t delay another trip for too long, but he was in no hurry after the surprise events of the day before.

Delaying another trip, he began brewing another potion that had been requested. It was a simple potion, one that he could mindlessly do. Doing so though, caused his mind to wander to people from his past, whom he wasn’t supposed to have run into.

#####

Severus Snape wasn’t allowed any sort of happiness, that’s what he had concluded long ago. There were four exceptions to that though. Draco was one of them, the only lasting exception, another was Lily Potter’s friendship, that had been cut short, made null and void when he caused her death, his relationship with Albus was ruined when he was asked to risk not only his life, but the last shred of goodness in his soul and ordered to kill him, which he had, lastly, was his ever-present attraction to Remus Lupin.

That too, wasn’t anything great. He was attracted to the man, but he still hated him most of the time, hated his friends. He could allow himself to feel both attraction and hatred for the man. His attraction was never going to be reciprocated, so it didn’t matter anyway. He didn’t deserve to have his feelings shared, after all.

Remus Lupin was always a quiet one, even more so it seemed when his friends were teasing and hexing him during their years at Hogwarts. He could take care of himself though, and gave as good as he got most of the time. While it had been the job of a Prefect to stop such actions, Severus hadn’t need the other boy to come to his aid.

When he’d learned that Remus was a werewolf, Severus had been terrified, and angry, and bitter that his own feelings hadn’t been taken into account on that awful night. Sirius Black hadn’t been properly punished, and he hated that it had been James who’d saved him. No one cared that the greasy Slytherin had been nearly killed, so long as he didn’t say a word about it.

However, even that incident hadn’t kept him from stealing glances at Remus during class or in the Great Hall. Half the time, the looks were filled with hate and anger at what he was and what he had nearly done, the other half were of longing. Had the incident at the Shrieking Shack not happened, and had Remus not been friends with Potter and Black, they could have been friends.

But Remus was friends with Black and Potter though, and the incident at the Shack were as real as the three claw scars left on his chest. By the time Remus had come back to Hogwarts to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, he had grown into the cold, bitter man he was now. He realized very quickly that his attraction was ever present, his wanting for it to be something mutual, though was no longer an option he was willing to entertain.

Severus had been far more jaded then he ever was. He’d already had blood on his hands, the blood of Remus’ friends. It was better for him to forget the wolf completely, but he had been so damned polite and pleasant. He put forth his best effort to keep the man at bay, which was quite easier than he had anticipated.

All of the talk and rumors of Sirius Black had made it much easier. It was easy to be cruel when he remembered how the two had been friends, how one of them led him to be killed by the other.

But then, he’d learned the truth about Black. He hadn’t wanted to believe it, but he hadn’t the choice. The headmaster had believed it, and so he had no choice but to take it as truth.

The anger he felt at being made a fool of once again by Black, and by Potter Jr., and Remus, by mere association, had made him spill the secret he had promised to keep as a boy. Remus was forced to resign from his position.

All that, and it hadn’t even worked.

So still, he admired from afar. He allowed himself bits of that particular happiness whenever he felt brave and strong enough to endure the pain, guilt, and anger that often accompanied it. It was quite complicated, his attraction.

When he could steal a glance at the man at Order meetings, see the smile that reached to his eyes or hear a breathy laugh escape his lips, and feel brush of fingers when he brought the man the Wolfsbane potion - he enjoyed them completely, if only in secret.

That had worked well enough for him. He could allow himself that much at least.

Draco, and only bits of Remus - smiling, and laughing, and especially the bits of touching.  
That was enough.

#####

It was well into the afternoon that same day when Severus had heard a screeching at his kitchen window. He’d left his potion simmering in it’s cauldron to allow the small, spotted owl into his cottage.

The owl had hopped obediently onto the back of a chair and held out its leg. Severus took the bit of parchment and offered the owl scraps of toast, which it ate before flying back out the window.

Severus was sure the letter wasn’t from Draco, but nearly no one else knew where he now lived. He’d left Spinner’s End after the continuous Howlers and poisoned letters demanding he send himself to Azkaban for the crimes he’d been exonerated of.

He carefully opened the letter, noting that it smelled not of acidic residue meant to poison him, but instead of the slightest hint of chocolate. A scent he always associated with Lupin. He unrolled the parchment with a little more speed, wondering only in the slightest, if his potions could have caused any sort of bad reaction to the young boy.

He sat again, at his kitchen table, and began to read.

> Severus,
> 
> It’s just occurred to me that I wasn’t able to thank you properly for your quick reaction and help yesterday afternoon. I neither apologized for bumping into you down in the village market, nor did I even finish telling you what happened. My manners are usually much better, I assure you.
> 
> Teddy and I would both like to thank you properly however. We’d like to cook you dinner sometime, if that would acceptable for you. For you and Healer Malfoy both, if he is available, of course.
> 
> We await your owl,  
>  Remus & Teddy

Severus swallowed the small lump forming in his throat. Thank him? Remus seemed jumpy and cautious of being here. Why would he want to come back? Certainly he wouldn’t tell anyone that he was here, would he? He wouldn’t tell people how the once intimidating Potions Master now spent his days reading and tending to his garden, would he?

“No,” Severus said aloud to himself.

Most people took Remus’ quiet, polite nature as passive, but Severus knew better. Remus was always genuine, he wouldn’t offer his thanks if he wasn’t sincerely thankful.

Severus stood up and went to check on his potion. After setting the caldron aside to clean itself, Severus leaned against the worktable and pondered the offer.

He didn’t need anyone coming to pity him, or to make him dinner. Truth be told, he was a rather fine cook himself, thanks to his skills as a Potions Master. He rarely used those cooking skills however, he usually only did so when he knew Draco would be coming over for dinner. Most of the time, it was just him in his little cottage. He ate out of necessity, what was the point in having a grand meal when there was no one else around with whom to share it?

More than once, in his final months, Albus had told Severus that when the war was over, after Harry had destroyed Voldemort, he would be free of all debts and could live his life free of all the burdens he was tied to. Albus promised him that everyone would know the best of him, that the world would no longer see him as a former Death Eater, but as the true man he had become.

That had not happened exactly.

Some people still saw him as a Death Eater, but the majority now saw him as a murderer. Which he was, Severus could not deny that. Albus had been wrong about his future. He hadn’t cared very much then; he hadn’t expected to make it out alive after all.

Severus shook his head with a confident determination; Albus was never wrong, perhaps he could have something more than the isolation he’d always known.

Grabbing a bit of parchment and a quill, Severus scribbled in a harsh handwriting his reply to Remus and his son.

> That would be acceptable, at your convenience.

> SS

Severus sent his own owl off to deliver his response. He, of course, was unable to focus on his potions, no matter how elementary. All of the fear and doubts he’d ever had that Remus was no different from his friends crept into his mind, threatening to drive him mad if he didn’t find someway to preoccupy his mind.

He gave in, pulling on his coat, he headed to the market in the grey, drizzly weather.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who took the time to write a comment or leave kudos. Very much appreciated it. I hope this chapter won't be too much of a disappointment.

Severus quickly checked himself over in his bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror in its tarnished frame. He subconsciously straightened the collar of his shirt, then scowled and scolded himself when he realized what he had done. Or more likely, why he had done it.

Who was Remus, that he had to try to impress him. He didn’t. He huffed proudly, and cursed himself. He wondered if it was too late to their dinner plans.

Severus glanced at the clock in the hallway as he walked to the study to await his guests; Remus and his son would arrive shortly. Despite his best efforts, he found himself restless and unable to keep from wondering if accepting the offer of thanks was a mistake. It was indeed too late to change plans.

After a few moments pacing the study, he forced himself to stop. He was acting ridiculous, he knew, but he couldn’t help himself.

That frightened him slightly. It was so rarely that he felt himself unable to control is body and mind. He’d go mad with unease if he didn’t stop and settle his mind. So he did. He forced himself to steady his breathing, and clear his mind.

When he had done that, he forced himself to sit in his favorite arm chair, the one that, despite the years he’d lived in this village, with the woods just outside his cottage, with the rich scents of tree and earth, and the ocean at the bottom of the hill and the salty sea air, still smelled of the comfort he found at Hogwarts, in his dungeons.

Somehow, magically perhaps, the arm chair still carried the ever-present chill of his quarters too. The chilliness still managed to take his breath away for just a moment on the hottest of summer days. Concentrating on the smell of Hogwarts, and the chill of his dungeons, he relaxed.

He sat, staring at the fire, his legs crossed at the knee, right over left, just as he had so often at Hogwarts. It was his home; had been since he was just a boy. It had been more special to him than his own home at Spinner’s End. He rested his elbow on the arm rest and held his chin in his hand, and he closed his eyes. Sometimes, when he was nostalgic and lonely enough, he could do just this, and it seemed almost as if he was still there.

Just beyond, he could pretend, were his young charges; the children who turned into teenagers and then into young adults under his tutelage. While Slytherins were fiercely independent by nature, they were still kids. They came to him seeking advice, like the Gryffindors went to Minerva, the Ravenclaws to Filius, and the Hufflepuffs to Pomona. In that sense, his Slytherin students were no different than any other students at Hogwarts.

But they were certainly different in other ways.

To steer the children of Death Eaters and families with pure-blood prejudice in the safest direction, while maintaining his secrets, was a daunting task. But one that he took to heart completely. He did his best.

He was hard on his students, they wouldn’t expect anything less from their Head of House, but even still, his Slytherins were the only students who ever stood up to protect him against the other gossiping dolts he taught. He didn’t ask it of them, and was always stunned when he heard of any instances. He appreciated their respect and admiration.

Albus always told him he was doing everything he could do to protect them. And he told himself that many times, over and over.

But he hadn’t; he had failed them completely. Of course, there were some Slytherins who had joined the battle that last night. But even some of them, those who out of self-preservation or otherwise, had decided to fight against their families and friends, had not lived to see the end of the battle.

Days after the battle, he had woken up in the hospital ward, his neck bandaged, his body so tired he felt he could sleep for months, his vision blurred, his blood itching - all effects of the snake’s venom. He wasn’t sure he’d survive the battle, hadn’t expected to, really. Both sides of the war would want him for betrayal. It was with relief and, while he’d never admit to it if the subject was brought up, with tears, that he recognized Draco, sitting beside his bed.

It had taken him only a few minutes upon waking up to remember what had happened, how Draco had found him in the Shack and called his mother for help. He remembered the anti-venin, and Draco talking to him softly, with tears of his own streaking down his young, pale face.

Draco had said he’d passed out just before Narcissa and Lucius arrived to help.

In the following days, it was Draco and with more relief, a few other Slytherins who visited him during his brief bouts of consciousness. Each familiar face he saw was a boulder lifted from his chest. He had succeeded with a few of them, it seemed.

It was nearly two weeks after he’d woken up that Draco finally informed him that a few of the visits he’d had were Auror-escorted. Some of his students were being held by the Ministry for questioning about their families and housemates who’d been captured.

The others, the ones who were no longer being detained, were staying at the castle, helping with repairs, as they had no where else to go - orphaned after the battle.

He had spent a total of three weeks in that hospital, in and out of consciousness, while Madame Pomfrey tended to his poisoned body. She, apparently, had refused to let him be taken to St. Mungos, where they both knew he’d be treated unkindly and most probably wouldn’t get the proper care he needed. He was, after all the promises and saved lives, still a murderer. So, there he stayed with Madame Pomfrey and Draco Malfoy, in the hospital ward at Hogwarts.

Finally, his mind was eased and relaxed. He slumped further into his chair. One of the few relics he was willing to take from the only home he had ever known. He let his mind continue to wander and relished the sights he could so clearly remember.

He remembered the hospital ward - across the corridor that led from his dungeons, and up three flights of moving staircases. He remembered Madame Pomfrey, who had healed his bruises at the start of term every year when he was a boy.

_“You’re underfed, boy. I think you’ve managed to lose what little weight you put on last year. Oh, dear. Bruised again, Severus?” He had lied to her, said he just didn’t like his mother’s cooking, and that the boys in his neighborhood were bullies._

_“I’m fine now.” He had said to her, genuinely meaning it. At Hogwarts, he was safe. Of course, he had the likes of James Potter and Sirius Black to bully him, but they, he could handle. It gave him confidence being at Hogwarts, it was his home, and no one was going to bully him without a fight._

She’d known, of course, that those bruises he came to school with, weren’t all from bullies. As far as he knew, she had kept his secret. Or at the least, whomever she told, made it a point to never make it known they knew as well.

Years later, when he had returned to Hogwarts to teach, she still chastised him for not eating properly.

_“Years of the same food, day after day… diligent workers they may be, but creative cooks the house elves certainly are not.” She glared at him before he nodded, silently agreeing that he would eat better, all the while, trying to keep the smirk off of his face._

Of course, when he’d come back to the school after a meeting with Voldemort and had given his prompt report to Albus, she was there to tend to his bruises then too. Most of the time, they were wounds and aches he could heal himself, with potions he kept stored just for such occasions, but she’d never allow it. His tired body, thoroughly aching from bouts of the Cruciatus curse or other foul hexes, would find itself in the hospital ward before he’d known it, and she had taken care of the rest.

No one ever told her why he sometimes left the castle for hours at a time, at all hours of the night, or why he’d come back hours later, scrapes, bruises, and aches littering his body. Of course, she had known the truth about that too, he was sure. The slight, usually rock-steady hands would tremble when toweling his face after a post-Cruiatus seizure took his body was what always gave her away. She was a great mediwitch, after all; she knew what caused those seizures.

He smiled ever so slightly, playing with a loose thread on the arm chair that reminded him so much of his old home.

Not all of his memories were the happy; he had quite a few that were quite terrible, actually. Though in his year as Headmaster he had betrayed the castle that gave him such comfort, it was still home. He missed his dungeons, the pitter-pattering of rain against his classroom window late at night while he graded essays, violently marking them with his red quill.

He didn’t deserve to have such fond memories of his home, but he was a selfish man, and was glad to have them.

He could never go back, but it was calming that he could still remember how it felt to be within the comfort of the ancient, powerful magic that had protected him, and everyone else within its grounds.

####

A flash of green just beyond his eyelids stirred him from his memories, and when he opened them, he wasn’t surrounded by those high, stone walls, but instead by Remus Lupin and his son. The two of them brushing a light coat of soot off of their robes.

Smiling, Remus found Severus’ eyes. The crinkles around them softened though, studying the seated man. He looked tired, and older than he had the other day. He was a bit pale too, even more so than usual. He held his son’s hand, but stepped closer to Severus, who was pulling his body from the arm chair with notable reluctance.

“Are you alright, Severus?” Remus asked quietly, not wanting to alarm Teddy or set off a possibly angry or upset Severus. Severus saw, quite clearly, the concern in the wolf’s blue, searching eyes more than he heard it in his voice. He nodded once, “fine,” he said, making a note to be more careful around the man and his penetrating gaze.

Lupin was perceptive and intelligent, and very cunning. Severus suspected he could have easily been sorted into any of the four houses. But what nearly killed the boy only made him stronger, braver when he got to school - and so he was placed in Gryffindor house, where dwell just the sort.

Catching the other man’s eyes for a moment, Severus noticed that, like the sun’s rays beaming and reflecting in the icy ocean, Lupin’s blue eyes shone and glittered with a hint of golden hues.

That, Severus suspected, was a result of his lycanthropic condition. They were the only bit that wasn’t entirely shabby on the man.

In what he hoped was an imperceptible gaze, he quickly noticed that what he had assumed as shabby was actually neat and modest, in a tired and worn sort of way. He looked well, he settled on after a moment of consideration.

####

Remus and Teddy wore their best robes for the evening. Remus’ were of an almond brown color, while Teddy’s were a deep plum. Severus chastised himself for thinking how wonderfully well the robes brought out the golden hues in Remus’ eyes and complimented the tawny of his graying hair.

“Ah, Severus, I hope we’re not disturbing you. I know we’re a bit early.” Remus said, noticing Severus, still sitting in his arm chair. “No, not at all.” Severus managed to say, feeling as if he was caught staring. He stood up and stepped closer to his guests.

“Teddy, let’s not be rude, say hello to professor Snape.” Remus gently pushed his son in Severus’ direction, urging him to say hello. Teddy, a bit shy and probably intimidated by the Potions Master, croaked out a “Hello.”

Severus bent at the waist, shortening the height difference between him and the small boy, and extended his hand. “Hello, Teddy. I see you’ve managed to keep yourself in one piece. Well done.” Remus smiled. Teddy, growing bolder, stuck up his chin, and shook Severus’ hand, saying, “It’s an honor to get a chance to meet you properly, professor Snape. My father has told me a lot about you.”

Severus raised an eyebrow and looked to Remus, who shrugged another smile.

“I assure you, Teddy, whatever he might have said, it’s blatant lie.” Severus said to Teddy, standing up straight. “And there is no need to address me as professor Snape. I gave up teaching a number of years ago. You may call me Severus.”

“Can I see your potions lab, Severus?” Teddy asked excitedly.  
“Teddy,” his father reprimanded.  
“Sorry. May I see your potions lab… please?” Teddy tried again. Earning a much more stern, “Teddy,” from his dad.

“Perhaps a bit later,” Severus told him. He’d never had to deal with children this young, only Draco, and Draco had been quite a handful, if his memory severed him correctly.

####

Remus made his way into the kitchen, his little assistant just behind him. “What are we going to make, dad?” he asked, bouncy around the counter while Remus enlarged the bags he pulled from his robes to their rightful size.

“Well,” he said to his son, in a pleasant tone. Remus scooted things out of is way, pushing aside whatever Severus had left on the counter. Severus had the distinct impression that Remus was making himself very comfortable in his kitchen simply to see the sneer he was sure he had on his face. “I thought, perhaps we’d make our world-famous roast chicken, how does that sound?” Remus said.

Teddy smiled, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Severus quirked his eyebrows at this, wondering what the boy had meant.  
“Ah!” Remus feigned. “I’ve chilled a flask of pumpkin juice to serve with dinner.”  
Teddy tried to pout through his smile, “Dad” he whined, stretching out the word.

“Oh, and we’re having Teddy’s Chocolate Tarts for dessert.” Remus finally gave in, his own smile brightening at Teddy’s wide eyes. “Didn’t I mention that? Would you like to get started?”

Teddy nodded so enthusiastically Severus was sure he’d give himself a neck injury.

Remus laid out a bag of things Severus couldn’t see, as Teddy had shielded his space on the back counter with his body. Remus left Teddy to his work and turned to Severus, smiling. Severus felt that maybe their shared gaze lasted a tad longer than necessary, but it was broken when Teddy said, “Oh Severus, you are going to love this. I’m sure of it!”

Remus turned to see his son hunched over his workspace, and was pleasantly reminded of a young, Slytherin boy whom he had often been paired with during double potions classes.

Severus watched as the two continued to work. The less they had to talk, the better. It gave him time to think and consider his moves more thoughtfully.

When Remus glanced up at him from behind the counter, catching his eyes, he smiled a bit.

This forced Severus’ strategic thinking to other areas. Those eyes.

They were very pretty, he admitted to himself. And served to remind him how dangerous the man could truly be, not only during the full moon, no, but whenever he turned his gaze to you.

Remus was a man who didn’t need his advanced werewolf perception to know what someone was thinking. He was a man who had dealt with enough tragedy of his own to recognize it in others, even the most skilled Occulmens.

Now that he could think freely and clearly without being interrupted for a few moments, Severus could contemplate that sharp gaze.

He told himself it was a habit of his, of any true Legilimens. The eyes told stories beyond the reach of the heart, mind, and mouth. For Severus, the eyes were life, death, truth, and everything in-between.

He thought about it; perhaps Lupin’s blue and golden-rayed gaze wasn’t comparable to the ocean. His gaze pierced deeper than even that, if you knew just what you were looking into. He let himself think about it some more.

Remus Lupin was a people-person, despite his affliction. Most people didn’t know, of course. He was quiet, and tried to not call any attention to himself, but it was his eyes that drew people to him. They were quiet, but demanding, inviting, and very dangerous.

The blue of his eyes was so icy and fathomless, but never cold, unless provoked. One couldn’t help but be drawn to them when they turned to you. They were inviting and welcoming, unless you crossed his path, in which case they were dangerous. You would never know just what he was capable of.

The darkest, deepest, midnight shades of blue was where he drew into himself, where he kept his secrets to himself. Remus Lupin was a quiet man, who preferred to keep to himself. Those dark, deep depths was somewhere someone might not be able to learn those secrets so easily, and without first gaining his trust. He can’t hide the darkness completely, it’s there in the open for everyone to see. But they’d never know what it truly meant, until he let you into the darkness himself.

And if the darkest hues represented his secrets, then the golden streaks were shooting stars of every happy memory Lupin had. There probably weren’t very many, hardly noticeable when looking at him really. To see those, you had to stare deeply enough, search the entire galaxy, and then you’d see them. When you found them, you’d see them highlighting even the darkest paths with their beauty.

Severus wondered about those streaks of gold.

####

“Severus,” Remus said, finally settling himself to setting utensils to operate themselves on various leafy greens and colorful vegetables.  
“Do you require any help?” Severus asked, interrupting him.  
Remus grinned, “No, no, this dinner is to thank you, Severus, it wouldn’t be very polite to ask for your help, now would it?”

“I was only going to ask,” he continued when Severus sat back with a grumpy huff. “How have you been? It’s been so long.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed, his old habit of being leery of people’s motives were hard to break. Not that he particularly cared to break this habit. It served him well during the war. It was always good to question motives. He had been at the mercy of questionable motives and held others at his mercy with his own.   
Hearing the giggling coming from Teddy, and Remus’ eyes turning to him once more, waiting for his response, Severus found it was actually easier than he expected to let go of those questioning thoughts.

“I have been well, thank you.” Severus said, taking extra care to guard himself once again.. “And yourself? In the short time I’ve known him, your son already strikes me as a handful.” Remus laughed, and Teddy looked over at them as if he was offended.

“Yes, you’re right about that.” Remus finally said, a small smile still gracing his face. “Teddy is a handful. Aren’t you, son?”  
Teddy turned back once again, trying his best to glare at his father, “I am not. I have just the right amount of energy and curiosity. Just like my mom when she was my age. That’s what my gram always said.”

Teddy had already turned his attention back to his tarts, so he didn’t see the flash of emotion in Severus’ eyes, or see the sudden stiffness in his dad’s spine.

Remus cleared his throat after what seemed like a long moment and then answered.

“Yes, I suppose you aren’t too terrible.” Remus looked up to see Severus with a guarded look on his face. He hadn’t thought about what to do should someone bring up something that was probably too uncomfortable to talk about.

He wasn’t entirely sure how Severus felt about Dora, but he was quite certain it wasn’t likely a topic that should be brought up. If what he knew about Severus still was true, though he highly doubted that it was, it wouldn’t be fair to talk about Tonks to him.

After a bit of small talk, Teddy announced he was finished with his work. He made sure that his efforts were concealed from Severus’ curious eyes.

Teddy set the table for three and then asked, “Will Healer Malfoy be joining us?”

Severus shook his head, “No, I’m afraid Draco sends his regrets. It seems there were a few witches and wizards who thought it would be a brilliant idea to test out transfiguration charms on each other after a night of drinking fire whisky.”

“They didn’t!?” Teddy exclaimed. He was young, but he was smart. And such a hair-brained idea seemed too ridiculous even to him.

Severus lowered his head a bit, to speak directly to Teddy. “They did,” he said. “And can you imagine the ghastly sorts they’ve transfigured themselves into?”

Teddy cringed though his smile peaked out. “I don’t think I want to. Half wizard, half flobberworm? I bet poor Healer Malfoy is covered in mucus!” He laughed out loud, and so did Severus.

Remus took a moment to appreciate how much a simple laugh could lighten Severus’ face. It made him look ten years younger, as if he hadn’t fought and barely survived a war. And he didn’t miss how his son continued to describe vile scenarios just to make his new friend laugh.

Remus admonished them both before finally placing the dishes of food on the table. “That’s enough you two. You’ll ruin dinner for me.” He couldn’t quite let his own smile drop though.

“Can you imagine that, dad?” Teddy said, still laughing. “Those poor people. I’m going to make sure to pay extra attention in aunt Minerva’s class.”

“Aunt Minerva?” Severus questioned. Teddy nodded, grabbing a roll of bread from the basket before passing it to Severus.   
“Yes,” he offered. “I’m going to be top of her class, she says. But I shouldn’t expect to be treated any differently than the other students. Even if I am special to her.”

“Of course, she isn’t really my aunt. I just call her that.” he continued after taking a bite and wiping his mouth. “Oh, we forgot the pumpkin juice, dad. I’ll get it. Excuse me.”

Severus smirked. “He is awfully polite for being so young. Though, I suppose I shouldn’t be so surprised, as he is your son.”

“And just what does that mean?” Remus asked sarcastically. “Yes, he is.” He sighed then. “He’s growing up too fast.”

Looking up to see that his son was carefully filling glasses of pumpkin juice at the counter, Remus continued, “He’s too young to have already lost so much.”

Severus was struck momentarily speechless. How was he supposed to respond to such a statement?

When Severus looked up from his plate, Remus was staring at him again. This time, those golden streaks were a bit harder to see.

Remus sighed to himself, “I’m sorry, Severus. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Severus nodded. “I was sorry to read about Andromeda’s death in the Prophet. I always liked her, despite her bloodline. She knew before I did, what I was. She was always trying to keep me away from Lucius.”

“What did she know?” Remus wondered.  
“She knew the darkness in me,” Severus answered so casually, taking a bite from his fork.

Remus frowned. Is that what Severus thought? After everything that he’d done, that he’s full of darkness?

“I think she saw the light in you, Severus. She saw it in me, too. Otherwise Teddy wouldn’t be here,” he said quietly.

Just as he finished his thought, Teddy walked over to the table and carefully placed two glasses on the table.

“Thank you,” Severus said, though he wasn’t quite sure to which Lupin he was speaking.

####

“What in Merlin’s name…” Severus trailed off as the dessert dish was placed in front of him.

“It’s a right mess, I know, but it’s completely edible, I assure you,” Remus said, trying not to laugh at the face Severus was making. Teddy meanwhile had no problem giggling at the reaction his creation caused the stoic professor.

“After you, Severus. I insist,” Teddy held back his giggles long enough to watch Severus give his dad a look. When Remus didn’t interfere, Severus huffed and grabbed his spoon.

If he had to stomach the mess to please the boy, he was going to do so with as much poise and dignity he could muster.

After his first bite, Severus was surprised at his ability to keep the spoonful of chocolaty mess down. He was also pleasantly surprised that he found the mess quite good. Under the chocolate cream, there were bits of crumbled biscuits and a spoonful of caramel at the bottom. It was incredibly too sweet, then suddenly, there was a hint of sea salt, which cut through the sweetness. He was surprised once again.

“It’s quite good, isn’t it?” Remus asked when Severus gave Teddy a satisfactory nod. “I don’t know how he does it, really. I tried making it once, for his birthday-”  
“It was terrible!” Teddy finished for him, already digging into his own tart.

Remus laughed and took a bite of his own, “it really was,” he finished.

Severus laughed too. “You know Teddy,” he started after another bite, “cooking and baking aren’t so different from potion brewing. Perhaps you’ll have an affinity for potions.”

“I suppose that’s why my cooking is such rubbish,” Remus added, smiling at his boy. “I was always rubbish at potions.”

“You weren’t complete rubbish, Lupin,” Severus said, surprising Remus. “You kept up all the times we were paired together. And this meal was more than satisfactory, I assure you. Thank you to you both.”

Severus tried to hold back feeling he got when he received two beaming smiles.

Sitting at the table with his two, highly unlikely guests, Severus felt lighter than he had in quite some time. In the early years of the second war, Severus would allow himself to imagine what it might be like once the war was over. When he could walk freely, no longer tied to masters or old memories.

After he had killed Albus, he knew that would never be possible. Not that it mattered, that late in the fight, he wasn’t convinced he’d live to see the end of the war anyway.

But he had. And the darkness that swept him off his feet as a boy still weighed heavily in his chest for entirely different reasons now. He had wanted power and acknowledgement, but when he yielded that power in order to kill Albus an all new darkness had seeped into his veins and deep within his bones.

Somehow, for some reason, after being the cause of so much pain, it eased the pressure to see Remus smile; to be the cause of his smile and to make his little boy laugh. It made him feel better.

####

After another hour and a half of pleasant chatting, Remus and Teddy said their goodbyes to Severus.

After they’d left, Severus found the silence of his home almost unnerving. What was worse though, was how quickly he found himself disliking the solitude he had so longed for in the past. He was always so careful, but one evening had shaken his foundation so suddenly. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He couldn’t let one evening of gratitude tamper with his life.

Soon, Draco would stop by for dinner and stay for a couple of days, and soon Severus would return to his work. Nothing will have really changed. One evening of company was nice, but it wasn’t something that would happen again, and there was no point in hoping otherwise. He couldn’t allow it to matter so much.

It was a week later, two days into Draco’s stay, that Severus received a letter from a familiar spotted owl. Severus opened the letter:

> Dear Severus,
> 
> Dad is taking me to the park near your cottage on Saturday afternoon. I am writing you to ask if you’d like to join us. I promise not to climb too high up the tree this time.
> 
> I hope you’ll say yes.
> 
> Teddy

Severus smirked at the letter with large, clumsy script in his hand. He found himself smirking at what the letter said. Teddy was an adventurous and curious little boy, he didn’t for one moment think that he would keep too low to the ground.

A sudden hoot from the owl drew Severus’ attention and he noticed another letter attached to the birds talon. He removed that one as well, opened it and read it.

> Severus,
> 
> Teddy hasn’t stopped talking about you since dinner last week. After his accident, I promised to take him back to the park and he asked right away if he could invite you. He will understand if you have other plans, of course, but we would both be quite happy if you cared to join us.
> 
> Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit unhappy with this chapter. Oh well.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this hasn't been as easy to write as my mind once thought. It's still coming to me though, so stick around. Thanks to all who have posted kudos and comments!

The first time he had written back to Remus and his son, Severus had a feeling of unease.

He was curious as to why he wasn’t as uneasy now, after having replied to them both separately. Of course, he hadn’t sent them off yet. He’d do that in the morning. His one owl was currently off delivering a letter to Narcissa Malfoy.

As he sat at his desk, an opened book to one side as he scribbled a list of the ingredients he would need for a potion he was to start working on soon, he spared the scrap of parchment with the untidy and rather large handwriting a quick glance.

He didn't deserve the chance at a friendship with the man he had secretly longed for, for too many years he was unwilling to admit to even himself. And he didn’t deserve to be looked upon as a hero, like Teddy had so casually called him.

Severus had some qualms about accepting and indeed, encouraging and hoping for, friendship with this particular man. But he’d always been the self-destructive type. He’d deal with whatever can of worms it opened. He was too selfish to turn away.

Not selfish, he thought to himself. Pathetic.

That single thought was enough to deter his work. As selfish and determined as he wanted to be, it wasn’t suited for the desk he was currently sitting at, in the cottage he’d been living in for the last five years.

After an hour of struggle to keep certain thoughts from flooding his mind, memories from another lifetime ago from playing in front of his eyes, he gave up.  
If Remus and Teddy were willing to extend the branch, he was going to accept it, he had decided. But that wasn’t enough to keep him where he was.

Needing to be out of the house, needing room to breathe properly, he left his cottage and traveled the short distance to the village square. The cool, salty air would clear his head while he shopped for his ingredients.

  
**####**   


  
"Are they here?" Draco said as he poked his head into the open bathroom door. Severus had finished replenishing his stock of common home potions and was now storing them away.   
It wasn't rare for Draco to arrive at the cottage to spend his lunch hour with Severus. Truth be told, Severus had been expecting him all morning.

Severus looked over his shoulder at the boy. Draco had been acting oddly since he learned of the planned outing to the park. Suspicious as he was, Severus kept his inquiries to himself. For whatever reason Draco was acting the way he was, he'd break down and confess soon enough. Before Remus and Teddy's imminent arrival, surely.

"Would I be here, stocking the medicine cabinet if they were?" he asked simply and sarcastically. Draco pursed his lips at this before he walked away.

Just as Severus was finishing, Draco walked back in and sat himself at the edge of the claw foot tub. He kept his gaze low to the ground and rubbed at the back of his neck; normally, his posture was perfect, but when he was upset or worried, his narrow shoulders slumped.

"I wanted to be here for that dinner, you know?" he said without preamble.

Severus clicked vials together as he straightened a line on the shelf. "You were busy with work." The tone Draco had taken, one that he only ever used with him or his mother was an absolute dead giveaway, as if Severus had needed that much to gather the truth.

Really, all he needed to do was to look into those pale, glassy eyes. It was the first to show, and that was always the tell Severus caught first.  
"I know, but I wish I hadn't been," he said with a bit of a sigh. "He's family, you know, the little one."

"Mother, she still has bad days. And when her sister died, she fell apart again. She would go on and on about family and how she had wished she could have reconciled with my Aunt. I hadn't paid it too much mind at the time, but now," Draco trailed off, gesturing mildly with his elegant hand.

"Professor Lupin is a kind man, isn't he?" he looked up with his grey eyes. "I haven't any other family, not really. I thought, perhaps, he wouldn't be opposed to me visiting with my cousin sometime?"

Severus didn't show his emotions very often. But now, looking at how genuinely sad and desperately hopeful his Godson looked, he couldn't help but show the concern in his own eyes as he spoke to him.

"Lupin, is an aggravatingly kind man. I think, if you spoke with him on the matter, he would be willing to allow his son to know his cousin," he said as he took a small step towards the boy.

Reaching his hand out to squeeze Draco's shoulder for a moment, Severus added, "He, however, is not your only family, Draco."

The blonde boy smirked and nodded, "Bloody bleeding heart, you are, Sev." He could see as much as feel the relief of tension in his shoulders as Draco stood up and smiled a bit more fully.

Severus snorted at the nickname, but patted him once more on the shoulder before leading them out to await their guests.

  
**####**   


  
They hadn't waited too long when they heard a faint knock at the door. Severus had expected them to Floo through. Draco stood up instantly and made for the door. Opening it, he greeted his cousin and his father with a wide smile.

Remus was a bit taken back by the dazzling smile on the young man.

"Healer Malfoy, it's nice to see you again," Remus said as he and the mousy-haired boy entered the entrance hall. "Teddy, you remember Healer Malfoy, don't you?"

"Of course," Teddy said with a noticeable gulp. He hadn't expected Healer Malfoy to be there for his visit with Severus. Seeing the tall blonde in his Healer's robes was a bit frightening. "Hello."

Draco nodded, as he watched his cousin cling to his father's arm. "Hello," he said. Severus appeared just as the smile wiped from Draco's face. 

"Hi, Severus!" Teddy greeted, his nervousness leaving him instantly. Draco frowned.

"Hello, Teddy. Remus," Severus said, as Draco left the hall and walked into the kitchen.

Though Teddy didn't notice the sudden tension in the suddenly cramped hall, Remus had. He looked at Severus and said, "Are we interrupting anything?"

Severus shook his head, "You can have a seat. I'll be just a moment."

Severus followed in the direction Draco had taken and the two guests made their way to the sitting room.

"Sulking, are we?” he asked walking in and placing a mild silencing charm on the doorway.

Draco, indeed, sat at the table sulking. "He was frightened of me, the little one. I hadn't said a word to him and he was shrinking back from me."

"And so you've given up on your hope to know your cousin?" The taller man asked, his arms crossing over his chest. The feat wasn’t nearly as impressive as when he wore his robes, but it still made others squirm in their seats.

"It was a foolish idea," Draco said with a huff and a pout. Sometimes, he knew, he needed Severus to act like his Head of House, but often, he just wanted to sulk and not have to worry about what snaky remark his Godfather had for him.

"You go on. I'm going to have lunch and be on my way,” he said, practically rolling his eyes.

Severus snorted, "I'd take 10 points for you lack of ambition in this particular endeavor. Perhaps you aren’t as interested in it as you previously thought?” He was subconsciously taking on his professor persona, though he did know Draco hated it.

"As I said, it was foolish. My patients hardly want me near them, why should I have expected this to be any different?" Draco said as he played with the badge clipped to a pocket on his robe. 

That statement forced Severus to break his stance. He sighed, Draco was so moody sometimes. It was difficult to know what he needed. Before Severus could say anything, Draco stood up and walked out. He passed the couch where the two guests had been talking quietly, and grabbed a handful of powder. 

"Are you leaving already, Draco?" Remus said, stopping him. Draco had turned back, "Yes. I have work to see to. Do enjoy the park." He barely spared a glance to the little boy, and didn't notice how he didn’t look quite as frightened before.

**####**

At the park, while Teddy was playing, Severus and Remus had sat on a bench and chatted for a half hour about the village. Severus pointed out a few of the locals he knew, and managed to not say anything entirely too scathing about them each.

When the little boy was busy showing off his metamorphic abilities to the other children, Remus broached the subject of Draco storming out of the cottage, explaining why Teddy had initially reacted the way he had.

"He was frightened, is all. We don't do well with Healers, us Lupin men," he had explained.

Severus nodded, glad to know he could now assuage Draco's fears.

"I suppose that is more than understandable. Two unregistered werewolves running into an ex-Death Eater, now Healer, must be a bit unsettling. He'll understand. He only wants to establish a relationship with what little family he has left."

Remus shifted his position. It was silly, he knew, because there were plenty of things Severus didn’t know about him. And really, this particular secret wasn’t nearly as big as the other secrets Severus already knew of him. Still, the statement about being an unregisted werewolf made him uneasy.

When Remus didn’t respond more than a nod, Severus inexplicably felt the need to defend his Godson. 

"The war wasn't kind to him,” he started. “He lost his father to Azkaban, his mother is a mess more often than not, and while he is an extraordinary Healer, his motives are repeatedly questioned via that louse, Rita Skeeter. He’s had very few to support him, and with a fellow ex-Death Eater for a Godfather at the head, it's been difficult.”

"He's only now becoming the man he truly wishes to be, unafraid of what others will say of him and his past. If you’re reluctant to hear him on the matter, I can tell you, I’m only afraid he may end up spoiling the child."

Hearing that usually so sure, and so smooth voice speaking so sadly, Remus forgot his own trivial insecurities. When he’d turned and given the man his full attention, the look on his face was heartbreaking, he thought for a moment. So unlike Severus in its openness and sadness, but still with that haughty, stubborn air of pride he was used to.

"I can hardly object to that; and even less can I begrudge two boys in need of family,” Remus said finally pulling his gaze away to look out at his son playing with another young boy. 

“We have quite the extended family, of course, what with Harry, Hermione, the entire Weasley bunch, but he hasn't many blood relatives. Not any that he sees very often, at least. We’ve stopped here before, on our way to visit family, but I’m pleasantly surprised to have found it here.”

"Draco sounds as if he could really use family. Though, he seems to have an excellent godfather to watch over him.” He offered the slightest smile then, still watching his son and giving him a wave when the boy looked back.

“Thank you,” Severus said very quietly. Remus suspected the other man wouldn’t want him to make a big deal about it, so he quietly acknowledged it with a nod.

“I do hope you’re open to having a five year old for a friend, as well; Teddy’s been so looking forward to today. He really likes you, and he’ll like Draco, I think.” Remus paused for just a moment, letting his now-neutral face turn into a smirk, his eyes glinting in the sun, “I dare say, I rather enjoy your company myself, Severus."

"And in three visits, I've surprisingly not grown too annoyed with either of you." Severus said without pause for thought.   
Remus chanced a glance to the man beside him. His sarcasm held no venom, as they might have years ago. He nodded, yes, he certainly was enjoying his company.

**####**

On their way back to Severus' home, Remus carried his son, who was tired from an entire afternoon running around the park, climbing trees, and playing tag with a few local kids whom he had met. They walked past a couple of shops and the market where they'd first bumped into each other. It was a quiet town, and Remus could understand why Severus had settled here.

The village was made up of both wizards and muggles, Severus had explained, but there was no hiding magic. The muggles who lived there had all grown up with wizarding family members - sons or daughters, grandchildren, or they had married a witch or wizard.

Remus breathed in the cool ocean air; as they drew closer to Ocean Hill Cottage, Remus could smell the woods just beyond. He hefted Teddy a bit higher in his arms and turned to see Severus' relaxed face. For an instant, Remus was almost sorry he had barreled into his quiet life here by the woods and just by the ocean. The life obviously suited him well. He couldn't ever remember seeing Severus so relaxed.

**####**

"Wotcher, Teddy!" Teddy heard a familiar voice calling out as soon as he and his father Flooed in. He leapt into the arms of his godfather, who was sitting at their kitchen table with a cup of tea and a discarded plate.

Remus hadn't been expecting Harry, but it wasn't odd to find him having a cuppa when they arrived home from the market or some other outing. Really, Harry came and went as he pleased. He had a flat he shared with his friends, but usually he split his time equally between the two.

"Harry, how are you?" He said simply, patting the young man's shoulder as he walked past him to the tea kettle and the boxes of food on the counter.

“As good as ever,” Harry replied, trying to mimic the faces Teddy was making at him. “I grabbed some takeaway after work, and I thought you might be getting a bit tired to cook dinner tonight. With the moon…”

“A week away?” Remus finished for him, turning to look over his shoulder.

Harry had the decency to flush a bit. “Yeah, I thought it was too early to use that one.”

Remus smiled warmly and sat down with his cup of tea. “You needn’t make excuses to visit, Harry. This is your home as much as it is ours. You know that.”

Now, Harry smiled. “I do know that, it’s just that I’ve been busy with work, you know? I haven’t been around as often and after Teddy’s accident, well, I thought maybe I ought to be.” Remus couldn’t help but feel a bit of sadness when he looked at Harry. 

For all they’d overcome, all that they’ve moved past, Harry still always felt he needed a purpose. Most of the time, Remus felt confidant that they’d broken his need to be their “protector,” but sometimes it crept back without much notice.

“Don’t worry about us, Harry. We manage just fine, and you certainly don’t need to bring takeaway as an excuse to come over. We’re always happy when you come home.” He smiled, willing Harry to know this to be true. “You’re a busy man, but you always have time for us.”

“Busy being the Chosen One,” Teddy giggled, sitting on his knees, hunched over a picture he was drawing. He knew how much godfather pretended to hate that. They’d teased him about it so often, it had helped to keep his anger in check when others said it.

“Quiet, you,” Harry said with a smile while quickly levitating the crayons out of the little boy’s reach. “It’s always nice to be home to torment this one after a rough day.”

After another moment, Harry set the crayons down. Teddy laughed, doing his best to cover them all with his small hands.

“But really though, we do love when you bring takeaway,” he said cheekily, his hair turning a bright green color, a shade he only really ever used for Harry.

Remus and Harry laughed. They weren’t the most conventional family, but Remus’ heart beat for them both.

“Are you telling me you’re hungry, my cheeky little cub?” Remus asked finally. Teddy’s eyes grew big as saucers and he nodded his head enthusiastically.

“So, where’ve you two been all afternoon?” Harry asked aloud.

"Teddy and I were just out visiting friends. All day, actually. I am rather glad you brought dinner.” Remus answered with a chuckle, spooning food onto a plate.

Harry smiled, but was still curious. "Friends?" he questioned. He'd just been at the Weasley's himself, where else could they have spent the entire day? 

"An old man like me still has a few," Remus teased, slightly cringing at his poor choice of words. Harry hadn’t said anything, which meant he wanted more of an answer.  
Remus sighed, he was going to have to say something eventually. Now was as good a time as any, he supposed. "We spent a lovely afternoon with Severus Snape, if you most know."

Harry very nearly shot tea out of his nose at the sudden announcement. He coughed a few times, Teddy, whose hair had turned black and a bit longish, giggled from the other side of the table.

"Alright, Harry?" Remus asked.

"Professor Snape? You were with him, where?" Harry said finally, hardly believing the words.

"Yes, Teddy and I ran into him week before last, and we invited him to spend the afternoon with us today." Remus paused to look at his surrogate godson. He expected the man to look shocked, as well as confused and probably a bit angry. And he certainly did.

"We had a nice time, didn't we, Teddy?" Teddy nodded and smiled.

"We went to a park, and had ice cream afterward. And Severus taught me which plants were best for potion brewing," he said.

Harry was still reeling at the news, too much so to even bother replying to his godson. 

Severus Snape? He had spent months after the war trying to find him. After the trials though, he’d just vanished.

"Where?" he asked again, but wasn't surprised to get another sigh from Remus.

"Harry, you know I won't tell you that," Remus replied softly, with a professorial tone. "I won't violate his privacy or," he paused here. "Or his friendship."

It took a beat longer for bits to click together in Harry’s mind.

"He's the man who helped you when Teddy hurt his arm, isn't he?" Remus nodded. "And his Healer friend, it wasn't Malfoy, was it? Tell me it wasn't, Remus. If anyone at St. Mungo’s fount out Teddy is a -”

"Son, why don't you take your dinner into your room, careful not to spill please,” Remus interrupted. Teddy had been paying more attention to the conversation than his food, but as always was the case when grown-up conversations got interesting, he had to leave the room. Teddy sighed and tried his best not to pout as he walked away.

"I'm sorry, Remus, it's just that, it isn't safe to let people know. You know that." Harry continued, a bit quieter.

"Yes, believe it or not, I do understand what it would mean if it got out that Teddy was a werewolf. He'd be marked, and registered, and tracked wherever he went. Just like the rest of us."

Remus usually wasn't bitter about his lot in life. He had resigned being bitter about being a werewolf long ago. He was still angry, of course, but didn’t often say a word about it.

"Remus, I've told you, that number on your chest is just that. No one is tracking you at the Ministry. I wouldn't let them." Without really knowing, Remus rubbed gently at the string of numbers tattooed across his collarbone. "I worry about Teddy, is all. But you're more than capable, as his father and all, I suppose."

Harry spoke with a laughter in his eyes. Remus nodded again, letting his surge of anger slip. "Thank you, I do try,” he said, patting the boys arm.

"I'm sorry I won’t tell you where he is living. It's his secret to tell, not mine. He's content there. As for Healer Malfoy, he won't say a word. He doesn't strike me as the boy he used to be and he is Teddy's cousin, after all."

"That's right. I forgot he's a Black," Harry mumbled. How cruel is that, he thought to himself. His boyhood rival was blood relation to his godfather and his godson.

After a few tense moments, Remus picked up his cup of tea and took a sip. He didn’t want to keep such a secret from Harry. Harry himself had confessed to once trying to find the man. That was years ago, just after the war. Of course, Remus had known that he was. He knew now that Harry still asked Minerva about him sometimes. 

“If you wanted to write him a note,” he said, placing his cup down. “I’d be happy to give it to him. I can’t promise anything on his end, of course.”

Harry stayed quiet, but nodded. He pretended to be much more interested in the invisible pattern he was tracing with his fingertip on the table top.

**####**

For a week, Remus caught Harry hunched over the desk in his room, or the kitchen table, and once sitting on the porch at the Burrow. He hadn't said as much, but Remus knew he was writing a letter, or had been trying to anyway. More often than not, Remus found wads of parchment in the rubbish bin. 

Much like Severus had explained of Draco, the years since the final battle were not kind to Harry. They weren't kind to anyone, really.  
Remus had nearly been left for dead in a corridor leading to the kitchens at Hogwarts. 

He'd actually been hit with a Killing Curse, so he was told when he woke up two days later at St. Mungos. The protection spell placed on all those Harry had given his life for, coupled with his own lycanthropic body, had dampened the curse by Antony Dolohov. He had fallen unconscious and Dolohov had eventually been detained.

The first time he had gotten the chance to hold Teddy when he woke up had been the first time he had ever been thankful for his lycanthropy. Harry had faired no better than the rest of them.

For months afterward, Harry had said he was fine. Said that, without the constant worry of Voldemort, he'd had a weight lifted from his shoulders and was more than ready to put it all behind him.

Of course, the trial of Severus Tobias Snape had also kept Harry busy too.

He had spent hours in front of the new Wizengamot testifying, but for none more loudly or more determinedly than Severus. If he hadn’t already been so proud of him, of how brave and caring he was, he would have been to see Harry demand justice for a man whom he had never particularly liked, nor had ever liked him.

Some people still had reservations about Severus, he had already admitted to casting the curse that killed Albus Dumbledore and to knowingly side with Voldemort and the Death Eaters when he was still just a boy, barely out of Hogwarts.

Severus had admitted to overhearing the prophecy and relaying it back to his master, which had eventually led to James and Lily's death, but not before he had given his allegiance to Dumbledore.

Upon hearing the news of Voldemort's defeat, the former Headmaster's portrait had led Aurors to a hidden cupboard in the office which stored a rather thick envelope with handwritten statements and letters written over the course of the sixteen years Severus Snape had been Dumbledore's man. Along with the envelope were vials of memories belonging to Dumbledore, memories that gave furhter truth to Severus' allegiance.

When Severus had heard about this, about the letters and memories, he had nearly wept with repressed emotions, so Remus had heard from Harry after that particular day of the trial.

Albus had always promised Severus a way out, had always guaranteed him his safety and freedom, but until he had seen the letters and memories himself, Severus has never let himself believe the old man. Especially not after what he’d done.

That trial had been especially hard on Harry too. He had difficulty keeping him emotions in check whenever they discussed Albus, and more than a few times, he looked ready to leave when his parents were brought up.

Remus, who had been present at the trial for testimony on Order business, had seen it for himself. That’s when the stress had begun to be too much for him to hide properly.

####

After the trials though, he had still let Harry pretend to be okay.

Harry had kept busy with helping to rebuild the school, helping Hermione find her parents in Australia. He'd even spent a bit of time checking in on his aunt and uncle. Because there were still people out there who might want to hurt him, there was a chance that his relatives would be in danger.

Remus had suspected that Harry had really just wanted to see them. As terrible as they had been to him, in their last moments together, they had showed some kindness.

None of that had put at ease the boy’s turmoil thought.

While Remus had known that Harry was not fine all those months, even he hadn't any idea just how terrible Harry was dealing. Remus had tried to get Harry to leave Number 12 Grimauld Place; had asked him to come and live with him and Teddy. Harry insisted it was fine staying there by himself; that he was no longer a child and hadn’t been for a while.

He felt a ton of guilt when he thought about how long he’d let Harry stay there, with nothing but nightmares and memories of Sirius. He should have taken him away, dragged the boy kicking and screaming if he'd had to.

If he had done so, perhaps Harry wouldn't have bottled everything up for as long as he had. Remus had been a coward though. He hadn’t wanted to be the cause of more grief for the boy. 

Harry deserved better than him then, when it finally became too much and he had come to Remus and broke down in tears.

Much like Severus during the war and the subsequent trial, Harry had been on the edge for far too long.

Throughout the week, Remus caught himself worrying about Harry again. Whenever Harry got too into his work or anything he did, and started keeping to himself, Remus remembered those awful months after the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I have pages of this already written, it's only in pieces. It may take me a while to sort through it all and make sense of it. Bear with me, please.
> 
> Also, I tend to not do much editing, so I will try my best to keep any small errors and typos to a minimum. As for big errors, please feel free to point them out.


	4. Chapter 4

“Thank you for meeting with me, professor. Please excuse my tardiness.”

Remus smiled at the young man who had joined him at the booth in the Leaky Cauldron.

“I’m hardly a professor. Please, call me Remus,” Remus said. “May I call you Draco?”

Draco’s blonde fringe fell into his eyes when he nodded. “And please, I hope you’ll excuse my behavior that last time we met.”

“Of course. It’s all been straightened out,” the older man took a drink of his pumpkin juice, letting the blush fade from Draco’s face. “Were you busy at work?”

“Yes, I have a patient who had a bad reaction to some filthy back alley Wolfs-” Draco cut himself off and the blush crept back up his pale face.

To his credit, Remus didn’t flinch. Instead, much to Draco’s surprise, looked much more interested in the conversation. “Wolfsbane?” Remus asked, leaning forward.

Draco nodded, but was quiet. Finally, it dawned on Remus why the young healer was no longer interested in talking.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, pulling away and leaning as far back as the booth would allow. “Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to meet with me so soon after the full moon. I didn’t think it would be a problem.” Remus, who was quite used to this type of situation was ready to extract himself from it with his pride intact and his head held high.

Draco caught the movements though.

“I have no problem meeting with you, I wouldn’t have asked you to meet with me, if I had,” he said, his voice unwavering. “I simply lack proper bedside manner. I don’t want to offend you in anyway.”

Draco cleared his throat a bit and continued, “Yes, wolfsbane. He said he got it in Knockturn Alley, from a street vendor. He had a bad reaction to it. It’s taken us this long to work the mess from his system. Even in his other form, his metabolism wasn’t able to absorb it all.”

Remus had already forgotten about his idea of fleeing. As a member of the board of directors for the Werewolf Rights Reform, he had already given his full attention to the case.

“Severus was able to counteract the most severe of the poisons, but it’s not been easy. And with only two of us assigned to him, it’s been a long forty-eight hours.”

“There are only two of you working on him?” Remus asked, a bit baffled. Two Healers was enough for a number of magical maladies, but to deal with a werewolf reacting badly to a potion just after the full moon was cruel to all parties.

For two days before and two days after, Remus himself felt the moon pulling at him. All of the heightened senses and improved strength lasted throughout that time. While listening to Draco talk, he made a mental note to contact Hermione and inform her of the patient.

“Two, and Severus,” Draco answered, his shoulders straightening with pride. “My assistant, she is quite capable, but as I said, it’s been difficult. Severus is my go-to when I need any further assistance.”

“I’m the youngest healer at St. Mungos and you’ve read the articles in the Prophet. I get assigned the more uninteresting and less appealing patients.” Remus heard just the slightest bitterness to his tone. “No matter, I am more capable then most of those idiots.” Draco covered up proudly.

Remus smirked, “Indeed. We can be incredibly moody, irritable, and generally difficult after the full moon. We are monsters, after all. As much as we’d like to pretend that we aren’t and that it goes away with the moon; it doesn’t. The affects are lasting, to a degree. Especially so after a bad change. It’s no wonder none of the other healers wanted to work with this young man. I have a hard time believing people still are willing to help drag me to bed after the moon sometimes. I spend those days before and after wanting nothing more than to leave my own body; to get away from myself. How can they stand it? What they do for me, and what you’re doing for your patient, is very commendable, Draco.”

Draco’s eyes had narrowed when Remus looked up from his glass.

“Why do you say that?” Draco asked curiously. “Severus said you were a kind man, but you don’t sound so kind now. You sound rather surprised that anyone is interested in helping a werewolf at all," he said rather bluntly.

Two of those statements took Remus aback. Firstly, Severus had described him as a kind man. Secondly…

“Is that how I sound?” he asked, his brows furrowing.

“Yes,” Draco replied smoothly.

“I suppose I do sound bitter. I am sorry if I come off as unappreciative or unwelcoming of people like yourself who are willing to help others like me," Remus said, a bit uashamed of himself.

Remus took a moment to collect his thoughts. “It’s true, everything I said. It's hard to balance two minds sometimes, one wins out over the other eventually, before they go back at it. And sometimes, it's easier to let one win a battle every once in a while."

“It helps that I am an outside party to your friends. I imagine Potter refuses to hear any such comments from you,” the other man said. Remus suspected that was partly true. Harry would never let him say anything like that, no matter how much Remus sometimes felt like he needed to release a bit of frustration.

“Perhaps your bedside manner isn’t as poor as you think. A true healer will listen to his patients in order to better understand their needs," Remus pointed out with a warm smile.

He thought it rather endearing how easily Draco blushed at being paid a compliment. He wondered for a moment if that was a recent development. Unlike the days of his youth at Hogwarts, compliments and praise probably only came from his mother and godfather nowadays.

“About this patient, would you mind, if I sent Hermione Granger to meet with him sometime this week?” he asked.

“Granger?”

“Yes, she works very closely with the Reform. She’s helped write and pass some of the new laws, and works on independent werewolf cases in her spare time.”

“Always the over achiever, I remember,” Draco snorted.

Remus laughed. “Yes, that’s our Hermione.”

“Give her my card,” Draco said, pulling a card from a small silver case, the name Malfoy engraved in a brilliant green. Remus pocketed the card.

“My patient hardly looks like a monster now. Of course, I understand what you were saying before. I had the pleasure of spending time with Fenrir Greyback, after all,” Draco said.

Remus’ jaw set tightly, his right hand gripped the handle of his glass and his left clenched into a tight fist reflexively.

“He is a monster, in both human and werewolf form,” Draco had a sneer on his face. He shuttered at what business Draco would have had with him.

Draco’s eyes were grey and full of hate for the man he was speaking about. “He was never a Death Eater, but he was worse than some of them, in far uglier ways.” Remus only clenched his fist tighter when he thought about why Draco would have such a strong opinion of Greyback.

“My parents, and Severus, did their best to keep me away from him, in blatant ways in front of the Dark Lord even. But the way Greyback looked at me sometimes, it was disgusting; makes me ill to think about it now. I may have disliked you, and treated you poorly, but I never hated you like I hate him. Not even when I was telling the other Slytherins what you were.”

Remus swallowed once to loosen his jaw. He took a deep breath.

“I am very sorry that you had to endure his company for however long as you did,” Remus said, only slightly through his teeth. “He is a disgusting being, indeed - the foulest of all werewolves and humans.”

Letting the anger seep from him, he tried his best to smile, “Your parents and Severus did well to keep you away from him. And I’m glad to know you don't consider me in the same company has him.”

Draco shook his head, “It was more anger than hatred, why I did what I did. Severus said you had nearly attacked him, it was a bit overwhelming to find out, so I did what he asked. It was justified by our fear and anger, at the time.”

“It took meeting Greyback to understand that that justification was hardly that; you are nothing like him. I can't speak for my godfather, but I am sorry for how your tenure ended." The apology was said so quietly Remus almost hadn’t heard it, and may not have if it weren’t so soon after the moon.

“Fear makes us react in unexpected ways. I certainly don't hold a grudge about it now, nor did I then even,” Remus said, hoping to assuage any fear or guilt the boy might feel about it. “I promise not to hold it against you when you ask about spending time with Teddy.”

**####**

Remus returned home from his day at the bookshop very content. Not only had it been a good day at the shop, but he had had a nice lunch with a nice, young man. A nice young man he had only ever known as a boy and a Death Eater’s son. He had never condemned him for his actions during the war. He was just a boy at the mercy of sadistic and terrifying men and women with devious mindsets. However, he hadn’t expected Draco to be as nice… perhaps nice wasn’t the best word for it, but certainly he never expected Draco to be so raw and magnetizing. He wore his feelings on his sleeve for anyone who was paying close enough attention. He hadn’t the ability of his godfather to hide them so well.

And he reminded him so much of Sirius. Draco was a Black after all.

Both a bit rough on the outside, but you couldn’t help but be drawn to him when you got over the exterior. Remus was happy that he could provide something so great as family for the young man. Remus supposed he could say the same about Severus, as well. He’d never do so out loud, of course, unless he wanted to be hexed to oblivion.

Draco deserved to have family that would love him without all the baggage of his past. Teddy would learn to love him or simply being his cousin, Remus thought to himself.

After putting a roast into the oven for dinner, Remus set about doing some very light cleaning before heading over to the Burrow to collect Teddy. Two days after the moon and with the excitement of a good day, he was still a bit restless. He managed to get quite a bit done before he left their quaint little home for the busyness of the Burrow.

Teddy and Remus lived simply. They had a nice home, one that was theirs, and Harry’s. It didn’t hold any painful memories of Dora or Andromeda. It was their safe haven from everything else.

They lived in a nice area, but they didn’t have overly attentive neighbors. They were kind, so if they happened to notice anything weird around the full moon, no one said anything.

Teddy had a few friends, but made sure to never change his features around them. If they asked where he went to school, he told them he studied with his aunty Molly and he learned all the regular things a five year old learns. It was all true, of course, but he never let it slip that she also taught him about magic.

And he certainly never let it slip that he and his dad happened to be werewolves. Because his friends were muggles, not because he should be ashamed of what he was.

Remus and Harry, and his gram, and Molly, and Hermione, and all the Weasleys, and Minerva, and anyone who knew him, made sure he knew that.

Teddy knew not everyone felt that way. While he was taught to not be afraid or ashamed of what he was, he also learned to not share that bit of information because some people were afraid of werewolves. He learned too, that not all werewolves were like him and his dad. There were werewolves who attacked people, who were careless about the safety of others.

Remus tried to hide the tattoo across his collarbone, but when he and his son sat together waiting for the full moon, it was impossible to do. That number registered him with the Ministry, gave them permission to track his every move, to walk into his home at their will. The number required him to report to the Ministry how, when, and where he got his Wolfsbane every month.

He’d gotten the number just after the war, when the Ministry decided it was the best way to protect and simultaneously keeping track of the werewolves. He’d gotten the tattoo not because he believed it was the right thing to do, but because it was the best option at the time. It was a publicity stunt, but one that was the best of a bad situation.

Harry promised it wasn’t active. No one was watching Remus. Teddy was safe from the Ministry. Knowing that the tattoo served some good and that he wasn’t being tracked and his son was in no danger, he didn’t mind it so much. It embarrassed him, but no one ever saw it if he could help it.

Those numbers didn’t mean anything really. Not if his family was happy. And they were, he figured, while he dusted the top shelf of the bookcase in the study, his stomach full from the dinner he’d shared with his son, who was tucked in bed now.

Remus smiled contently at no one but himself and thoughts of his family.

The light weight in his pants pocket, of the letter that Harry had given him earlier at the Burrow, did make him wonder how much longer they could all be happy before something inevitably happened to break their track.

He pushed that thought to the back of his mind as he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. He let himself think about much happier things; he considered the best day for Draco to come over for supper. It occurred to him that he hadn’t asked about the other man’s work schedule. Letting his lips curl ever so slightly, Remus supposed he’d have to write to Severus and ask him about that. And invite him over as well. It would probably be best if Severus was there too, when Draco came over.

That would be a perfect excuse to write to Severus, Remus thought to himself as he slipped into bed. Truthfully, for the last week, he’d been considering what he might be able to write to Severus about for it to seem casual enough. He thought Severus was certainly open to putting the past behind them finally, but he didn’t want to push too hard too quickly. The letter from Harry was a good excuse to write or even visit, but he didn’t want that to be the only reason.

Remus fell asleep easily that night. His face graced with a tiny smile when he thought about Teddy and Harry, and the possibility of including Severus and Draco into their tight knit, though unconventional, family. The two of them would fit in quite nicely, was his last thought before his eyes had closed.

  
**####**   


Severus ignored the grumbling of his stomach.

When it rebelled against him and growled even louder, he cursed himself.

He should go up and eat, he knew. If he did though, he’d miss the color reaction in the potion he was working on. This potion in particular was important; he'd have to wait it out just a couple more hours.

**####**

When the potion had finished, Severus cleaned up a bit before making his way back up to the main floor. He was tired, and against his will, his body ached from having worked for so long. He wasn’t a young man, anymore, he hated to admit. But it was true. Men his age weren’t meant to work on their feet for so long. 

He was a perfectionist; he had standards to meet of himself. Eighteen continuous hours of potion brewing was difficult on anyone; as a young potions master he’d have been just as tired as he was now, he reasoned.

Severus contemplated skipping dinner and heading straight to bed as his stomach had finally given in and stopped its incessant pleading. When he finally opened the door from his lab into the kitchen, he immediately noticed the distinct smell of his favorite curry. Of course, his stomach perked up at it.

On the table, he saw takeaway containers sitting under the sheen of a temperature charm keeping them warm. He wondered when Draco had stopped by as he sat down to eat.

Draco was the only one who could have entered the cottage while he was down working.

He snorted, reading the note left on the table alongside the food. In an elegant scrawl befitting a Healer with the name Malfoy, the small bit of parchment read only one word - EAT.

While he was no longer a young man, he felt completely satisfied having worked so hard for so long.

Before, years ago, he’d have been satisfied working with only scholarly initiative urging him, but now, in this case, his justification and satisfaction came from that note.

He was fueled, now, by the concern his godson had expressed the previous day. A patient of his was not faring well with ordinary means and Draco had been worried there wouldn’t be much else he could do.

He spent the previous night’s dinner telling his godfather about his patient, who seemed to be getting worse. As a boy, Draco had never been overly concerned with anyone but himself, his family, Severus, and his closest friends. The boy then would have listened to the man’s words now and walked away without a second thought.

He was indeed a man now; one who cared very much about his profession and his duties, and while he never said as much, the patients he took care of. 

Something that Draco had said about the patient had triggered something in Severus’ mind. He remembered something he had once read years before, something that he had been researching for Albus.

He and his godson had spent the rest of the evening going over texts and notes, trying to work out something that may be of use to them.

Finally, they had the base of something that could come in handy. Draco had spent a couple of hours brewing the necessary starting bases and prepping the ingredients for the final potion. When he was through with that, Severus took over. 

Severus was quite pleased with the potion they had now created, as he made his way up the staircase to his bedroom. He was confidant it would either work as intended, or have no difference at all.

At the top of the stairs, he noticed the door at the far end of the hallway was open. That was Draco’s room. Draco must be staying the night, he thought to himself.

While Severus was happy to help his godson and this patient, who obviously needed special care after foolishly taking a potion purchased in some back alley, he was also already considering other changes he could research and test to stablize a similar potion to counteract and cleanse the body of the poisons in the Wolfsbane. And to perhaps there can be something to aid in easing the pains brought on by the transformation itself.

As he lay with his hands folded on top of his abdomen, he wondered briefly before falling asleep, what other werewolves have gone into dirty, back alleys in hopes of finding something to ease their pains, or to end them completely, as he supposed the yound man had been searching for.

  
**####**   


“Severus? Are you home?”

Severus didn’t regularly get many Floo calls, so when he heard that familiar voice coming from the grate in his sitting room, he quickly put down the toast he was eating and walked over.

“Yes, I’m here, Lupin,” he said walking into room.

“I’m not bothering you, am I? I was wondering if I might pop over to discuss something with you,” Remus asked. He was a bit tired after spending the day shelving books in the shop, but more weary after having talked to Hermione, who had come to the shop after visiting the werewolf patient at St. Mungos.

Severus nodded, “You may come through.”

Remus’ face disappeared from the fireplace and in just a few moments had popped through, dusting off a bit of ash from his jacket.

“It’s nice to see you again, Severus,” he greeted, smiling.

“And you,” Severus replied. He chastised himself for having already forgotten how to cordially communicate after a week. “How are you and Teddy?”

Remus followed Severus back into the kitchen. 

“We’re fine, thank you,” he said, taking a seat at the table while Severus pointed his wand at the kettle, setting it to boil.

“Tea?” he asked.

“Please.”

Remus frowned when they had both settled down with their tea. He had the chance to clearly see Severus’ face; he had dark circles under his eyes, he noticed. And his hands were stained with potions. 

“You look tired, Severus. You’ve had a busy few days with Draco’s patient,” he stated more than asked. Severus nodded.

“I’m not sure you’re aware, but I had lunch with Draco a few days ago. He told me about his patient. I sent Hermione Granger to see him, to see what, if anything, we could do for him,”

“She paid me a visit today at the shop; she said he is doing much better, after having taken your potion.”

“Yes, Draco informed me that he was doing well. He should be fully recovered by the next full moon,” Severus said, taking a sip of his tea. Remus snorted. Severus raised an eyebrow.

“The Severus I remember from years ago would be more proud of his efforts,” he said. “Whatever it is you concocted, you saved that young man’s life. On behalf of the Werewolf Rights Reform, Mr. Snape, thank you.”

Severus snorted in a sort of self-deprecating way. 

“A simple combination of poor brewing, aconite poisoning, and allergies,” he corrected. “It’s hardly worth praising as it will serve no purpose for anyone else. It was brewed specifically for him, keyed to his exact symptoms and allergies. It was luck that I was able to narrow down the possible problematic ingredients in the original wolfs bane.”

Remus placed his cup down onto the saucer and waited until Severus looked up at him.

“And so it wasn’t so simple, was it? Thank you, Severus, for helping that young man,” he said finally, locking his eyes with Severus’ onyx ones. “He’d have died, had it not been for you and Draco.” 

“I’ve not met him yet, but I can imagine how terrified he must have been to seek help there,” he said, dropping his gaze for a moment. “Thank you, Severus, for helping him.”

Severus’ focus hadn’t left Remus’ and it was quite easy to realize the thanks wasn’t on behalf of a party, but it was Remus thanking him for helping that young man, as no one had ever been so willing to help him.

Severus nodded, “you’re welcome.”

Remus swallowed the lump he’d just felt in his throat. He hadn’t meant to be so dramatic, but then he hadn’t expected Severus to be so casual about his efforts either. He supposed it wasn’t too surprising however, given his apparent want to stay under the radar.

With sigh and clear of his throat, Remus said, “When are you free for dinner, Severus?”

**####**

After settling on a night that would fit with Healer Malfoy’s busy schedule, Remus remembered the note he carried from Harry.

“Before I leave you, Severus,” he started, reaching for the bit of parchment in his breast pocket. “I have a note for you. From Harry.” Severus immediately tensed and Remus felt it right away.

“I’ve not told him where you are,” Remus tried to explain. “I have no intention of telling him, though he has asked about you.”

“What exactly did you tell Potter about me?” Severus said, steeling his body against the things he wished not to discuss.

“Harry is part of my family, a part of Teddy’s, and when he asked who we’d been spending so much time with recently, I wasn’t going to lie to him.”

“He was a bit shocked to hear it was with you. Maybe even a bit upset. He asked about you and I said that you were doing well, that you seemed content here, and that I wouldn’t betray your friendship to tell him where you call home now.”

“I did, however, promise that I’d deliver a note to you, if he so wished to write to you.”

Severus stared at the outstretched hand holding the folded note. He did his best to glare it into oblivion, but when that didn’t work, he made the mistake of glancing up at Remus’ kind eyes. He sighed inwardly, making a show to look away and much put upon, even as he reached to take the note.

Remus rewarded the acceptance with a kind smile to match. 

“I made no promises as to whether you’d respond, but I do hope that you’ll read it and that you’ll consider it. Of course, I’ve not read the letter, but I can’t imagine it would hurt.”

“Can’t you, Lupin?” Severus asked. 

Remus was confused by the question, “I’m sorry?”

“Can you not imagine the hurt that boy causes? Are you not constantly reminded of all you’ve lost over the years? You must be, when you look at him and see James’ face. Or hear Black’s reckless excitement in his voice? When you stare into his mother’s eyes, you don’t feel some ache for a better life lived lifetimes ago?”

He couldn’t quite place why he felt the need to explain himself. He never had the need to justify what he felt. But this, right now, was different.  
Severus wasn’t simply trying to justify himself to anyone. He found that he, almost desperately, wanted Remus to understand what he felt, to acknowledge it and give him hope that his pain wasn’t his burden to bear alone.

He absolutely had to understand this.

Remus swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny it hurt sometimes to see so much of his friends in Harry. He was the best of them all, if a bit stubborn and mischievous as well. It did hurt, but more often than not, it was a good, comforting sort of ache that reminded him not just that his friends were gone, but that they live on through Harry.

“You’re not wrong, Severus,” he said finally, in a tired sort of way; as if he too was admitting to the ache for the first time. “If, to look at Harry, that’s what you feel, I can, indeed, imagine it. I feel it too.”

The two men stood, silently breathing and waiting. 

“Is that how you feel, Severus?” The other man didn’t answer, but the slight shift in his stance and the look in his eyes gave him away. Remus offered a sad smile in acceptance of that answer.

As much as he wanted to hear the words of confirmation from Severus, Remus knew it was too much to ask for just now. He understood that ache, and perhaps saying as much was enough right now.

The Severus he had known years ago would have never admitted to feeling any sort of hurt or pain. The mere fact that he was willing, and seemed to want Remus to understand his pain now, meant something.

“I’m sorry that you have felt this way, and for so long. And I’m sorry that I can’t ease it anymore than I can ease my own aches. I can only remind you that it is no more Harry’s fault that he looks like James, than it is Draco’s for resembling his Lucius. I hope that you can find some acceptance in that.”

“For now, I hope that you’ll at least read the letter. And be on time to dinner on Thursday.”

Within a few moments, Remus was gone. Severus would read the letter, but couldn’t bring himself to promise any sort of reply. And he had every intention to be on time to dinner.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I mean, I know where this is all ending up, but I don't know exactly how we're getting there.
> 
> We're a mess, this story and I. Sorry for that, but please do keep reading and leave us feedback.


	5. Chapter 5

_Damned letters_ , Severus thought as he walked about his bedroom, picking up the items that seemed to have thrown themselves around the room in his absence. As he reached his wardrobe to put away the cloak he had worn to St. Mungos earlier in the day, Severus stopped. He braced himself against the large wooden door of the armoire and sighed.

He had spent the day pausing at the most random moments - at the market, twice at the bookshop, and once when he saw Draco, who had asked if he'd be joining him at the Lupin home for dinner - to remember the letter sitting on the side table by his bed.  _I don't owe him anything_ , he thought again, closing the closet doors defiantly _._

He had refused to open the letter the night before, when Remus had given it to him. Truthfully, Severus didn't want to open it at all. He threw on his night clothes and finally shoved the letter into the drawer, out of his sight so that he could rest easily.

Unfortunately, he was not able to rest comfortably.

**####**

Sometimes, not always, but when he went to sleep particularly troubled, he tended to have awful dreams. Memories, more often than not. Those were particularly worse, he had realized long ago.

It's said that one dreams nightly, but doesn't always remember; Severus supposed that was true of him. He almost never remembered his dreams.

In the quiet nights he lay in the Hogwarts infirmary, tucked away in his own small room, he supposed, that he rarely remembered his dreams due to his constant need to protect and shield his mind and memories.

After the war, in those nights he lay in the infirmary and the dreams came to him every other time he slept, he realized he had given up on continuing to protect and shield his mind. There was no point; he was too weak and too tired to pretend otherwise. There was no Dumbledore, there was no Dark Lord; there was nothing.

The nothingness is what brought on all of the memories and emotions that played out in his mind's eye as he slept. He had wanted that nothingness for so long, but laying there, willing himself to stay awake against the sleeping draughts Madame Pomfrey had given him, brewed with his own hands, he'd have given anything to keep the nothingness away.

Once, years before, only months after the war, he had dreamt of a mousy-haired boy from his school days, he, Severus, the too-tall, too-awkward boy he was, had sat across from him at a table in the Hogwart's library. In his dream, they had sat quietly, for who-knew how long; only the ruffle of parchment and the occasional scribble of a quill or the turning of a page disturbed the quietness. At the end, when Severus had begun to wake from his sleep, the boy, who had actually resembled an older, tired man, had looked up at him as he stood and gathered his books, with amber-speckled blue eyes, and smiled.

That dream had been the first that after which he had not woken up wand at the ready, drenched in sweat, his heart racing, the whispers of an Unforgivable ghosting his lips.

**####**

Severus tossed a bit, his hair shaking free from under him and splaying across his pillows. While the air was cool in the room, his body was warm. He rubbed at his arm, where the Dark Mark had once been. When his dreams were particularly bad, when he dreamt of the Dark Lord, Severus would awake with red scratches on the inside of his arm. Tonight, though, there would be no scratches. This was a different sort of dream. Not completely as unpleasant as others, but even in his sleep-addled mind, he felt different.

**####**

Often, he dreamt of Albus. Not always very specific, he could never tell whether it was a dream or a memory - the two of them having tea in the Headmaster's office, or taking a stroll around the courtyard at night. Sometimes, he dreamt of his friend, Lily, when they were just children.

The dreams of Albus and Lily were always his favorites, but they did leave him feeling so tired sometimes, like he hadn't slept at all. The excitement that those dreams brought him, how real the seemed to him, left him drained the next morning. Still, he liked them best because, if he was lucky, they lingered with him throughout the day; they were there with him when he needed their guidance, just as they had been before…

Those nightmares were the worst - the after. After he had caused Lily's death; after, when he had watched Albus fall…

**####**

_Falling._ Was it he who was falling? Why was he falling? …No, he wasn't falling.

Grey eyes looked at him, pleading, brimmed with tears that didn't dare fall.  _Draco!_

Severus tossed about, his left foot slipped down the edge of the bed for a second before he jerked it back. That disturbed his mind and he felt something shift inside him.

No, it wasn't Draco who was falling either. Draco was safe.  _He's fine._ He'd done all he could to protect his godson; Draco was fine.

The jolt of having control over his body, for even just that moment, had cleared the vignette in his mind and things became a bit clearer.

Severus wasn't falling, nor was Draco. The logical part of his mind told him who was falling; he hadn't needed the flash of blue, twinkling eyes to show him.

Those eyes had pleaded with him, asked him so politely. It was Albus who was falling; it was always Albus who was falling, he remembered. He had caused him to fall.

Severus' hands had been gripping the duvet when he heard the whispered  _Avada Kedavra_ in his own voice echo in his mind. The voice he heard was surely his own, but it sounded weak and horsed. He didn't even remember anymore what he sounded like that night on the Astronomy Tower; he didn't want to remember.

His white-knuckled grip unclenched from the duvet as his kicking pulled it from his hand. It was almost a relief to have the blanket thrown off of him. He was sweating, he could feel the heavy shirt clinging to his chest. Or was that just an ache he felt? It hardly mattered. He knew that deep ache in his chest always formed when he thought of Albus.

 _Reaching_. He was reaching now, but grunted in frustration in his sleep. His arms laid still by his side, but he was reaching nonetheless, his fingers stretched out, but there was nothing to grab hold of. His hand itched and his palm sweated, but he couldn't quite reach out far enough to grab what he was reaching out towards.

For a brief moment, it struck him odd that Albus had already been falling before he heard the Unforgivable. He hardly had any moment to ponder that though, as suddenly there was a burst of green. That was him, casting the curse that had sent Albus falling. In vain, he reached out further. Hoping he'd feel something.

The color was too blinding; it was so loud Severus heard it ringing in his ears and he struggled to keep his reach extended. He could feel it, his body was giving up. He was going to let Albus fall because there was nothing he could do; he was so exhausted now. He was letting it all happen again and it was going to make him sick to have no control over himself as he relived this fall.

 _Lily's eyes._ But they weren't; they were attached to James Potter's face.  _Harry._

Severus gasped and his body relaxed. Suddenly, he wasn't blinded, and the ringing had stopped; he wasn't falling and his hand had finally given up and lay limp at his side. His chest still ached, but his rapidly clearing mind told him it would always remain that way.

While his vision was no longer blinded, what he saw now was no better.  _Potter._ He looked like he had when he was a first year - defiant and naïve. And then, his face fell. Like he had been listening in on him, had heard him say those words and watched as Dumbledore fell. Like, he had just realized what it meant.

Severus thought about the  _nothingness_  and how heavy it felt within him. Perhaps watching Dumbledore fall, the nothingness inside him, after his parents, after Black, maybe Potter's nothingness was heavier now, as well.

Severus wanted desperately to wake up. His mind was exhausted and his throat dry. He forced himself to push away the boy and close his mind. Just before his eyes flew open, Severus had a flash of that mousy-haired, tired man from the library. He hadn't looked up this time, but Severus thought it best. He wasn't sure he could stand looking at him just yet.

Finally, he awoke. His body felt warm, but the cool summer breeze coming in through the open window chilled him as it hit the sweat-soaked cotton shirt he wore.

His chest felt heavy and his body clammy. He removed the shirt and tossed it to the floor as he grabbed another from nearby. By the time he had finished shaking out the duvet from the floor, his gasping breaths had evened out. Once his mind had settled a bit, after a swig of a calming draught, he lay back in his bed and rested against the headboard. With a steady hand, Severus reached into the side table drawer.

**####**

Looking at the letter - it wasn't even that, really, just a scrap of parchment folded in four - he let his eyes close for a few moments. Thankfully, the faces he had dreamt up were no longer in his mind's eye.

All that remained was the darkness of the summer night surrounding him and the cold air coming in from the sea chilling him as he sat alone in the house he could not bear to think of as his home.  _Cold, dark, and alone. The way I've spent life, I deserve no better._

With these thoughts in his head, Severus unfolded the parchment and read the note Harry Potter had written to him.

**####**

"Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

Remus and Teddy were tidying the sitting room in preparation for their guests. Teddy had already made sure to make his bed and clean up his toys. He was being quite helpful, but being his dad, Remus had noticed how much quieter Teddy was becoming as the day wore on.

Teddy hopped up onto the arm of a chair. He was thinking about what it was he was going to ask, Remus noticed. Whatever it was, he'd been thinking about it for a while now. Teddy started picking at a loose thread and squared his shoulders.

"I know Draco is my cousin, so," he hesitated here and worried his lip a bit. He didn't want to say aloud whatever it was he was going to say, Remus realized. "Why wasn't he at Gram's funeral?" Teddy finally asked, his voice quiet, but confused.

**####**

Remus' chest tightened at the shaky question. He'd guessed he'd have to answer a few awkward questions from his son about Draco, but he hadn't exactly been expecting to answer that particular question just yet.

These sorts of things seemed so much easier when Andromeda had been around. It was bearable, explaining to Teddy about the war and what had happened to his mother when he was finally old enough to understand.

He had had Andy by his side, one hand holding Teddy's, the other arm draped across his own shoulders. It hurt so much to see the tears run down his boy's face as they told him how bravely she had fought. He had tears in his own eyes, but Andy, she had been strong for them.

Later that night, after Remus had tucked Teddy into bed and they had shared a few more tears for wife and mother, Remus had hesitated at the bottom of the staircase when he heard Andromeda trying to steady her sobs.

Remus had steeled himself before going into the kitchen and putting his own arm around her so that she could grieve openly for the daughter and husband she had lost. With a toddler to take care of on top of everything else, it had just been a whirlwind of one thing after another.

They had grieved, yes, but there hadn't been much time to remember. Remembering hurt the most, so they kept busy - planning and attending funerals for the fallen, teaching Teddy to repeat his ABCs and 123s, helping rebuild at Hogwarts, attending trial after trial, giving testimony after testimony. There just hadn't been time.

As he hugged her, he wondered if perhaps Teddy was alone upstairs dreaming of the mother he'd never know. Remus closed his eyes and pictured his son asleep in his bed, his hair changing from his normal brown to the perfect shade of bubble gum pink. Dora would have thought him the most wickedly brilliant three-year old.

She'd never get to see that though. Nor would she ever get to see Teddy waving goodbye to them as the train left platform 9 ¾. And Teddy, he'd never get to bring home the woman he was going to marry to introduce her to his mum. And all those little things between, all the things only mothers could take care of and make better… Teddy wouldn't have any of that.

 _They don't deserve this kind of pain_ , he thought.  _I can't do this._

**####**

Remus shook his head to get rid of those memories.

Teddy was balancing himself on the arm of a chair, swinging his legs. Before Remus could find a suitable answer, he had to reach out and keep Teddy from losing his balance and falling back. That made him smile. He'd never really know his mum, but Teddy was so much like her.

_He could do this._

Remus thought for a few moments of how to best explain the generations long situation that had put Teddy and Draco into this peculiar arrangement.

"Teddy, sometimes, the ones we love… we lose our way from them," he started. "Your gram and Draco's mother, they lost their way from each other. Now, that doesn't mean they didn't love each other, in some way. I think they did, actually. When one loses their way, it's just hard to find the way back."

Remus wasn't sure if Teddy understood what he was trying to say. Teddy was looking at him the way Dora would sometimes look at him, like he'd gone around the bend. That's when Remus started to second guess himself.

The loss Teddy'd suffered was terrible, but through it all, he was so strong - just like his mother and grandmother. But Teddy was still just a five year old boy; there had to be a limit of how much he could suffer at such a young age, of how much he could accept.

What if Remus couldn't help him to understand this new, strange situation? What if it was just too much, and still too soon after losing his gram?

Maybe this was a bad idea. It was just too soon to be introducing Teddy to new people, new family. Teddy liked Severus, he'd made that clear, so was it Draco who was just too much?

Introducing new family so soon after losing Andy, maybe Teddy felt like Remus was trying to replace her in his life. Or, Merlin forbid, Teddy thought he had to  _try_ to forget her.

Finally, Teddy gave him a crooked smile.

"So, me and Draco, we have to find the way back  _for them_ ," he said with all the confidence in the world, even as he stumbled from jumping off his perch on the couch.

Remus let out a sigh.  _Wickedly brilliant, indeed_.

"Yes, that's absolutely right," Remus said, grabbing his son and hugging him close.

Remus wasn't sure how he'd gotten so lucky, but he had. He woke every morning just to hear Teddy's laugh, to see him flash a mischievous grin at him, and to hold him tightly and tell him he loved him.

Teddy had lost so much, and too quickly, but he never let that stop him from smiling. All those days that Remus felt like not smiling, he need only think of Teddy.

His son had suffered greatly, certainly, but he was stronger for it. Teddy would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this is only about half the length of the other chapters, but I really thought this was a good place to break off. Please forgive me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. I've set up some open deadlines for myself, so I hope that those will help me keep this updated.
> 
> Thanks to all who've stuck with the story thus far. Until the very end, right?

The Floo flared green at just half past five. Remus and Teddy were in the kitchen finishing up dinner and setting the table when they heard two sets of feet land in their living room. Teddy shot his dad a wide grin before rushing out to greet their guests.

"Severus! Draco!" he shouted. In his excitement, Teddy tripped on the rug in the sitting room and nearly crashed straight into Draco's legs.

Luckily, his cousin had caught him by the shoulders and steadied him. "All right?" Draco had asked him.

Teddy nodded, the tips of his shaggy, trimmed hair matching the flush creeping across his cheeks. Nevertheless, Teddy stuck out his hand to welcome his guests. Draco smirked at how polite the little bugger seemed.

In fact, Teddy sort of reminded him of himself when he was a boy. Being just a boy was no reason at all to be impolite to guests; courteousness was a lesson learned early on for a Malfoy. Proper manners were a Slytherin trait, after all.

Teddy though, seemed so much more sincere in the smile he offered.

"Hello, Teddy," Severus, leaning down to shake hands face-to-face.

"Sticking charms work wonders on old carpets," he'd said to him. Teddy had delighted in that smirk that said he shouldn't be so embarrassed.

Teddy was no longer worried his cousin would whisk him away to St. Mungos, but still, having already shared an evening and afternoon with him, he felt a little more comfortable standing by Severus' side.

Teddy's eyes sparkled when he smiled up at Severus. He slipped one small hand into the larger, potion-stained one, and started for the kitchen.

"Hello, Draco, Severus," Remus said, meeting them in the hallway.

**#####**

Remus greeted his guests and invited them to sit while he finished up. Teddy made sure they were both seated before he went to fetch glasses and a jug of water for the table. Remus checked dinner and then joined them, bringing with him a bottle of wine.

Severus accepted a glass and swirled the contents, breathing in the scent. "Elderflower," he mused.

"Reserved for special occasions," Remus said as he took a sip. "I thought tonight was occasion enough."

"It is a special night," Teddy exclaimed, a glass of pumpkin juice in his glass (spelled to not shatter, in case of an accident). "Dinner with dad, Severus, and my cousin, Draco, too!"

For the briefest of moments, Draco's cheeks had tinted rose. He recovered and raised his glass in toast.

Teddy laughed as he clinked glasses with the others.

****#####** **

"I've nearly forgotten," Draco said, draining his glass of pumpkin juice after dinner. "I've a gift for you, Teddy."

Teddy's eye gleamed and his grin stretched wide. Draco handed him a tiny package and then pointed his wand at it and whispered a charm. Teddy watched with wonder and amazement as the magic worked.

"I hardly think the gift is going to open itself," Severus said. Teddy looked up at the two guests and then to his dad. Remus smiled and nodded.

Teddy tore into the wrapping. "It's a Healer's bag, like yours?" he said. Draco nodded.

"I wasn't quite sure what someone your age might play with and," Draco trailed off without finishing his thought.

"Your father shared your concern that we would share your secret," Severus said. Draco looked over at his godfather, thankful for the "we." He knew full well that Teddy had been afraid of him alone, not Severus.

"You've no need to worry, your secret will remain just that."

Draco squared his shoulders. "I'm a Healer, Teddy. A Healer's purpose is to help wizards and witches. You don't have to be afraid that I would try to take you away from your dad, that's the last thing I would want to do. I want us to be friends."

Teddy had already opened the bag and was rummaging through the contents. He pulled out a long white coat and a play wand. He put on the coat and started to wave the wand over his arm, the way Draco had when he had mended it.

"Friends," Teddy said with a smile. "Will you show me how these all work?" he asked. Draco nodded. "Thank you," Teddy said, fishing out the other toys.

"I'll make a Healer of you in no time," Draco joked, relieved that his cousin seemed to like the gift.

****#####** **

Remus excused himself from the table to make coffee while the other three discussed the uses of all the medical instruments.

Severus watched Remus disappear behind the swinging door of the kitchen. From what he could see, he saw Remus twirl his wand and send a tea kettle across the room.

Not one tantrum, not one argument, and no broken dishes, Remus thought to himself. And Teddy had been on his best behavior as well.

He laughed to himself; he wasn't quite sure what he had been expecting to happen, but the evening had turned out well, he decided.

Severus excused himself from the table when he saw Remus laughing quietly.

Severus watched from the door as Remus flicked his wand and set a towel to dry the dishes he was done washing.

"Surely not even you can find washing up so enjoyable, Lupin?" Severus drawled.

Remus couldn't help when his eyes closed and his mouth curved upwards at that velvety tone.

"No, of course not, Severus," he said, looking over his shoulder. "The real fun is in getting dirty."

 _Oh, Merlin…_ Had he just said that? And to Severus, of all people? He turned around and found Severus staring back, one eyebrow raised, arms crossed over his chest. Remus chuckled; in his eyes, Severus looked amused.  _Not a total dunderheaded mistake then…_

"Which do you prefer?" he asked and pointed to the other towel on the counter, raising an eyebrow of his own.

"Idiot," Severus muttered, but walked over and assisted with the washing up.

****#####** **

"There, all done," Remus said, drying his hands and moving over to the stove to fetch the tea kettle. Severus watched as he poured the steaming water into the coffee press.

"The washing up goes all lot quicker with someone helping," Remus said, a smile ghosting his lips. "Teddy helps, but more often than not we end up playing and forgetting about the dishes altogether.

"Thank you for helping, Severus. And thank you for coming. Your presence has made this all easier for Teddy, and Draco, I think." Remus talked while he readied the tray to take back out to the table.

"You're welcome," Severus said.

****#####** **

When the pair returned to the table, both Teddy and Draco were wearing their long, white coats and waving their wands in the air. Draco was teaching him the proper swish and flick needed to mend a laceration.

Severus served Draco and then himself; when Draco thanked him, Severus could clearly see how much he was actually enjoying himself.

"Draco, when did you decide to become a Healer?" Teddy asked, taking a drink of his juice. Remus had to ask him twice to not try drinking and waving his wand at the same time. Teddy simply gave him a crooked smile and a 'sorry, dad.'

"It had always been a thought, since I was just a boy. I've always been interested in potions." Draco started. "Severus gifted me a potions kit before I could even see over the work table."

"That, however, never stopped him from meddling in my lab, of course," Severus interrupted.

Remus smiled, "Oh, undoubtedly Draco was a perfect prince." Severus snorted.

Teddy giggled at the adults acting so silly and making jokes at each other.

"As I was saying," Draco stuck out his chin and smiled a bit, turning his attention back to Teddy. "My father is a skilled potioneer as well, and brilliant. He's a quick thinker, too. That's an important skill for a Healer. And my mother, of course. She's brilliant and very intuitive with medicinal magic."

"She isn't one?" Teddy asked innocently. "A Healer, I mean. Or a MediWitch?"

"No, she is not. That, however, never stopped her from excelling in what she knew. She taught me a great deal, things I could not have learned from a book or classroom."

"Of course, mothers can teach you everything about anything," Teddy said matter-of-factly.

His son was a brilliant and beautiful boy, Remus thought to himself proudly.

Most of the time, Teddy wasn't sad or jealous that other kids had mothers, and he could no longer remember his. Teddy missed his mother, but he carried her spirit in every bit of his soul.

Teddy could show Draco that heavy hearts don't always have to be sad, and Draco could teach Teddy that even when surrounded by darkness, one need only be unafraid to stand tall against it all.

"So, they're why you decided to become a Healer?" Teddy asked.

Draco thought for a moment and then he laughed a bit.

"No, you see, I was a spoiled brat when I was a boy, Teddy. Being a healer was just something I liked to play when I was a kid. I suppose I didn't really decide until after the war," he said, glancing sideways at Severus.

He continued, "I helped take care of someone very important to me, but there was little I could actually do to help. My mother and father weren't around to help, so I had to leave this person in someone else's hands. Madame Pomfrey is very talented, but still, I wanted to do more, but there simply nothing I could do.

"I decided to become a Healer when I decide I no longer wanted to be so helpless and let things simply happen because I could do nothing to prevent them."

Teddy, still just a boy, didn't give it much thought. He simply nodded and practiced his wand movements again.

For a few moments, no one said anything until finally, Remus broke the sounds of sipping coffee.

"It hadn't occurred to me to ask you that, Draco," he said. "I'm glad that Teddy did. I didn't realize all that had influenced you."

"Nor I," Severus said, his voice unusually quiet.

There were times, few and far between, that Severus and Draco spoke of those weeks after the war. That time, they both said, had been some of the worst throughout the entire war. Their own purgatory, they had described it.

For Severus, he was unsure whether Madame Pomfrey could do what she had done so often in the past. His wounds were deeper, the snake's venom more deadly, and the magic darker than it ever had been. And even if she were able to heal his body, would he end up in Azkaban nevertheless? Would they deem his crimes so unforgivable he would be given to the Dementors?

And for Draco, as brave as he had tried to seem for his family, he had been terribly frightened that he'd lose everyone he cared for. His father had been taken directly to Azkaban, his mother was detained at the Ministry for questioning, all while he sat useless at Severus' bedside. His own future hadn't bothered him nearly as much. Watching those around him suffer is what had kept him up at night.

"Yes, well," Draco had said, visibly putting his mask in place. "You'd only have been smug about it had you known."

Severus huffed, but gave his godson a genuine half-smile.

****#####** **

"Remus, Teddy…?" Remus nearly choked on his coffee when he heard Harry yell from the sitting room. By the time he had caught his breath, Teddy had already jumped out of his seat to greet his godfather Harry.

Remus threw a quick, apologetic glance to his dinner guests and called out, "in here, Harry."

Teddy had walked backed into the kitchen, pulling Harry along behind him. Harry stood just inside and stared around the table. He hadn't quite caught all of the little boy's ramblings before he had been dragged into the room. His eyes had lingered on his former potions professor, before finally meeting Remus'.

Remus swallowed, "Hello, Harry, what are you doing here?" he said, as chipper and welcoming as he could manage.

"I live here, I think you forget," Harry answered with smile, but a bit hesitant. Joking was a good sign, wasn't it?

****#####** **

The tone of the evening had changed. Harry sat next to his godson, across from his boyhood school rival, both sneering at each other when they thought the others weren't watching. Severus refused to make eye contact with Harry at all, and Remus was doing his best to incorporate the entire table into the conversation he was trying to have.

Remus was nearing the end of his tether though; frustrated at how the night had turned upside down, upset at how blatantly childish the two boys were acting, and upset that Severus had become so closed off. Things had started off so well, and he, for the slightest moment, when no one had immediately drawn their wands, thought that maybe Harry popping in would be a great way for everyone to just learn to get on better.

That, he realized quite quickly, was a ridiculous thought.

"Harry, did you know Draco is related to uncle Sirius?" Teddy said, drawing everyone's attention. "He was your cousin, right, Draco? My dad says that he loved jokes and pranks. Do you?"

"Yes, I've heard he was quite the prankster," Draco answered. Harry had tensed up visibly, his shoulders squared and back straight. "However, I don't think we share the same sense of humor."

Harry snorted. Draco pierced him with a glare.

"Quite the comedic duo, you old dad and godfather, were they not? How about you, Potter?" he sneered.

Remus, thanks to his enhanced reflexes, thwarted Harry's rising anger by taking his hand off his coffee cup and placing it on the table. Harry still had the eye of a Seeker, and very easily caught the gesture and took it as it was meant. Remus was thankful.

He silently hoped Severus would say or do something to keep Draco in line as well, but at this point, he was losing all hope the night would end without spilled blood.

Harry took a deep breathe to calm himself. He learned years before that his temper could get the best of him if he let it. He was having a bit of difficulty trying to temper himself now though.

When he arrived, he had not been expecting to see these two other men at the table, but here they all were: Draco was still a pompous arse, as far as he was concerned. And Snape was sitting there as if the last thing he had said to him wasn't something about his mother's eyes, as he lay dying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. Or that he hadn't asked Remus to deliver to Snape a letter he had written to the man not even a week earlier.

Likely he hadn't even bothered to take it from Remus, let alone read it.

It was far more likely that Severus had scoffed at the thought of the Boy Who Lived Twice writing a letter to him. Scoffed and then laughed.

 _How pathetic he must think I am_ , he thought to himself.

"No, I was always too busy, it seems," he answered. He could see Severus, who hadn't looked at him the entire time, roll his eyes and snort as if Harry had been lying.

In just a moment, Harry had opened his mouth, not sparing a thought to Remus or Teddy beside him, and shot the first comeback that made it out.

"And you, Snape? Any fun school pranks you'd like to tell us about, any memories to share?" he practically spat.

Remus' heart sunk to the pit of his stomach. Before he could interrupt however, Severus was already speaking.

"No, I'm afraid not. Of course, no one could hold a candle to James Potter and Sirius Black," he said ever so quickly. "They'd do anything for a laugh, wouldn't they? Well, they weren't such malicious and cruel creatures as to so casually risk the life of another student or a friend with some silly prank, would they?

"And they'd never be so absolutely stupid enough to throw an unknown curse at another student and heartless enough to stand there and do nothing; a curse that could have killed -"

"That's not true!" Harry shot back, his face pale and the unpleasant images those words evoked.

"Enough!" Remus shouted. He was breathing heavily, he noticed when all the eyes at the table suddenly turned to him. He'd also risen out of his seat and spilled some of his coffee onto the saucer.

Remus took three calming breathes and turned to Teddy. "It's getting late, son. Why don't you say goodnight and Harry will take you upstairs."

Harry didn't protest, but his jaw clenched at essentially being sent upstairs like a child as well.

Teddy was confused why his dad was suddenly so angry, but he did as he was told without a fuss and hoped that the grown-ups would stop acting so odd. He said his goodnights, Severus and Draco both trying to hid their tension as they said goodbye.

Remus walked the boys to the bottom of the stairs. Harry turned to him and said, "Remus," but Remus just shook his head to stop him.

"Later," he said.

When he'd entered the dining room again, Severus and Draco were standing, silently waiting.

"Draco, thank you for Teddy's gift. I think he had fun tonight, but I think it's best if maybe we talk again before having another one of these dinners. Later, though. It's been a long night."

Draco nodded, his proud face flushing and looking scared for a flash. "Thank you for your kindness."

"Severus will be there in just a moment," Remus said. Draco looked over at Severus who was pointedly not looking at Remus. After a hesitant moment, Severus nodded at Draco. Draco turned and left the room to fetch his cloak.

After waiting a minute to make sure that Draco was in the sitting room, Remus looked over at Severus.

"Severus," he began, almost laughing at how absurd the evening had turned. From the time it had taken him to reach the dining room from the staircase, he had managed to temper most of his frustration and start to think like himself again. But he could feel it welling up again already.

"Lupin, you heard the brat. His words were clearly meant to instigate a fight," Severus said.

"No, stop that. You don't get to do that, Severus. You don't get to say those things. I don't care who starts it. And you don't get to say a word against James or Sirius. Not in my house, at least. Not in Harry's home.

"You don't get to use our heartache against us. James and Sirius were my friends, they're Harry's family; I won't allow you or anyone else to speak of them in that way in front of my boys. Otherwise -"

"Understood, Lupin," Severus said, stopping him, his voice was cold and steady, betraying the anger he felt boiling under his skin. "You stand behind you friends, just where you've always stood. I'll see myself out of your home now."

He'd been expecting Remus to tell him to leave and never to return, but his pride prevented him from allowing that; he wouldn't allow himself to leave having heard the words said aloud.

He was in the right here, he firmly believed. Potter had instigated. He'd ruined the entire evening with his mere presence actually.

What right had he to pick a battle he could not stand to fight on his own, and worst of all, leave him to be talked down to, like he was a child. And all to stand up for the memory of Potter and Black.

Even in their deaths, they ruined everything and left him humiliated.

****#####** **

Remus flinched at being reminded of his own cowardice. If there ever was an opportunity for him to show Severus that he was no longer that shy boy afraid to stand up to people, against his friends, why did this have to be it? And why against Severus?

Merlin knows the last thing he and Severus needed was another rift between them. Their very fragile friendship could not bear it, he was sure.

He sighed as Severus brushed passed him and through to the sitting room. Try as he might, there was nothing he could say to make up for having said what he said. He meant what he said to Severus, and no doubt Severus knew that.

"Let's go, Draco," he had heard him say. He had followed him into the room and watched as he pulled on his cloak. Draco nodded at Remus who offered him a half-smile. "Go on, I'll be just behind you," Severus said.

Severus had only glanced at him at the very last moment before the flames engulfed him in the hearth and he'd vanished.

****#####** **

Severus wasn't wrong, he thought as he wandered around the house securing the wards. But that was hardly the point.

Remus wasn't standing behind the ghosts of his friends, or even Harry for that matter, he was standing up for himself and what he felt was best for his family. Severus had no right, he knew, but neither did Harry, he thought.

He would talk to Harry about his acting like a child and deliberately pressing issues that he knew better to bring up. As a young man with enough demons of his own to keep him up at night, he should have known better. Harry was careless and reckless in his anger, and had no right of his own to taunt Severus with his,  _Remus'_ , own nightmares.

Between the proverbial rock and a hard place was Remus. Damned either way.

Harry would be upset with him, have his feelings hurt by his words, and most likely shout a bit about Remus choosing sides. He'd probably leave, too. Airing out his thoughts always helped to calm Harry down, and he knew it. They'd both acknowledge mistakes they made. By the morning all would be forgiven.

He could talk to Harry and nothing would really change between them, of that Remus was certain. Though, that didn't make it any easier having to have such a conversation with the boy, but that couldn't be helped.

Remus had never quite learned how to set proper rules for Harry. He wasn't Harry's father, nor was he even his godfather - he was Harry's friend, and no one enjoys a row between friends.

These sorts of situations hadn't occurred very often between them. When Harry was younger, Remus had excuses for all the times it was necessary to be strict with him.

A school teacher demanded some respect, so he was able to get away without too much of a fuss if he had to remind Harry to behave in his classroom or around school. As a senior Order member, Remus had the title of "first war veteran" to keep Harry in line when he needed to. And of course, then, he had Sirius too, to back him up or to handle things on his own.

After the war, Harry was already a young man, who didn't need to be told what to do anymore. He was a hero, the boy who lived twice.

Honestly, Remus lost any and all rank over Harry that night at Grimmauld Place when he had argued with him about going with the trio to hunt for horcruxes. He had been trying to run away from his familial responsibilities, from the people he loved, and Harry had seen him for the cowardly lion he'd always been.

When he reached the top of the stairs, Remus could see the light shining in Harry's room from under the door. He sighed, suddenly feeling twice his age and oh-so tired.

 _For the cowardly lion I still am_ , Remus corrected.

After checking on Teddy, kissing his forehead and apologizing to his sleeping cub, Remus went to bed. Harry was probably just as tired. Whatever it was that needed to happen could wait until morning.

****#####** **

The following day, Harry woke at about mid-morning. He could hear Teddy and Remus talking in the kitchen. A late breakfast then, he thought. Teddy was laughing. That meant that the two of them had already discussed the previous night. Probably went out for a stroll around the garden. They always did that when Remus had something important he had to discuss with Teddy.

Harry wondered why Remus hadn't just come to him last night to reprimand him for his behavior, like he had expected him to.

Around 10 p.m., Harry had guessed Remus had instead just gone to bed, so he slipped out after giving a quick check on Teddy.

****#####** **

He'd gone out to the garden too, an old snitch he kept in his room his only company as he sat on the little bench in front of the lilies and the clematises. The lilies were Harry's favorites, the clematises were Teddy's favorites - the bright colors reminded him of the stories they told him about his mother.

Harry had chosen the lilies, when the three of them had moved into the house and had taken on the garden project. Harry hadn't been too thrilled with the idea initially, not after living with the Dursley's, who cared so much about their stupid flowers.

Remus had brought the idea up one day over breakfast. They had been talking about a household project they could do. Remus thought Harry needed something to do to keep him from dwelling on the events of the previous year. Something to help him relax, something physical he could do to let go of the emotions that always threatened to overspill within him.

Harry knew Remus meant well, but really, Harry wasn't interested in being out in the garden, fussing over flowers. He wasn't so interested in any sort of project really. He didn't need Remus' professorial lectures on seedlings and bulbs to keep himself in check.

Finally, he gave in and Harry agreed to it. Teddy had like all the colorful photos of flowers, and maybe then it would get Remus off his back a bit.

In the early stages of planning, Harry had, in frustration, overturned a crate of various flowers Remus had brought home one day, shouting about the whole idea being an unpleasant remainder of his relatives. Harry had apologized immediately upon seeing the tears well up in Teddy's big, brown eyes when he walked in and saw the mess.

He'd offered to go out and get more flowers for them to choose from, but Remus had scrapped the idea altogether on the spot, apologizing himself, saying something about how he should have realized it wasn't a good idea, that of course he didn't want to work on a garden after having to deal with his aunt and uncle for so long.

It hadn't hampered Remus' project ideas though. He spent a couple of weeks coming up with other suggestions, all of which Harry turned down without raising his voice or losing his temper.

Remus had been so restless then, he remembered. Harry had figured having to take care of a toddler would tire someone out plenty, but not Remus. He was always looking for something to do; he could hardly sit still sometimes.

After the funerals, and the trials, and the rebuilding of the castle, the year had passed with little time to stop and breathe. Not having something to do provided loads of time to stop and breathe, but also to think. The thinking was the worst; the thinking and the remembering.

Harry had his bouts of anger; more often than not, his anger got the better of him, but without Voldemort in his head, he could manage it. It took great time getting used to having his thoughts completely to himself, knowing for certain that there was no one else inside his head.

For a long time, he wasn't so sure having all those thoughts to himself was really a good thing. The first time he remembered wishing for something to completely overtake him, like those moments when Voldemort had breached his mind, had been at the service for Sirius. That had terrified him.

He had been afraid that maybe after everything, Voldemort had implanted some of his being so deep inside Harry, that it would never really, truly be gone from him. When he mentioned it to Ginny one night, she had talked him down from a near hysteria. After that, he didn't fight the way he felt about things.

That hadn't been such a great idea either. His outbursts of anger and bouts of depression had stemmed from letting those emotions fill him up so completely, until he had to react somehow to get them out.

The night he had made the mess in the kitchen, seeing Teddy cry, and listening to Remus apologize to him - that was when Harry had started to truly reconsider his coping methods. They obviously weren't doing him any good.

Harry considered his options. He was running out, it seemed. Talking wasn't so bad, he decided. Remus, Hermione, and Ginny were all big on talking. Harry had to admit that it did make him feel better.

It became something he did more often, with as little fear as he could manage. It was during one of those talks that things started to fit into place.

Surprisingly, it was Ron who had first mentioned that maybe the ideas weren't just for Harry's sake, but for Remus' too.

Ron had been talking about the family dinners Mrs. Weasley had planned, and how even though the family was doing fine, he thought she was still having a rough time with Fred being gone. The dinners were as much for her to feel fine as they were to make sure everyone else was never  _not_  fine.

"Hey, maybe it's not just for you, mate," he had said through a mouthful of the pudding he was eating at the time. "The projects, I mean. Maybe Remus is having a rough time with everything and is only suggesting these things for you because he needs them too."

Hermione had quickly agreed and praised her boyfriend for having realized it.

She had pointed out that it made total sense, seeing as Remus didn't really have any other friends to talk to.

Remus was probably feeling overwhelmed, the same way they all felt, and hadn't quite worked out how to deal with it yet.

"He's got friends to talk to," Harry said. "But I do think you two might be right. We talk all the time, about everything, but maybe that's not been enough for him."

**#####**

_Only he doesn't have any friends, does he_ , Harry realized later that night. Remus' friends were gone.

He had Andromeda, obviously, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, but maybe it wasn't so easy for someone so quiet and reserved as Remus to open up to these people who may have felt like family to him, but maybe weren't quite so.

The next morning, over breakfast, Harry told Remus he'd like to try the whole garden thing again. Remus was delighted Harry had decided to give it a chance, but only after making sure that Harry wasn't just doing it for his benefit. He didn't want Harry to do something he really didn't want to do.

Harry, lying of course, promised that that wasn't why he had agreed. While he agreed that he had been feeling much better lately, thanks to Remus and his friends, he thought it wouldn't hurt to have something to do.

Before lunch that same afternoon, it was decided that Remus and Teddy would handle all of the actual gardening, and Harry would be in charge of working out the proper spells to sustain the garden.

Once they'd started building, Harry found himself more and more interested in the rest of the project. The spell work was fine, but he actually enjoyed helping Remus build the small fence and playing in the dirt with Teddy.

Remus and Teddy had chosen the flowers they would plant, but Harry asked if they might have space for some lilies.

"Of course, Harry," Remus had answered. "Lilies would look beautiful here, I think."

That was how they built the garden, with the bench seat placed in front of the lilies and the clematises. It had all been much easier than Harry had thought, humoring Remus in his idea to do something.

He couldn't say that all the effort they put into building and planting didn't help him to feel better. It did. It served as an escape when he felt overwhelmed by other things, and Remus was starting to feel better too. He had something to do when got restless, and he was tired from the work they put into it. A good sort of tired that helped him to sleep better at night.

He still didn't care too much for gardens in general, flowers were still all pretty much the same to him. Except, he did really enjoy thisgarden. It was theirs, after all.

For an hour, Harry sat there in the garden, the snitch zooming passed his head every so often, and when it was within arms reach, Harry would reach out and catch it.

****#####** **

"I've always thought it a shame the stars shine their brightest when most of us sleep soundly in our beds at night," Remus said quietly as he closed the garden gate. "We miss so much beauty, though I suppose if it were always this beautiful, we wouldn't appreciate it those nights we can't sleep."

Harry scooted over to allow Remus room to sit. "I haven't really noticed," he said looking up. "I've just been sitting here staring at the flowers really."

Just as Remus sat, the snitch flew past his ear. "And playing with that old thing, I see."

"Yeah, it helps me think, I think."

"I always tried to ignore when James used it to show off for your mother. He was always trying to show off his amazing quidditch skills, as if she'd ever really cared." Harry smiled.

He reached out and caught the snitch just as it was passing above his head.

"Watching you with that old snitch is like watching James again. But of course, you only do it when you're thinking, and then, with those eyes, it's Lily's look of concentration on your face."

Remus smiled, almost sadly. "I'm sorry if I've interrupted your thoughts tonight."

Harry shook his head slightly. "No, you haven't. I've just been thinking about when we first started working on the garden."

Remus was quiet for a moment as he remembered back. "It was hard for a couple of blokes unused to this sort of thing, but I think we did quite well for ourselves."

"Oh yeah," Harry said. "It all looks great." Harry looked around them, at the other flowers, the fence with Teddy's handprint painted on the gate. It was nice.

Remus looked around too. "The garden does indeed look beautiful. Though that isn't what I meant."

Harry's brow furrowed. "What did you mean then?"

With a sigh, Remus smiled and looked down at his hands folded in his lap before he finally answered the question.

"We are some lot, you, me, and Teddy. Whatever had given us,  _me_ , the idea that we could live so happily so easily, I don't know. But after everything, we found ourselves here nonetheless.

"I don't presume to know why you decided to accept my offer, but for whatever reason, you did. And I certainly don't know what you expected from it. There is very little I knew for certain when we came to live here, and that was what I wanted for both you and Teddy.

"And it was difficult. Merlin, everything was so difficult then. Still is, sometimes."

Harry was staring out at the lilies again, listening to Remus.

"I was trying, but more than anything, I was just too tired to think properly then and that just made things more difficult for us. I'm sorry for that, for having pushed you into something you may not have really wanted.

"As I said though, I think we did well," he finished.

Harry turned to look at Remus, who was looking up at the stars again.

"Was it really that big of a deal that I initially didn't want the garden?" Harry asked, a bit confused.

Remus laughed softly. "Building this garden was never about planting flowers, Harry. It was just something for us to do together. As a family. That's what I wanted to give to you and Teddy, a family."

Harry still looked confused. "I thought it was because you needed something to do, to, you know, deal with everything."

"Oh, it was Harry," Remus said. "Merlin knows I needed something, but it was all for you as well. Maybe I ought to have just talked to you more, about what I wanted, and what I thought you needed. I admit that I went about things all wrong, I've made so many mistakes by you and Teddy, Harry. But they were done with the best of intentions, I promise.

"I wanted us to be a family, I wanted you two to be happy is all."

"We are, Remus," Harry said immediately. "It was hard in the beginning, yeah, but we were both so frustrated and tired then. It's no one fault, it's the way it was and now we're better."

"I am very happy to hear you say that, Harry," Remus said, genuinely so. "I still find myself quite tired now though, for different reasons, but no less the weary. And tonight, I made the mistake of treating you like the child I still sometimes see you as. I am sorry for that.

"I think we all may have said things we shouldn't have, but -"

Harry interrupted him. "I couldn't let Snape say anything more about my dad and Sirius, and what he was suggesting about me, it wasn't true,"

"I know that, Harry," Remus said. "And I wouldn't have let him say anything more about any of my friends. I hardly think that he would have said anything at all if he hadn't been provoked though.

"You know who you are Harry, and I know, and Teddy knows. You can't let Severus or anyone else try to tell you any different. He had no right to say those things to hurt you, but you had no right either."

"I know," Harry said. "I had no right to use what happened between you just to anger him because it only upsets you as well. And in front of Teddy, no less. I'm sorry, Remus."

Remus gave him a small smile, accepting his apology and gave him a small pat on the knee to affirm it.

Harry had been sorry he had ever said it actually, from the moment it left his mouth. He was relieved that Remus could so easily forgive him for such a terrible thing.

"I just don't understand it, I guess," he said finally, searching for the right words. "He was so terrible to you, and now he's here in our home, and you and Teddy are spending so much time with him. Draco I can sort of understand, but Snape?"

"I imagine my reasons aren't so different than yours for writing that letter," Remus said simply. "It's the garden all over again, I suppose. We both are looking for something to make us feel better about our past."

"I shouldn't have written that letter at all. I really don't think he cares, and especially not now."

"I don't know, Harry. You shouldn't be so quick to judge  _or_  to give up."

Harry shook his head. "It doesn't matter either way anymore, I don't think."

"No, maybe not," Remus said. "Perhaps too much time has passed and our mistakes are too great to try mending them now, but we can hope that maybe not  _enough_  time has passed and there is always the chance.

"For now though, we can sit a while longer and enjoy the garden." It was another hour before they got up and went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read. I hope I haven't disappointed anyone too much. 
> 
> Please, I would love to hear your thoughts, opinions, and general feedback, so leave a comment. Remember though, be gentle with it. Thank you all again.


	7. Chapter 7

Teddy walked through the long blades of weeds that surrounded the pond near the Burrow. Remus followed a few steps behind him, making sure not to lose him in the tall grass, but giving him room to roam about on his own.

They were having dinner with the Weasley’s tonight and had decided to go for a walk when Molly had shooed Remus from the kitchen for trying to help.

Earlier in the evening, Molly had mentioned that Teddy had been awfully quiet throughout the day. That was highly unusual for the curious and chatty little boy. Molly thought he might be ill, but Remus thought otherwise.

It had been ten days since they’d had Severus and Draco over for dinner, and Teddy hadn’t really been himself since then. He thought that Teddy had been pacified with the explanation he gave him about why the night had ended so abruptly; Remus had lied to him, obviously, but it had been the right thing to do.

He’d lamely explained that it had been late and that they had all grown a little cranky because they were tired. Teddy seemed a little unsure at first, but when first Remus, and then Harry had apologized for being so grumpy, he had let it go.

Two days later however, Remus received an owl from Draco. That was when Teddy had started to ask him about that dinner again.

As the days and week wore on, Teddy seemed to want more of an answer, but Remus had nothing else to tell him. What _else_ could he tell him? 

He couldn’t tell his son that _he_ had actually been the most mature person at the dinner table that night; that the “adults” had all just been a bunch of bloody gits who all needed to grow up and start acting their age.

Now was as good a time as any to explain once more, he supposed. 

Remus sighed. _I’m his father_ , he thought to himself. Teddy obviously was having trouble with this. So, it was his job to make it right as best as he could.

“Son,” Remus said. Teddy had crouched down by the water’s edge, looking for any sort of creature he could observe. 

Teddy looked up at his dad, “I’m not sick. Mrs. Weasley thought I wasn’t feeling well, but really, I feel fine.”

“That’s good, I’m glad to hear that, Teddy. There must be some other reason you were so quiet today then, yes? Is there something bothering you?” Remus knew the answer to that, of course. 

Teddy looked away, turning his attention back to the few tadpoles that swam around his twiddling fingers in the water. 

“Ted, if there’s something bothering you, I would very much like to know,” he said, crouching beside his son, his knees making an audible “popping” sound.

Teddy sighed and sat himself down in the grass; Remus did the same.

“I know you said we’d see Draco again soon. And I _know_ you’ve already explained it, but dad, I just don’t understand why we can’t visit Severus, or why he hasn’t visited us again,” he said. Teddy paused for a moment, and his hair shifted from the muted red it had been to a sandy brown, his normal hair color.

There was definitely something weighing heavily on his mind.

He took a breath. “When you were in the kitchen washing up, I flicked my toy wand and it flew out of my hand, was he angry about that? I didn’t hit him, but I did say sorry, dad. I did. Did I say something else to make him upset?”

Remus’ heart broke to hear his son so worried over something that had absolutely nothing to do with him. He reached out and tugged him closer, settling him in his lap. Teddy looked so dejected, his hair hiding his eyes.

“No, love. You did absolutely nothing wrong, I promise you. Nothing at all,” he hugged Teddy to him and hoped for the right words to make Teddy believe him. His heart broke a little more when he felt the short, little arms wrap around his own and hold onto him.

He should have seen this coming, he should have put a stop to it right away, but his own ulterior motives for wanting to befriend Severus had caused his boy this hurt.

“Teddy, love, we’ve talked about this before. Remember Ali, from the shop? It’s the same thing now with Severus. He’s a grown up with friends, a job, and a life of his own. He has things to do, and perhaps he just doesn’t have the time for new friends right now. It was only an accident that we bumped into him after all. Besides that, he did help you meet your cousin, didn’t he?” Teddy nodded, but didn’t loosen his grip at all.

“I know you wanted to be friends, but you can’t be so upset that he isn’t around. The truth is that we may not be seeing Severus for a while, cub. But that hasn’t anything to do with you, do you understand?” 

Teddy chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, but nodded, “yes.”

“Good. Now, I don’t want you to worry about this any more, please. And if you ever feel upset about anything, I want you to tell me, alright? Anything at all. I promise I will do my best to make things better. You’re my cub, you’re my whole life, Teddy, and I don’t ever want you to be sad.”

Teddy hugged his dad properly and sniffled a bit into his shirt. “I just wanted to be friends, is all,” he said quietly. 

Remus sighed inwardly. “I know, love.” _So did I_.

####

“Made it into a great, big mess is what I’ve done,” Remus said while pouring another cup of tea for himself.

“Well, yes, I’m afraid it seems you have. But Professor Snape isn’t so stubborn as to not give you a chance to explain, is he?”

Remus quirked his eyebrows.

“Yes, alright, maybe he _would_ be that stubborn.”

“If I could just get him to listen to me for one minute, but I really don’t think he’d even allow me that. I’d rather not ask Draco to talk to him for me either. I’ve run out of ideas short of showing up at his doorstep.”

“Why not try that?” Hermione asked.

“I don’t know that I won’t be hexed on the spot. It’s always a toss up with him, and I dare say I’d deserve it this time,” Remus said. “Seems I’m always worried he’ll hex me the moment he sees me, actually.” 

Hermione tried to hide her smile behind her teacup, but couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “I’m sorry, Remus. I’m not sure you realize just how many of his students feared walking into his classroom for that very reason.”

Remus laughed out loud. “Is that right? Well, it’s nice to know I’m not alone then.”

Hermione smiled, “You’re certainly not alone, that I know for sure.” Remus thanked her by patting her arm and offering her more tea.

“Honestly, I don’t know that I want to see the look on his face if I were to just show up. What I said that night was probably worse than having never said anything at all during school.”

“It’s not any better or worse, Remus, but it certainly won’t get any better if you just leave it like this again. He’s important to you, I know,” she paused, waiting for something. She continued after a moment.

“If you explain yourself, and he still refuses to talk to you, well then you’ve at least made this effort. You have your reasons as to why he is so important, and that’ll just have to do if he decides to remain so stubborn. That’s the worst-case, and I know that’s not what you want, but if you make him listen, he may surprise you. He has before, hasn’t he?”

Remus nodded thoughtfully.

####

Remus sat behind the counter of the small book shop he owned in Hogsmeade. With school out for the summer, his work days were rather slow, so he took out a small notebook he always kept with him.

Dipping his quill in ink, he opened the journal and found the page he needed. Half way down the page he scribbled what he had eaten that day, how he was feeling, and after a quick spell, he wrote down his blood pressure.

The full moon was near and he’d start taking the Wolfsbane tonight after dinner. One of the house elves from Hogwarts had popped in during lunch to bring it to him.

It wasn’t really necessary for him to record this information, but it made him and Hermione feel a little better knowing that if there ever was anything wrong, they’d have an idea of where to start.

A year after the war had ended, when Remus was still having trouble sleeping; one month, a week before the full moon, he’d woken up from a nightmare drenched in sweat, his heart racing and his breathing labored.

Harry had been away that night, and Teddy with his grandmother. With no one else to call, Remus had flooed Hermione.

She came right over and after determining that he was in no immediate danger, she had helped him to calm down and explain what had caused this reaction.

Remus told her about the dream he had been having: “I dreamt that it was the night of the full, and I had taken my potion as usual, but something was wrong. I changed, but it was painful, like it had been before the potion and before Padfoot and Prongs. My bones ache even now,” he said, flexing his hands.

“I was the wolf - body and mind, totally - and I didn’t recognize Teddy, not even as my cub. And I didn’t recognize Harry. I attacked them,” Remus had to pause for a moment to catch his breath. 

“Merlin, Hermione, I could feel the warmth of their blood as I sunk my teeth into them, I could hear them crying, their bones breaking, but I couldn’t stop myself. It wasn’t just that I was the wolf, it was more than that. I felt as if I was watching myself do these things, but could feel them all just as well, and could do nothing to stop it. That’s never happened before.”

“Remus, stop that,” Hermione had said, gently pulling his hand away from his chest. She was crying, and then Remus realized he was too. 

Hermione had made him take off the sweaty shirt he had been wearing when he awoke, but he hadn’t changed into the new one sitting in his lap when he had started his story.

While he had been talking, he had been scratching at the number tattooed across his clavicle. A drop of blood slowly trickled down his chest from one of the scratches and the sight and scent completely overwhelmed Remus. He ran to the bathroom just in time to be sick into the toilet. 

Hermione had followed him in; he couldn’t thank her enough for having sat with him in the cramped bathroom, rubbing his back and listening to him blubber on about having the taste of blood in his mouth.

“Shh,” she’d said to him. “Your family is fine, Remus. You haven’t - you couldn’t - hurt them, ever. Every one is fine.”

When he finally had emptied his stomach and regulated his breathing, Hermione had flooed the school and asked Madame Pomfrey to come straight away.

Madame Pomfrey had given him a calming draught and a dose of dreamless sleep after checking him over and finding no other ailments. It had been a nightmare-induced panic attack, she had said.

In the days following, before the actual full moon, Remus had Harry install chains at the Shack. It had been years since Remus had needed to stay there, but he wouldn’t listen to anyone on the matter now. It hurt to be away from Teddy during the moon, but he thought it would be best if he stayed away this time.

Remus asked Hermione to watch over Teddy that night, and she did. She stayed with him all night and did her best to keep him from crying the entire night long. Harry offered to stay at the Shack with him, but even the thought caused Remus to break into a sweat. Ron offered as well, but Remus said they could keep watch from the village, in case something should happen.

The Wolfsbane worked just as it should have that change. He maintained his human mind, though his arms were sore from the chains. That was it. Teddy and Harry were fine, everything was fine.

He had a couple days of reprieve from the constant worry, but what little peace he had had been interrupted.

One night, he’d woken up from another dream, not as violent or realistic as the one before, but he was the wolf again. He could see himself running in some wooded area, he knew it was him he was watching because he could feel the cool ground and sticks breaking under his paws. He could feel the wind rushing past him, and smell the earthy scents around him; he almost enjoyed it, but soon he felt an urge growing rapidly inside of him, the need to tear into soft, giving flesh, to taste the tang of blood in his mouth. After the taste in that first nightmare, the wolf wanted more.

He’d been sick that night too when he finally woke himself up, and Hermione had been there for him again. Harry had called her, and he watched over Teddy while Hermione watched over him.

He had another two dreamless nights after that. On the third morning he’d woken up suddenly, but not for any particular reason he could remember. That afternoon, walking into a room at the WRR offices where he was to give a lecture in front of a family and friends support group, he could hardly catch his breath. 

One of the other staff members had to make apologies for him as he walked outside as quickly as he could. When finally he had made it out, it took him three tries to finally take a deep breath. 

When something similar had happened at the Burrow two weeks later, Hermione escorted him home and laid out for him all the books and pamphlets he would need to read up on for these panic attacks.

She had done all her research like the school girl he always remembered her to be, and helped him map out some causes for the attacks, ways to prevent them from happening and what to do if he couldn’t.

It took three months for Remus to go through the change with another person in the room, and another two after that to do it under the same roof as Teddy. It was six months in total from his initial panic until he could be with Teddy during the change.

Sometimes, even now, when he felt himself losing his grip, moments few and far in between now thankfully, Remus subconsciously started scratching at the number tattooed across his collarbone.

####

Remus checked the bandage on his chest after he’d written down his information for the afternoon.

Nearly six months from his last panic, he’d woken up that morning with dried blood stuck under his fingernails. The scratches hadn’t really been too bad, but he sent an owl to

Harry earlier in the day and asked him to come over for dinner. He felt fine despite his morning really, but it would be nice to see Harry tonight anyway.

His family - seeing them healthy and happy, and safe - that was something that always helped to ease Remus’ mind.

When the panic felt like a slow build, something he could feel filling him up inside, Teddy and Harry were always the best, most steadfast totems he needed. They helped clear his mind and helped him focus.

When Remus felt sudden panic approaching, the sort that was sure to shallow him whole in a matter of moments, he needed to feel something hard and tangible under his palms. Usually, the arm of a chair, a table, a counter, a wall - any object he could remain grounded to, something to hold on to while he caught his breath.

Once, he’d used his wand, but all he managed to do was break a few dishes with the accidental magic he released.

Like monitoring his health before the full moon, Remus found writing to be a helpful distraction. He did that quite a bit, even just for his own enjoyment. 

Journal entries, the bits of dreams he remembered in the mornings, the occasional, though admittedly horrible drawings, memories from his childhood, and people he had known.

That was how Severus Snape became such an important figure in Remus Lupin’s life.

####

To his credit, thanks to stubborn pride and too many years spent feeling bitter, Severus managed to keep his anger at just below boiling point for two weeks. By the fifteenth day after that night, he simply couldn’t be bothered to keep it up. He was angry still, and embarrassed that he’d shared intimate details about himself with Lupin, only to have him throw them aside for dead memories of lost schoolmates, but he was done wasting any more of his precious time dwelling.

Lupin had made his choice and Severus was too proud to acknowledge it any more than he already had. 

He had plenty of work to do, work that he couldn’t afford to not focus his attention on. And so that is what he did. He spent three days down in his lab filling orders, breaking only to sleep, and sometimes to eat.

On the first day, he filled orders for some of the local vendors he supplied for. On the second day he filled an order for Wolfsbane for a private client and sent it off as soon as it had cooled, along with the instructions he always provided with this particular potion. On the third day, he filled the orders Poppy had sent to him for the upcoming school year.

 _Horace should be embarrassed to call himself the potions professor of Hogwarts_ , he thought to himself as he bottled the last of the Pepper-Up potion. _Can’t even bother to brew for his own students._

On the fourth day, he gave his cottage a thorough cleaning. He’d been neglecting it in recent weeks. 

When his home was spotless, everything dusted, polished, and in its rightful place, he realized just how much he hated the house he lived in. 

Sometimes, the mere thought of another morning waking up in this cottage was enough to keep him down in his dark lab throughout the entire night. It wasn’t worth his energy to drag himself up to the empty space full of reminders of things he’d rather not remember.

 _This_ was not his home. _This_ was an option left to him to use should he ever have need to escape and hide. _This_ was a cottage on a hill overlooking the sea. _This_ was his afterward, when things should have been better, when he no longer had to hide. But this is what he got after so many years fighting. He wanted more, but one can only stand to fight the inevitable for so long, and _this_ was his inevitable.

To make matters all the worse for him now, he’d gone and thought it possible to have a normal, not so difficult friendship with someone he might have got on well with had their histories not been so soiled. The idea of friendship hadn’t seemed so threatening before, but realizing his mistake now, his choice in pursuing such a thing was one of his stupidest - and with his past, that was saying something.

His cottage seemed even more depressing than it ever had to Severus. He had his lab though. If he was lucky, he’d forget all about the time he had left and could work straight through it all. Though, he was never that lucky.

####

Severus managed to work twelve hours straight that next morning. His pride told him he could have worked longer, but he’d simply run out of work to do. That bothered him, that he hadn’t even work to distract himself with.

The morning had started awfully at four in the morning when he’d woken up suddenly. He didn’t remember why, but what lingered for a few moments when he awoke worsened his mood. 

Skipping breakfast altogether, Severus opted for a cup of coffee only and headed straight for his lab. He sat there for nearly an hour, nursing a now cold cup and willing his body to get rid of the pain in his temples and in his throat. 

When finally the pain seemed to ebb, he began his work. He worked steadily throughout the day and was just finishing cleaning his workstation when he sensed someone had entered the cottage. By the particular sensation of magic, he knew it was Draco.

Swishing his hand towards the door to the laboratory, he unlocked it and waited for the tell-tale squeak to let him know his godson was on his way down.

 _Squeak._ As annoying as it might be, a squeaky door was a useful tool for someone who lived the sort of life Severus did.

Severus heard the footsteps as Draco descended, and ignored the sigh that followed when he stopped.

“You haven’t accepted mother’s invitation. By the looks of it, you haven’t been up at all since you started,” Draco said, matter-of-factly. “She’s sent me to tell you to be at the manor by seven for dinner.”

Severus switched off the remaining lit burners at his worktable and moved to the next station to begin clearing it. He waited until he was done with his thorough routine cleaning before addressing the younger man.

“Please pass on my regrets to your mother, but I am unavailable to join you for dinner tonight. I’m not feeling well,” he said.

“Yes, you do look tired,” Draco added. Severus glared.

He said, “I’ve not been sleeping well, if you must know.” Draco followed him up the stairs and into the kitchen.

“You could stay for a day or two. You’ve been working too hard,” Draco said seriously, accepting the cup of tea Severus offered him. “Mother’s kept your room just as you left it, of course. She’d be happy to have some company.”

Severus scoffed, as if it was his duty to keep his mother company.

“I haven’t the time to keep your mother company when she’s in one of her states, and besides that, I have plenty of work that needs to be done here.”

“It isn’t a _state_ ,” Draco said, his demeanor changing to meet the irritation in his godfather’s voice. “She’s tired, too. She’s also one of the few people that actually enjoys your company. And you’re one of the few who doesn’t turn down her offers for tea because you’re too embarrassed to socialize with a Malfoy.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Narcissa is embarrassed to go out and risk being shunned by the public opinion. If she isn’t at some charity ball she can donate to in order to help your family name, she keeps to herself in the Manor. It’s her own fault she is so lonely and requires my shoulder on which to cry when it becomes too much to bear on her own.”

Draco’s usually fair skin was alighted with anger. He hated when Severus did this, no matter how much he knew his godfather didn’t really mean what he said. It was meant to get a rise out of him because he needed to release some of his own frustration.

“You better than anyone then, should appreciate why it is she always hopes you’ll visit. She’s lost so much, and fights so hard to keep the family name out of the gutter not for herself, but for me and my father. It’s too hard to fight all the time. Is it really too much for you to visit more often?”

“Yes,” Severus said, nearly shouting. “It is too much sometimes. I’ve said no, so do please send my regards to your mother. I do not wish for company.”

With his pure-blood nose raised in the air, daring Severus to tell him to leave, Draco asked, “If you don’t want company, shall I just leave you to your precious potions?”

Severus couldn’t tell Draco to leave; he didn’t want to him to either. He immediately regretted having said what he did, not because it wasn’t true, but because Draco’s response had been true of him. He did understand what it meant to feel the way Narcissa often felt. They were the same in that way.

He suspected that towards the end of the war, she knew on which side he truly fought and even more so respected him and trusted him enough to not say anything to anyone, and know that he’d do all within his powers to protect their family as best as he could. She knew that he’d fight for Draco no matter the cost.  
While he regretted having his own matters thrown back at him, he regretted putting Draco into such a situation. It bothered Draco, he knew, when he lashed out, especially at him. He also knew however, that his godson had a perspective on these moments and would forgive him afterward. So he hoped was the case after each, at least.

Instead of asking Draco to leave so that he could get back to work, he gave him a half-hearted glare and sipped his tea. Not saying anything was as good as asking him to stay.

Draco didn’t bother to push any more, knowing that if he did, they’d likely wind up shouting at each other eventually. That’s how all of their heated arguments progressed.

The pair sat in silence for a while, each taking the time to settle down. Draco watched Severus sip at his tea and noted that he really did look ill and upset. He was obviously angry and had dark circles under his eyes. He hadn’t had eaten today, it looked like. The last couple of visits, he hadn’t seen him eat anything either. And he was working all day, no doubt. The cottage hardly looked lived in.

Draco sighed inwardly. He knew that Severus would have a hard time about what had happened with Lupin, but he had hoped that it would blow over by now. What was wrong, was nothing Draco could help at the moment though. Whatever was bothering him would have to work itself out, as it usually did.

“Did you read the Prophet this morning?” Draco asked, picking at his biscuit and changing the subject.

“My time is far too precious to waste on such rot,” Severus lied.

He’d read the paper while he nursed his coffee in the lab this morning. The headline of the top story of that morning’s edition of The Daily Prophet was about the riot that had incited over the weekend at Azkaban prison. Lucius’ name was the only one mentioned. The article noted that the prisoners responsible for the commotion had been sent to D-

Block for an indefinite time. 

D-Block was the area of the prison still controlled by dementors. 

“Tell your mother not to expect me any sooner than half-past seven.”

####

“How are you, Draco?” Remus asked as the two sat for lunch.

“I’m fine, thank you. And yourself, and Teddy, it’s only two days since the full moon.”

“We’re well, thank you,” he said. “Your patient last month, the one who had the bad change, I hope he hasn’t been back to see you this month.”

“No. Actually, Severus provided the Wolfsbane potion for him.”

Remus was a bit surprised, but tried not to insult the young man in front of him by showing it on his face.

“That’s awfully kind of him,” he said simply.

“Yes, it is. In fact, Severus has offered to provide him with the potion for the next couple of months, by which time he should find suitable arrangements and work.”

Remus frowned a bit, “It isn’t always so easy for people like me to find work, but he’s working with the Reform, right? He’s young, and doesn’t show any outward signs of his condition, so Hermione tells me. I hope they can find him something soon.”

“And Hermione tells me that only the inflicted who can find proper work have access to the potion, is that true?”

Remus nodded. “Unfortunately. We simply can’t fund mass quantities of the potion at the moment. Those who can find steady work pay only half of what it would cost them at an apothecary.”

“And how does the Reform get its funds?” Draco asked, pulling out a quill and notebook from the pocket of his robes. 

“Well, the organization is a subsidiary of the Ministry, which means they provide us with a small amount of funding. Very small,” he answered. “And the rest is largely made up of donations really; from institutions like Hogwarts to private donors. The work is nearly all volunteer, so the majority of the money goes straight to the potion.”

“What is it that you’re doing over there?” he asked when he was done explaining.

“What Malfoys do best, of course - thinking of money.” Draco said putting his quill down, a cocky smirk on his face. 

Remus thought it a bit sad that Draco still put on such a façade. He had no doubt that Draco still felt some pride in his family name, but Remus wasn’t convinced it was for the reasons he fronted. 

“Maybe before that’s what Malfoys were best at, but I don’t think that’s so true anymore. And you certainly don’t have to pretend that it is, Draco,” he said.

Draco paused for a moment, studying what Remus might mean by that, but let it go after a moment while he put away his notebook.

“I hope this young man understands just how generous an offer Severus has made him.”

Draco nodded and drank from the glass of pumpkin juice the waitress had just set down.

“The potion is expensive and time-consuming, as you know. Even for Severus, it’s taxing. But he’s always enjoyed the challenge, and he appreciates that his work is appreciated.

In fact, I think that’s why he agreed to do it. No one has needed him or his skills in a long while. Except me, of course.” Draco smiled at that last part. A soft sort of smile that one could easily interpret as a smirk, but it was very clearly genuine to Remus.

Remus took a long look at Draco and noticed how much different he seemed one-on-one, like he wasn’t worried about what someone thought of him, of the things he said, or the way he was perceived by others.

“How is Severus?” he asked after a few moments.

“You’ve not spoken since dinner, I suppose,” Draco said matter-of-factly.

“No, we haven’t,” Remus said, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Actually, I had hoped to ask you today whether you thought that maybe he would be willing to see me sometime. To talk.”

“Probably not,” Draco answered flatly. “He’s been a bit ill recently, and when he’s ill, he prefers not to be bothered.” 

“Ill?” Remus said a bit incredulously. “Is it serious?”

“No, nothing that he hasn’t dealt with before. It comes in bouts, you see.”

Remus sighed out of relief. 

“You know, I can’t remember Severus ever being ill. He never missed a class that year I taught at Hogwarts, and probably not even throughout those last few years, I bet.”

Draco sneered for the briefest of moments. “Obviously,” he said, sounding quite bitter. “He’s a Potions Master who didn’t have the luxury. Of course you never _saw_ him ill.”

For a few moments Remus sat quietly, a bit taken back by the sudden change in temperament. By the sudden blank look on Draco’s face, he didn’t think Draco had meant to say what he had.

For someone to say something along those lines about a Potions Master was to imply something serious.

Draco had been quite bothered about seeing Severus the day before. He really wasn’t expecting to see him in such a way. He’d been angry and lashed out at him, but was very clearly shaken about everything, he was tired, and hardly even ate that night when they’d had dinner with his mother at the Manor. 

He had been worrying about Severus since then and said more than he meant to when Remus sounded so unbelieving and inconsiderate of all that Severus had been through on his own during the war, and all that he was fighting even now.

“He isn’t like that anymore, I don’t want you to think that,” Draco said quietly, feeling embarrassed. “Not for a very long time-”

“Draco,” Remus cut him off. “You don’t have to tell me anymore. I trust your word that Severus is fine, and that’s all that matters now anyway.” 

“I don’t want it spread around; it isn’t anyone’s business.” Remus caught the guilty tone of Draco’s and sighed again.

“I would never, Draco,” he promised, hoping he understood that Remus wasn’t interested in revenge for what had been done to him. “Only if you want,” he said and placed his hand gently on the younger man’s forearm, hoping he understood that if he did have something on his mind, he could confide in him.

Draco understood and simply nodded his head and went back to his drink.

“As his personal healer, I think a visit would do him some good. Though you’re not to blame me if he hexes you.”

“No, I never drop my guard around the man, I’ve given him too many reasons to do so,” he said. “Teddy spends Saturday mornings with me at the shop. The three of us could have lunch then, if that works for your schedule, and on Sunday, I’ll pay Severus a visit.”

####

Saturday came rather quickly for Remus, though not quite so for Teddy, who had been so excited in the days leading up to lunch with his cousin. 

The Friday before their lunch date, Remus apparated to the Burrow to pick up Teddy. 

Like they had almost two weeks earlier, Remus and Teddy went for a stroll to the small pond and sat for a while, playing with the tadpoles.

“Look dad,” Teddy said, leaning in for a better look. “Lots of them have legs now!”

Remus smiled. It had been an exciting, but trying month; Teddy was a fighter and seemed to be moving as well as can be expected of a nearly-five year old. 

“Looks like,” he said, ruffling the boy’s hair. “Soon enough you’ll be able to sprout gills and go for a swim with them.”

Teddy’s eyes lit up. “Do you think so, dad? Real gills, ones that will let me breathe under water? Can wizards like me really do that?”

If not for the purely fantastic curiosity in Teddy’s voice, Remus might have been sorry for implanting the idea in his head at such a young age.

“Not for a while, but someday when you’re older, I’m sure you’ll be able to do it,” he said. “You know, your mother could pull some extraordinary tricks. Not all tricks of course, they served her well as an Auror.”

Teddy listened to his dad tell him a story about his mother making animal faces at the dinner table. 

“It was a regular thing, actually. Everyone loved it, your mother could always make us laugh,” he said. “We could be discussing some incredibly, super secret Order plans one minute and the next she’d have me in stitches.”

Teddy smiled. He didn’t remember his mother, but he loved hearing stories about her. When Teddy looked up, he noticed Remus’ eyebrows knitted together and the slightest frown on his face. He looked sad.

####

That night, Teddy made no fuss about staying up late. He wanted the morning to hurry so that the afternoon would come even quicker.

Something had been bothering him all evening though and he knew himself well enough to know that he might stay up for a while thinking about it if he didn’t say something.

So, as little boys often do, he simply said bluntly what was on his mind.

“Do you miss her still?” he asked while his dad tucked him in.

Remus thought for a moment, trying to figure out what Teddy was talking about. “Your mum,” he questioned. “Sure. All the time.”

“Then, is that why you’re always sad?” Teddy said.

“Why do you think I’m sad?”

Teddy shrugged and snuggled into his pillow a bit. “I dunno. You just look sad sometimes, when you think no one is looking.”

Remus sighed and dropped down in front of the bed, face-to-face with Teddy, who was very obviously trying to hide in his pillow and blanket.

“Look at me, Ted,” he said gently, prying the blanket away from his boy’s face. “I do miss your mother, but she’s gone and even though that makes me sad, I have so many other lovely reasons to be happy. Like you.”

“And Harry?” Teddy asked.

“And Harry. And Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley, and Mr. Weasley, and - ”

“Alright, dad. I get it,” Teddy laughed.

“Good because I have whole long list that would take until morning to get through, but we’ve got a busy day and little metamorphagi cubs need their rest.” Remus leaned in and kissed Teddy on the top of his sandy brown hair and stood up. “Goodnight.”

Just as Remus reached the door, he heard a tired voice say, “Dad, I promise I won’t ask again, but I wondered if maybe Severus might be having lunch with us tomorrow?”

His eyes fell closed as he sighed. Being a father was so hard sometimes.

“No, son, we won’t be seeing him tomorrow. But we’ll have a nice time with Draco all the same,” he said.

“I know we will. I won’t ask about him anymore, I promise,” Teddy said, doing a fairly good job at keeping the disappointment out of his voice. “Goodnight, dad. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Teddy. I love you more.”

 _Being a father was_ too _hard sometimes_ , Remus thought as he turned out the light.

####

“Draco, you realize you don’t have to buy Teddy’s affection with sweets, don’t you?” Remus asked. Teddy was currently busy stuffing a large spoonful of ice cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles into his mouth.

Draco wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, he thought that perhaps Remus was only kidding, but honestly, that was exactly what he had been trying to do.

Draco had taken the two to a restaurant he liked to eat at, only after asking more than once whether the choice was okay for them. Conversation, though a bit forced and awkward at first, had eased and relaxed. Remus thought it was charming how flustered Draco could get with Teddy.

He really didn’t need to try so hard, Teddy thought Draco was utterly brilliant.

Teddy told his cousin about the tadpoles at the Burrow, and how he had plans to grow gills so that he could swim with them one day. Half way through the meal, Remus had to remind Teddy to keep his changes in check. The roots of his hair had started to grow blonde, to match Draco’s, as he listened to him talk about a boy who had come into the hospital with gnome bites. 

Teddy asked whether he had had any patients who were metamorphagi stuck as something other than themselves. He’d sounded half curiously excited and half frightened of the answer. 

Draco laughed, but said no. Teddy was quite relieved at that. 

“Though, during only my second week at St. Mungos, we had a cat come in. Of course, we thought it was just a stray who’d wandered in by accident, but on closer inspection, we realized the cat actually had two thumbs and a bit of a toe. She was an unregistered animagi who had just learned how to transform, but hadn’t yet learned how to change back.”

Teddy giggled until he nearly fell out of his chair.

As lovely as their lunch had been, Draco still seemed a bit nervous.

When no response came quick enough, Remus clarified for him, “I’m only teasing, Draco.”

Draco forced a smile and a short laugh, “of course.”

“Honestly though, you don’t have to spoil him. He likes you plenty,” Remus pointed out.

It was so surprising how one-on-one or with Severus by his side, Draco was so much more confidant in himself, in his actions, and his words. Though, if he thought about it more, maybe it shouldn’t have been so surprising after all.

This was all incredibly new for Draco and it made Remus sorry that something so simple could be so difficult for him. No matter how much his parents cared about him, the difficult reactions meant that he hadn’t had much experience with genuine affection coming without a gift of some sort attached.

“You really don’t, you are my cousin after all. But it is nice,” Teddy said with a grin after swallowing another mouthful. “Thank you, Draco.”

“You’re welcome,” Draco said.

Seeing the sincere looks on both the younger boys’ faces he realized, while he had been dwelling on the recent falling out they’d had, he was actually quite thankful for having run into Severus that day nearly two months ago. 

Already too much of that time had been spent upset and sorry for the mess that had been created, but not for long. He’d do his best to make things right with Severus, even if it meant they wouldn’t have the friendship he had hoped for. 

####

Before Remus knew it, it was Sunday afternoon and he was leaving Teddy with his two favorite babysitters - Harry and Ron.

“What’s this business you have on a Sunday anyhow, Remus?” Ron asked, plopping Teddy down from his piggyback ride.

Remus covered, “Oh, just some Reform business. Some of the families like to keep as much private as possible.” Which was true. Remus was no stranger to WRR business on the weekends, when their offices were usually closed. 

He certainly couldn’t tell Ron where he was actually going.

Picking up his good ol’ briefcase with his initials stamped onto the flap, he stuffed some papers and a very intimidating thick folder inside to play up his lie.

When he was ready to leave, Harry promised to take good care of his godson and Ron promised to blame Harry for any messes he may come home to find. Remus kissed his son on the forehead and was out the door with a wave.

Once outside, as he walked to the Apparation spot just inside the fenced in yard. A simple activation of the muggle-repelling charm and he could safely Apparate from that point. 

####

Remus apparated into the alley between the fruit market and the post office of the village where Severus now lived. _This town really is quite charming_ , Remus thought as he passed by an older couple sitting outside a coffee shop.

As he made his way up the street, toward the homes near the edge of the square, he rehearsed what he had planned to say when he arrived at Severus’ home.

Suddenly, all those incredibly well thought-out lines seemed too rehearsed. How could he expect Severus to believe his words if they were beginning to sound insincere to himself?

He decided that he couldn’t just walk up to the man’s door with his thoughts all scattered. He slowed his pace and started looking around the village square; he needed a few minutes to just sit and gather himself properly. There was a bookstore just across the street. 

_That will do_ , he thought. He could browse a bit and let his mind settle down. So he did.

Running his long, pointed fingers across the spines of books in the herbology section, Remus figured out what he needed to say to Severus.

Flipping through the pages of an old, muggle novel, he decided what he wanted to say to Severus.

Remus then found himself in the “new release” section of the tiny shop, which was actually a bit out of date judging from some of the books he saw on the little table.

Digging through his coat pocket, he pulled out his reading glasses and picked up a book about the changes in politics since the end of the war. He flipped to a chapter called

“Wasted Galleons: Ministry Funding,” the shopkeeper looked up and glared when Remus snorted out loud. Near the end of the chapter, under the heading “Werewolves,” the author noted that the Ministry was giving up more galleons to reform efforts than the “beasts” would ever be worth.

He said a quiet apology to the old man hunched over a stack of books. He put the book back down and decided what, exactly, he thought was the most important thing for him to tell Severus.

Finally, with a better understanding of his thoughts and a bit more confidence, Remus found his way to the far end of the houses, walked passed them and straight to Severus’ cottage. 

Crossing the threshold of the front gate, Remus felt a tingle pass through his body - a protection charm. He felt fine, wasn’t missing any bits. That was a good sign, he supposed.

Walking up to the door, he knocked thrice and waited.

_Perhaps he’s down in his lab working. But certainly he’d have a trigger charm to tell him someone was on his property and was knocking on the door._

Remus knocked again, louder this time. Turning away from the door, he looked out towards the other houses. This particular cottage was purposefully out of the way of the others. He wondered if any curious persons peeking from their windows could see him waiting around like a fool for the petulant potions master, or whether Severus had any sort of muggle repelling charms.

Of course, there were still the scattered witches and wizards who lived around here -

“What do you want, Lupin?” Remus heard Severus say suddenly. He turned around quickly, hoping to block any chance that Severus would shut the door on him.

“I wanted to talk to you, Severus” he said.

Severus stared at him harshly, his onyx eyes seemingly seeing straight through Remus, trying to find out the true reasons for him showing up and now standing at his doorstep.

Remus held his ground for several long moments.

He knew Severus wouldn’t use legilimency; it was a difficult bit of magic, even for someone as strong as Severus, and he wouldn’t use it on someone unnecessarily. Even still,

Remus could feel Severus’ mind brushing at his ever so faintly, daring Remus to take the bet and let him in. Whether Remus had any practice in this particular art was of no matter, Severus was confidant in his skills and knew he could take as he pleased once he was in.

Remus hesitated before finally dropping his eyes. “I want to talk,” he repeated.

“Fine,” Severus said as he turned and walked back into the house, leaving the door open for Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merp. Enjoy, I guess? I'm trying here... really, I am.  
> Thanks for the support and for sticking around.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on this. I promise. I hope you haven't all abandoned it, or me.  
> This is a short chapter, I know. Sort of disappointing after such a long wait, but this seemed the best place to stop for now. Bear with me, yeah? 
> 
> Thanks so much, all of you. For not making me feel like such a crap writer or poster, or whatever.  
> You all are so very much appreciated.

Remus hesitated in the hall. When Severus brushed past him and walked into the next room, Remus followed behind him. Suddenly, completely unsure of himself once again, he struggled for something to say that wouldn’t result in him being hexed and thrown out immediately. He could feel his head began to hurt at the temples.

“Well?” Severus said impatiently, arms crossed. The sudden, harsh voice made Remus jump slightly. “You're looking quite sickly, Lupin, more so than usual. Whatever it is you've come to say, say it. And kindly leave me be.”

Remus waited for a moment for the ache to subside. When he was certain Severus wouldn't allow him one more, he quickly gathered his thoughts. Finally he said, “I wanted to apologize for dinner.” He groaned inwardly. He'd had something much more eloquent to say before his head had begun to feel so full.

Severus snorted. Remus had suspected he would.

“Yes, I know. It’s a trite thing to say after everything, and it's not exactly how I had wanted to start this, but I am sorry, Severus,” he said.

“And do you think such a simple apology is enough to convince me that you’re sorry for your transgressions, Lupin?” Severus said, eyebrow raised in a challenge.

Remus slowly shook his head. The slight movement caused him to close his eyes for a long moment to right himself. “Not all of them,” he said, scratching lightly just before the collar of his shirt.

Severus smirked. “Oh, but are they not all the same? Standing up for your now-dead friends, instead of doing what's right?”

Remus prickled at his words. His head ached, but the anger he felt rising within him took over. He took a breath, trying to settle down the old bitter feelings. Severus was baiting him now, and he couldn't give into it.

“I did _not_ ,” he emphasized, “come to apologize for sticking up for my _dead friends_. As you so crudely put it.”

Severus’ jaw clenched minutely. “No?” he asked. “Then tell me, what is it that you've come all this way to apologize, if not for being a coward?”

“I'm not a coward. Not anymore,” Remus said flatly. “Severus, please,” he started. This certainly wasn’t going to be as easy as he had foolishly thought beforehand. “I didn’t come here to argue. I wanted to apologize, not for what I said, but for having spoken to you the way I did.”

Remus watched as Severus’ arms closed even tighter around him. Severus wasn't going to make this easy for him, was he? Should have expected.

With a sigh, he took a seat in one of the arm chairs beside the hearth; he motioned for Severus’ to take a seat across for him. Severus didn't so much as blink at the gesture. Remus rubbed at his temples, hoping to ease some of the building pressure.

“Listen, I won’t apologize for what I said, though that’s clearly what you want to hear. I simply cannot do that. I can only apologize for what I am truly sorry for, and what I am truly sorry for is having treated you like some stranger making fun of my friends.

“That isn’t who you are, Severus. That is not how I see you. I am sorry for treating you that way.”

For a few long moments, Remus sat holding his breath, unsure how Severus would respond to his apology. He knew Severus would probably think it a sorry excuse, and maybe it was, he thought momentarily. But it was the truth.

Severus stood still, arms still wrapped across his chest, his jaw firmly set. Too many years of lies and deceit caused him to question even the most honest of people. Lupin was the most honest person he'd ever known.

The anger deflated within him. He wasn't sure why he had been so angry in the first place. This is in fact what he had wanted. For Lupin to come to him to apologize. So that he didn't have to, because he knew he would never.

“And how is it you see me, Lupin?” he asked finally, no longer speaking in a harsh tone; his curiosity evident in his voice. Everything he knew about Lupin told him he was genuine in his apology, but Severus had put his trust in the wrong people before. He could not afford to do so again.

Remus hesitated again, searching Severus’ face for some sort of answer to what the other man was getting at. The other man looked suddenly very different. Arms crossed, but no longer so guarded in his stance. He looked tense in anticipation, and he sounded curious.

He studied his scarred hands for a moment before rising to his feet and turning half away from the other man, pretending to take an interest in a book resting on the small end table.

He said shyly, “I’m not sure you realize what a loaded question that is, Severus.”

Severus only narrowed his eyes at the response. Lupin was being evasive.

Calculated risks came second nature to Severus, he knew exactly what he had asked. Severus felt most at ease in such a situation as this. It gave him a sense of control, to ask a question that demanded an honest answer; one that could not be bluffed.

He could accept the apology or hex Lupin where he stood depending on the answer he received.

At the other man's hesitation, he realized he was not at all prepared for the answer he might receive. He clenched his jaw impossibly tighter at this possibility; it was beginning to ache.

“You are my friend,” Remus said all of a sudden, quietly meeting his eyes finally. “You’re more important to me than you realize, Severus.”

Caught off guard by the sincerity he heard in the other man's voice, that he saw in Remus’ eyes, Severus shifted his weight from his left foot to his right and looked away quickly. He should fight, continue the argument. If it were anyone else telling him this, he'd have already called them out spouting such drivel.

_Fight,_ Severus told himself as he felt his jaw start to ease. Throw him out of this damned cottage and forget that he ever was here.  _You are not his friend._

It was stupid to pretend he wanted to continue arguing, Severus knew that. He was too tired to keep fighting, really. He was too old to keep pretending. Friends were not easy to come by, especially not for him. There weren’t many people he wanted to be friends with, really.

Maybe they _could_ be friends.

As for friends, he considered, he could do far worse; he had done far worse in fact, and it had cost him nearly everything but his life.

“Fine,” he said, choosing to accept this olive branch. He spent the best years of his life taking calculated risks; if this is what he was doing, this was not more than he could handle.

 _I should be afraid of that smirk,_ Remus thought to himself. That had seemed almost too easy. It had cost him the truth though; a truth he hadn't planned to tell so soon. Whether Severus actually realized the truth behind his statement, he wasn't sure, but Severus was quite brilliant. He'd figure it out eventually. And when he did, Remus would let him do with it as he wished. If he chose to ignore it, so be it.

For now, he wasn't going to question why Severus hadn't put up too much of a fight. He didn’t give second chances lightly, and as far as Remus knew, he had never given a third or fourth. And this was easily Remus' third or fourth time asking for a second chance.

Severus had taken a seat in the armchair across from Remus. Remus noted instantly how much more relaxed Severus already looked. Like, accepting this tentative friendship had cost him too much. He shouldn't worry about why the other man had given in so easily, not now anyway. He was simply glad that he had.

The smooth, familiar voice he'd grown so accustomed to hearing had interrupted his thoughts.“Wipe that smile from your face, Lupin,” he heard. Lupin’s grin widened momentarily before he forced himself to straighten out his features.

“Right, sorry.”

**####**

Severus couldn’t help thinking about the question he’d asked and the answered he’d received. For a week after Lupin’s visit, it had weighed heavily on his mind.

He questioned his own intent and then berated himself for having ever asked such a ridiculous question to prompt an equally ridiculous response. Doing so had been a reckless Gryffindor action, disguised as a cunning Slytherin decision.

_You are more important to me than you realize, Severus._

Merlin, he was a bloody fool for continuing to dwell on it now. There was no reason for it. Certainly, whatever reasons his traitorous mind could come up with were too absurd to even consider seriously. He'd put a stop to them all at once.

Despite his attempts to stop the barrage of questions regarding the matter, there was one question that constantly slipped through and kept Severus distracted to the point of letting simple potions boil over the rim of the cauldron.

After he'd cleaned the mess from the spilled Pepper Up, Severus plopped himself down onto the stool in the corner of the workroom, in a rather ungraceful manner.

_More than I realize?_ Lupin never wasted words. He spoke exactly what he meant to say. So then, why did he choose these words? Why did he choose these exact words to explain himself. There was a reason behind the words, but what was that reason exactly? 

There could be several. There was no way for him to know; not now anyway. He should have used legilimency, he thought. He would have sufficient right, given the circumstances they had found themselves in before. Remus would have let him.

_Lupin._ He corrected himself. Perhaps Lupin had said what he did hoping Severus would use his talent to decipher what he had meant. 

Of course, legilimency would never have been a truly viable option. Since the end of the war trials, Severus had little use for that particular bit of magic. He wasn't sure if he could even do it anymore. Brushing Lupin's mind had been as far as he was willing to try. The bite from the snake had drained him of so much strength, and the trials had pushed him to his limits.

His sigh sounded overly loud to his own ears in the quiet room. Frustrated at his constantly running thoughts, and now at the reminder of his own diminished magical capabilities, Severus ran a hand around the collar of his shirt. He could feel a headache coming on, and his forearm felt itchy.

With a sudden tiredness, Severus waved his wand in the direction of the bubbling cauldrons and set a stasis charm to hold the potions until after he'd had a chance to shower.

For whatever ridiculous reason his mind wanted to dwell on a question that would certainly only leave him disappointed in the answer, he decided that it was no longer an issue he could continue worrying over. He would make himself sick with it all, and only just recovering from his last bout, he had to get his head back in order. He had work to do, orders to fill.

And tea to prepare. Lupin was due to arrive at the cottage in an hour.

**####**

Remus had met Severus three times now, in the lasts two weeks. They were slowly coming back around to the level of friendship they had had before everything had been screwed up. He hadn't had the heart to tell Teddy where he had been going off to during those afternoons. Though everything seemed fine, he was still worried something wasn't quite right.

As he readied himself for tea with Severus, Remus found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror. He made a sort of face and ran a hand through his hair, pushing back some of the strays that had come loose.

“Hermione,” he called out from his bedroom door. She popped her head at the bottom of the stairs. “Could you come up for a moment, please?”

She walked in, Teddy just beside her. “What did you need, Remus?”

Remus sighed and gestured to his sweater. “Does this look alright?”

The clever witch didn't even bother to hide the smile that was steadily growing on her face. She nodded approvingly, “Yes, you actually look like aren't entirely skin and bones.” Remus gave her a playful glare.

“Why do you need to look nice just to go to the shop, dad?” Teddy said, jumping onto the bed and laying back, hands behind his head.

Again, Hermione's face lit up with glee. Remus looked at his son and said, “I have a meeting, remember? I told you.” _And I'm bloody mad,_ he thought to himself.

Teddy was bright. He'd catch on that something was going on. Remus knew he wouldn't be able to keep this up for very much longer. He would have to make a decision today, about whether things had really turned around between himself and Severus. And whether he was going to expose Teddy any further to their rocky friendship.

Severus had been on his best behavior on each of those three visits, seemingly as interested in a fresh start as Remus. True to their truce, neither of them brought up the topics of which they were overly sensitive.

Remus questioned whether friendships were supposed to be like that – avoiding any number of topics because it would set one of them off easily. Of course, they didn't have the most normal of friendships, he supposed. Perhaps that's simply the only way they knew how to be friends.

While they had stayed clear of any of those forbidden subjects, there was still something that nagged at Remus during his visits. He couldn't quite place what it was about the other man that seemed different, but he was certain there was something. It wasn't even always noticeable. Other than the two dozen or so reasons they absolutely should not, Remus and Severus actually got on well together when neither of them was too busy trying to protect themselves from each other.

Before, Remus was quite content with the amenable silences they sometimes fell into when they were together. There were few people with whom Remus actually found himself able to enjoy those silences. But now, it seemed such a heavy weight when one of those silences crept in. He could feel Severus' gaze on him when he turned away to look at a book on the shelf, or down at his tea cup, or for whatever reason.

Though, as he thought about it a bit more, it wasn't really, entirely unpleasant. In fact, the more he considered, it was rather nice to be subject of such a weighty gaze. It shouldn't have given him such a thrill as it did to think about the other man's dark eyes watching him; he should have been more worried about it, really.

He was worried about it. That's what he had been thinking about before. He shook his head a bit to clear the lingering feelings. He was placing a lot of trust in Severus, and it certainly wouldn't do to have his head full of silly thoughts. There was a reason for those looks, and he had to inquire about them. It was for the best.

He'd bring it up today, Remus decided finally as he finished serving Teddy his lunch. He felt only a slight twinge at the idea of not being the focus of Severus' gaze for much longer, but he shook himself again of the thought immediately.

“Remus, you'll be late if you don't get going,” Hermione said, helping herself to a glass of pumpkin as she sat down with Teddy at the table. Remus was suddenly reminded of Albus at the slight twinkle in the young lady's eyes. It was a bit unnerving.

“Right. I better go then.” he said, smoothing his hands down the front of his jacket, ensuring that he looked decently. That earned him a slight smirk from Hermione who had been watching him. “I'll be back soon, Teddy. Try to be good, huh.” He kissed the top of the boy's head and walked into his study, to floo to Severus' cottage.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've not noticed, I don't do much editing, or indeed any actual reviewing before I post. I'm sorry for whatever mistakes you might encounter. If you see anything that should really warrant some editing, please let me know. Thanks.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still writing this. May have lost control of what I'm doing. Maybe I never had any? Send help.   
> Comment. Kudo. Subscribe.

Their afternoon had passed without incident, once again. Thankfully. Remus had treated them both to lunch at one of the very few eateries in the small village. Severus had been a bit rigid at first, but by the end of the meal, he seemed to be quite relaxed and amiable. He had offered to pay for his own meal, Remus had told him to put his money away. It was when he had walked over to the counter to pay for the meal that he started to feel Severus' curious gaze on him once again.

It made him a bit self-conscious. It was an odd feeling; knowing Severus was watching him made him hyper aware of his every move. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and stood up straighter. Just before the young man at the register handed him his change, he ran a hand through his hair.

Remus wondered whether perhaps Severus had misconstrued his offer to pay for lunch. _It was a friendly gesture, wasn't it?_ , he wondered. That's what friends did from time to time, and he wanted to be Severus' friend. He was almost certain Severus wanted the same, although, he'd never admit to that.

Taking his change, he turned around and saw the barest of whispers in Severus' hair as he had quickly turned back away, which is what had truly given him away. Remus couldn't help but wonder what the reason was for Severus' apparent interest.   
  
_No_ , he thought. Interest wasn't the right word. _Examination?_ That felt a tad more accurate. Severus wasn't just staring; he was looking at Remus. As they walked out, he noted not for the first time that it wasn't all too terrible to be the focus of the other man's attention. In fact, in a strange way, it made him feel more comfortable with his own thoughts about Severus.

Severus had so often been an anchor for him. Perhaps he, or rather, his offer of friendship, was the reason for Severus' attention. Perhaps that offer was a sort of anchor for the other man.

Remus found that he quite liked that possibility.

**####**

“The full moon is next week,” Severus said on the walk back to his cottage.  
Remus' step faulted for a moment. _Or perhaps not.  
_ “It is, yes,” he said quietly, cautiously.

“Oh, do get over yourself, Lupin,” Severus said looking the other man with a stare he most probably kept reserved for the first years he used to teach. “I simply wondered how you were fairing with Slughorn's Wolfsbane?  
  
Remus quickly fell back in step with the other man, interested in where this was coming from. “It does what it's supposed to do. It allows me to keep my mind while transformed.”  
  
“Is there pain?” Severus asked, hands clasped together behind his back.  
“Always,” Remus answered. “But that's to be expected, isn't it?” After a moment's thought, he added, “Although, if I didn't know any better, I would swear yours was better; seems like it helped the aches more, among other things.”

Severus huffed a laugh. “Obviously, you don't know any better.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Slughorn is a talented potion's brewer, I'll admit, but he's quite happy to rest on his laurels. He distinctly lacks in imagination and motivation.”

They walked on another minute, Severus' home only just down the row of cottages. Remus could smell the damp earth as they drew closer and closer to the woods that lay just beyond. The salty sea air carried the scent of the rich earth; Remus breathed deeply.

“Tell me Severus,” he asked, breaking the silence between them. “Is prestige still your motivation?” It wasn't accusatory; after all, it was hardly a secret that as a younger man, Severus had craved attention and grandeur. It was simply a question.

Severus turned to look at him before opening the gate to his cottage, “No, not anymore.”

**####**

It seemed that Severus had spent quite a bit of time pouring over the procedure and ingredients of the Wolfsbane potion. Remus was taken aback at first. He wondered whether the work had been born out of renewed fear of werewolves, of him, but after listening to Severus he realized quite quickly that this is what Severus enjoyed. The work, the research, the possibilities – that was his motivation now, that was clear.

Seeing Severus discussing potions and his research, Remus felt the pull of his subtle enthusiasm and soon they were both huddled around a stack of parchment notes.

After tea was made, the two men spent half of an hour discussing the finer points of brewing the potion. Severus could talk circles around Remus' admittedly limited knowledge of potions, but theory had always been his strongest point. He could follow Severus' trains of thought, and only had to stop to ask questions a few times.

Of course, every time he did, Severus glared at him, explaining himself once again in a tone suitable for the dimmest of first years.

“I was always crap at potions, you know,” Remus said, tapping his nose twice. “It's the smells – they're overwhelming.”  
Severus nodded in understanding. “Lucky for you, you had you had help. Otherwise I doubt you'd have ever made it past the simplest of potions.”  
“Too right,” Remus grinned. “Especially before the Wolfsbane. Without it, some things are just too much. The potion helps to mute the sounds and scents... to something more bearable.

“I suppose that is my only real issue with your proposal. Slughorn's potion works. I know it does, I've been taking it for years. I have complete faith in you Severus, of course. Always have. But a new potion means there is _some_ chance of it not working, and that frightens me. It's not something I can risk so easily.”

Remus scratched absentmindedly at the tattoo across his clavicle. He did have faith in Severus' abilities, but this was asking a lot of him. This was asking to leave himself vulnerable to all the nightmares that had plagued him for years. If it didn't work, that meant he would become the monster he feared he truly was. Even a single night as that monster scared him. The thought of a thirst for blood made his stomach churn.

Severus nodded as he shuffled his notes into a single pile. He'd spent the better part of the last two months going over them on a regular basis. Before Remus had come barging into his village, into his cottage, into his life... he'd only ever toyed with the ideas he was now sure he could perfect. Draco's patient, had been his first test subject. That, however, was more out of necessity than actual research. It had been a last resort to the awful poisoning the young man had been fighting. But it had worked. And worked again the following full moon.

Remus could see the tight expression on Severus' face. He wanted the other man to trust him, to not be upset with him. He had clearly run himself ragged for some time working on these variations. And they worked on that young man, he reasoned. But there was a chance it wouldn't work for Remus. He wasn't one to push his luck; he simply could not risk the potion not working, or even worse, the potion causing some sort of permanent damage, either physically or mentally.

The potential for an improved Wolfsbane potion, to work with one of the greatest Potion's Masters on this, if they found success... that would mean a great deal to the werewolf community that he felt obligated to help. There were so many men and women like him, who had struggled for so long, who continued to struggle. He had tried to make things better for werewolves, after the war, but that had turned out to be such a mistake. But this... this could help make up for some of the damage he'd caused with the Werewolf Registry. Severus was a cause he could get behind, one that he could trust to help him and so many other werewolves.

“Tell me again, what are the benefits of this variation to the Wolfsbane?” he asked, rubbing at the tattoo once more.

Severus took a long moment to consider his response. Finally, after gathering all of the papers and placing them back into the charmed folder in which they'd remain safe while he worked down in his lab, he looked across at the other man.

“In addition to the added pain relieving qualities during the actual transformation, the changes I've made and the supplemental potions will help to reduce aftercare time after the transformations – you'll be on your feet after just a couple hours rest, adjustments to certain ingredients will specifically target problematic issues for each individual. For instance, in your case, an adjustment to the boomslang skin can ease the lingering effects on your clavicle, which seems to give you bother.”

Noticing that he was rubbing at his collarbone, Remus clasped his hands together instantly. He looked away for a moment.

He said, “this isn't from the transformations.” His tone told Severus that that was that on the matter.

“As you say, then.” Severus hesitated a moment before deciding to list the true benefit for the potion variation. “The greatest benefit to this potion, to this experiment, Remus, is that sooner rather than later, Teddy will need the Wolfsbane.”

Remus sat up straighter at this revelation. Quite honestly, he had only ever given a passing thought about the possibility of Teddy needing to take the potion someday. In his nearly six years, Madame Pomfrey had kept a close eye on his health. There had never been any indication of anything more than slight discomfort and tiredness after his transformations. His vitals were all relatively normal to other kids his age. His lycanthropy hardly seem to affect him.  
  
“It's too early for him to take it now, yes, but soon. He's still too young to give accurate descriptions of his transformation, his metamorphic abilities are an additional element to consider,” he continued. “The effects of the Wolfsbane have never been recorded in someone so young, someone born with the condition. At the rate of research being conducted on werewolves and the Wolfsbane, by the time Teddy reaches maturity, we may not know enough.”

“Wait, stop right there,” Remus said, standing up and pushing his chair behind him. “Is that why you've been staring at me, is that why you've decided we're worth your time after all? So that you could conduct research? I will not allow you to experiment on my son, Severus.”

Severus was left momentarily stunned at Remus' accusations. He had been staring, he couldn't deny that, but it had only been partly to do with the work. Obviously, Remus was to never know that.

“I admit the idea of someone experimenting on one's son is not an entirely enjoyable notion, however, my suggestion is to experiment on you and to only observe Teddy's transformation, to talk with him. For now.

“He is a werewolf, Remus. As cute and cuddly as he may be to you now, he is what he is. You can keep him away from the Healers at St. Mungo's, keep him off of the Werewolf registry, but that does not change the fact that when he is older, when he isn't so easily controlled, there is every possibility that he will be no different than every other werewolf. Remember what it was like for you, without your friends, without Dumbledore there to protect you.... what were you capable of before the Wolfsbane?”

Remus remembered just what it was like to be the wolf without the potion. It haunted his nightmares more often than he cared to think about. It was terrible, quite simply. The aches and pains, the constant feeling of being tired, the loss of control over his body for those few moments as the change overtook him, they were nothing in comparison to losing his mind without the Wolfsbane.

Severus had a point. And he knew it, deep down in the pit of his stomach. Teddy was a werewolf. He was only a cub now, but someday, he'd be a full-grown wolf. And he didn't know what that might bring. It was true, Teddy's metamorphic abilities allowed him to go through his transformations with only mild discomfort, but soon? What would happen when Teddy was older, when his body started to grow and change? What would the Wolfsbane do to him? Would it affect him at all, would he even need it at all?

He was a fool, he realized. To think that he could shelter Teddy from what he was. That was never a real possibility. All of the work he did to protect other werewolves, and he couldn't see the plain truth about his own son.  
  
His own son, whom he had cursed with this illness. The guilt he regularly felt over the life he'd condemned his son to suddenly bore an even greater burden on his mind. This was all his fault; he'd always known that, of course. But before, there had never been anything he could do about it, other than to try to make the world a little better for their kind. But that wasn't enough he realized. It wasn't enough to make their world better, he had to make Teddy's _life_ better. And now, he understood, that the only way to do that was to accept Severus' help.

Once again, he thanked Merlin for keeping Severus in his life. However important he had been before, his place in Remus' heart became greater. Severus had been the one to help him whenever he felt his world crashing down around him in panic, and now, he would be the one to help him protect his son.

He nodded once at the other man, arms folded across his chest. “Alright, Severus. If you think that's what's best – I trust you.”

Severus acknowledged his acquiescence with a short nod. “And for record, this is not my only motivation in accepting your offer of friendship.”

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but thought it best if he said nothing at all.

**####**

When he finally arrived home, it was a bit later than he had planned. He found Hermione and Teddy in the kitchen having dinner. Remus stopped for a moment, before entering the room fully. It struck him suddenly, listening to Teddy go on about something he'd seen in the garden earlier, his wide-eyed and innocent curiosity about the world around him, just how terribly important it was that he allow Severus to do his work. Teddy deserved so much better than the terrible losses he'd seen in his short life. There was nothing he could do about those losses now.

He had only Teddy's future to focus on, and that took care of any lingering hesitations he may have had about it all.

“Hello, you two,” he said, walking in and kissing Teddy atop of his brightly colored hair. “Hermione, please forgive me for my lateness. There were unforeseen issues to be dealt with, I'm afraid.”

Hermione shot him a questioning look. Remus offered her a tight smile. Hermione assumed it meant that tea and a chat were most probably necessary. Very soon.

After helping with the washing up, Hermione promised to be back later for tea after Teddy had gone to bed. With a quick peck on her cheek, he thanked her again for staying with Teddy.

Remus ran a hand over his face and sighed. He no longer had any qualms about what it was he was doing, but he did still worry how Teddy would react to this new situation. The current situation, he thought, was not at all what he had been trying for when he had first gone back to the village to talk to Severus.   
  
Left alone with his thoughts for a few moments, Remus couldn't help but wonder what all this actually meant. He was doing the right thing, he was sure of that, but where did that leave them? If one read between the lines, which one often had to do with Severus, one could argue that he had all but admitted that the staring had only partly been because of the research. He wanted friendship, but there had been something else he wasn't quite saying.

“DAD!” Teddy's shout had shaken Remus of his thoughts. “Come see the little creatures in the garden. I can match my hair to the caterpillar!” Remus smiled and reached out to take his son's hand.

“Teddy, I'd like to talk to you about something. About Severus,” he said while squatting in front of a row of flowers where Teddy was sitting, trying to grow feelers like the little insects he was watching.

“Severus!?” Teddy said, abandoning his efforts. He'd tried hard not to ask his dad about him, but he'd secretly hoped that they'd be able to see him again. Teddy schooled his looks, as to not to worry his dad, who seemed to always be so sad whenever he had asked about his friend in the past.

“Come on, let's sit,” Remus said, leading them to a small bench. Teddy hopped to sit beside his dad and smiled up at him.

“Teddy, I'm afraid I've not been very truthful lately,” he started. “I wasn't at work today, I was with Severus. We had lunch.” He could see the look of hope in his son's eyes and he himself hoped that he wasn't making the wrong decision by letting him in on what was going to be happening.

“Oh, why did you lie?” Teddy asked, his eyes round and wide.  
“Well, I wasn't certain that Severus would have much time to see us, and I didn't want to get your hopes up.”  
“Will he then? Will he come for a visit again? Or maybe we could go to his cottage and have an ice cream like before?” Teddy began to bounce in his seat and Remus couldn't help the smile that crossed his face at seeing his son so happy.

After a moment, Remus told Teddy to settle down and explained that they would be able to see Severus again soon.  
  
“It probably won't be just a fun visit though, I'm afraid,” Remus said, pushing back a stray lock of deep, inky black hair from his son's face. “Severus and I will be working on something. He's going to start brewing the Wolfsbane for me, to help me feel better after the full moon.”

At the mention of the potion Teddy knew all-too-well, he scrunched up his small face and his head tilted to the side in thought. “Are you sick, daddy? Like before?” he worriedly asked.  
  
Remus' heart broke. It hurt him that his son should be so quick to worry about his health.

“No,” he said firmly, hoping to squash any such thoughts. “I promise, I'm not sick at all. Severus just wants to help me be not so tired about the full moon. Maybe he can make a new potion to help other werewolves, as well, wouldn't that be nice?”

Teddy shrugged and gave his dad a lopsided smile. “That would be nice. He's brilliant at potions, isn't he? And he's going to help you feel better?”  
“I've never known a more brilliant Potions Master,” Remus smiled. It was the truth. “I'm not sick, but he's going to help me feel better.”  
Teddy hesitated a moment before his smile grew a bit wider. “Okay. I trust him to take care of you. To make you better.”  
“There's a good boy. Give us a hug and a kiss now.”

Teddy jumped up and nearly toppled them both over before Remus caught him in a great big hug.

**####**

Subjecting himself to any number of tests and potions and keeping it to himself was hardly the responsible thing to do, and so Remus was sure to explain everything he and Severus had discussed in as much detail as he could remember to Hermione when she arrived just after Teddy's bedtime, just as she had promised. After a barrage of questions Remus struggled to answer, she simply gave up asking, but insured that she would be discussing things further with Severus. While she seemed a bit concerned, she agreed with the Potions Master – they would need to start thinking of Teddy's future in regards to his lycanthropy. That evening when she left, she had to a notebook full of questions and notes. She had been kind enough to leave a copy for Remus.  
  
It had gone rather well, he thought.  
  
That had been the night before, now, as he sat at the kitchen table nursing a cup of tea, he considered how long it might take Harry to forgive him if he went through with Severus' experiments without having first told him about it.   
  
He couldn't do that, of course. Harry was family, was a son to him; Harry was Teddy's godfather. If anything should happen to him, he would take responsibility for Teddy without question. He trusted him to do that. He wasn't sure, however, whether he could trust Harry to not do something stupid in the case of something actually happening to him.

He trusted Severus' judgment and abilities involving all things potions; he trusted him with his life, in fact. He must, to go through with this. Harry would simply have to trust his judgment on the matter.  
  
Sighing, he took the final drink of his tea and cleared the table. He was expecting Harry to arrive any minute. It would probably be best not to have cups and plates around, in case Harry lost his temper.

**####**

 

“Remus!” Harry called as he stepped out of the Floo. “Please tell me you have something to eat. Came straight from work. I'm starved!”   
  
Remus walked out to meet Harry in the hallway and greeted the young man with a hug. “Should be able to find you something, come on.”  
  
“Thanks,” Harry said, tossing his robes onto the back of an armchair. “Where's Teddy?”  
“Oh, he's gone to the Burrow for a bit to play with Victoire,” Remus answered.   
Harry nodded, “and so that we could talk without any interruptions?” He took the bread from Remus' hands and proceeded to make himself a cheese sandwich.   
“And that, yes,” Remus said, gathering things for tea.  
  
Harry knew Remus well. Like he did now, over the last couple of weeks, Remus looked guilty around him sometimes. Because he knew the man so well, he knew that there were any number of things he might feel guilty about – not that he had any reason to, of course. But that was Remus. He felt guilty for things that weren't his fault, and he worried about things he needn't worry about.  
  
He looked a bit worried now, as they sat down. Harry tried to make him feel more comfortable about whatever it was he had wanted to talk about.

He flashed him a wide smile, “Alright, I've got food and tea. Out with it now.”

Remus smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He hoped Harry wouldn't be too upset at him.

“You're right, of course,” he started. “I did want to talk to you, without any interruptions.”

“So go on, then.”  
Remus took a breath, “You know that Teddy and I have been spending time with Draco recently.” Harry took a rather large bite of sandwich at the mention of the other young man. Remus did his best to ignore it. “I wanted to tell you, I've also been seeing Severus again. A few times these last few weeks.”

Harry straightened in his seat and put his sandwich down. “Oh,” is all that he could think to say. He had known about the two of them visiting with Malfoy, but Remus had been clear that he had not seen or heard from Snape. He was a bit surprised actually, that Remus hadn't told him before now.

Remus nodded, “yes. And I also wanted you to know that he'll be brewing the Wolfsbane for me again. In fact -”

“What, why?” Harry interrupted. “Professor Slughorn's been brewing the Wolfsbane for you since Snape murd-”   
At that moment, Harry knew he had made a mistake. Remus' features had suddenly taken a hard edge and he glared at Harry, daring him to finish his sentence.   
When he didn't, Remus shook his head a bit, “I'm well aware of how long Horace has been brewing the potion for me.”

Harry had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

“Why would he do that... after all this time?” he asked.

“I had been about to explain before you interrupted me,” Remus said in his professorial voice. Again, Harry looked properly chided. “Severus is confidant he can make some improvements to the potion.”  
Harry couldn't help it as his voice raised a bit. “What's wrong with your potion now? Haven't you been feeling well? Have you even talked to Slughorn about this?”

Remus took another deep breath. Talking with Harry was difficult sometimes. He could get so easily excited at times. He was every bit like his father and Sirius like that.

“There's no need to raise your voice, Harry. Let's talk this out like adults, shall we?” Remus said. “I'm fine. Horace's potion has worked just as well as it always has. But Severus is working on modifying the potion, working on a new regimen that will help ease some of the affects of the moon and that of the potion itself. Severus believes he can help me, and I trust him.”

Harry's face softened a bit at the sad, hopeful tone Remus had taken just then.

“Look, Remus, I'm sorry for raising my voice,” Harry said, “and it's not that I don't want to see you feeling better. I know Snape is pretty great at what he does, but how do you even know this is safe?”

Remus smiled. Harry really was every bit like his dad and his godfather. Sometimes, they didn't know how to express their concerns for him and his condition, but their intentions were always genuine and well-meaning.  
“As I said, Harry, I trust him,” he said simply. “He's a good man; I wish that you could set aside your anger and see that. If he thinks that there can be changes made to benefit not only me, but other weres, than I think it's something worth trying.”  
  
Harry shook his head. “Because you trust him, doesn't mean he can't make a mistake and wind up hurting you.”

“I trusted Sirius when we were boys, and he hurt me more deeply than I think he ever even knew when he pulled that prank at school. He made a mistake,” he explained. “We all make mistakes, Harry. There were so many things to consider back then, there was so much risk in forgiving Sirius for what he had done, but I decided that my friend was worth it, and so I forgave him.

“And Severus is worth the risk now. The greater good that this improved potion is worth the risk, _Teddy_ is worth the risk. I trust him. I'm only asking that you trust me with this decision. I don't want to hide any of this from you, Harry. Not my friendship with Severus, and not this new work we're going to be starting. Can you do that for me? Trust me?”   
  
Harry understood what Remus was saying. It was true that he was still angry and upset with Snape about so many things, but Remus certainly didn't need nor was he asking for his permission. He had decided to go through with this experiment of Snape's because he believed it was for the best, and Harry's opinion wouldn't matter. He was telling Harry about it because he truly didn't want to hide anything from him, they were family after all. He didn't want to leave him in the dark. He was simply asking Harry to trust him.

Of course, though, that didn't mean Harry had to like the idea of Snape using Remus like a lab rat.   
  
“I trust you, Remus. You know that,” he said. “We're family, and I trust you, but that doesn't mean I don't have questions. I'd like to discuss them with you before you start doing... whatever it is you're going to be doing. Is that alright?”

For the first time since he arrived, Remus smiled at Harry. “Of course, Harry,” he said.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even still reading this? Show yourself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deeply saddened by the loss of our beloved potions master, Alan Rickman. May he rest peacefully.

Remus felt so much better about his decision after talking with Harry. It was a relief to not have to hide anything from him now, and to know that he was behind him in this endeavor. Of course, it had helped that Hermione had taken it upon herself to see Severus about his theories and properly explain it all to them both once more.

Severus had wanted to get started right away with his initial testing, to gather the necessary information he would need to brew the base Wolfsbane for the following month. He wrote to Remus telling him this. Remus had grinned at the note from the owl which had arrived early, two days before the full moon. He was excited.

In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so genuinely excited about something. Life with a five year old who could change the color of his hair and grow scales to look like a fish was plenty exciting, but this was different. Funnily, it felt perfectly normal. It felt like, “of course he would take on this project with his friend, Severus, because yes... they were, in fact, friends.” Severus had already given away his bluff. And Remus was glad for it. After only a couple of meetings, and regardless of the stress and worry it had caused him, it was clear... he was happy to have Severus Snape in his life.

Before, when he had had to live day-to-day, Remus was so careful to keep to himself. To keep his life private, out of fear and out of pure self-preservation. He'd met people, some he had even considered friends, but it never lasted. How could it when he was always so quite about his “condition,” and monthly absences? Secrecy didn't bode well for relationships of any sort.

That was what had ruined his relationship with Sirius, after all. The secrecy. That self-preservation that had been instilled in him at such a young age, after he'd been attacked. His parents had meant well, he knew, and it served him well, because he had survived this long. But it had cost him so dearly, as well.

The war was over now, however. He needn't live like that any longer.

For the first time in a very long time, Remus felt confident and sure of himself.

Remus tucked the note with that familiar handwriting away in the pocket of his cardigan. He didn't have time to respond right away, and he was sure the poor owl who had delivered the note was in no hurry to travel such a long distance so soon. He picked out a few treats and led the owl outside to rest on the perch by the garden. It was a lovely day, and he would have loved to stay home and sit outside with Teddy all morning, but he had work at the bookshop that needed to be done before the full moon.

**#####**

Sitting outside his shop in the late afternoon, having his lunch, Remus waited for the Hogwarts house elf to come by with his Wolfsbane. Right on time, Toby popped into existence just in front of him.

“Hello, Toby,” Remus said with a wave and a smile.  
Toby bowed, his long, floppy ears pooling on the ground. “Master Lupin, your potion is being available.” He offered him the steaming goblet. “Will you be needing more?”  
“Not at all, unless you'd like to have lunch with me?” Remus asked, downing the goblet with a grimace.  
“Sir, Toby is having to be back at Hogwarts school,” Toby was beginning to pull at his left ear. “Toby is sorry to say.”  
“No worries. I'm sure there is plenty to do, as always.” Remus grinned. Toby always delivered his potion, never once late, and every time, Remus invited him to stay for lunch, but he never accepted. “Thank you, Toby. I will see you next month.”  
“As always, sir.” And with that, Toby was gone.

Remus finished his sandwich quickly, mostly to get rid of the awful taste the potion always left in his mouth. He walked back into the shop and decided to Floo Severus. Teddy always spent the afternoon before the full moon at the Burrow. There was so much room for him to run around and exhaust his pent up energy. That would give Remus the afternoon free for them to get started.

**#####**

  
Draco sat opposite his godfather in the kitchen. He had come to collect the Wolfsbane potion for his patient, he would come again tomorrow for the last dosage of the month. Severus was making tea. To Draco, he seemed well. Much better than he had been just weeks before, that was certain. He wondered momentarily if the work he was preparing to start was the only reason for the change. Severus kept most things close to the chest. Draco was sure it was something he learned to do long before the war. He never asked about it, he didn't feel it was his place to ask about anything before the war. In that moment, he briefly wondered if that was a mistake he'd been making for as long as he'd known his godfather. While he did seem well, in a better temper, he looked tired. No doubt he was spending his nights going over his notes. Draco decided to then to keep a watchful eye on Severus. He'd already seen the other man gingerly rubbing at his neck and throat. He was overworking already, and Draco had to make sure he wasn't overly tired.

  **#####**

The night before Remus was due to arrive at at Severus' cottage, Severus was sat at his kitchen table, a cup of cold tea at his elbow while he poured over the notes for the following day. Remus had sent him a copy of the medical file Poppy had kept on him since his school days. Much to his surprise, Remus' file was much thicker than his own, which was quite the impressive feat considering how many times he'd had to wake her in the middle of the night after a Death Eaters meeting and he was unable to properly take care of himself. There were all the times she'd taken of him while he was a student, he could never forget her for that alone. It should not have surprised him, he thought, after all, Poppy hadn't been his primary Healer in years. Poppy kept meticulous notes and files. Every scratch and bump she'd ever treated Remus for since the age of 11 was written down in his file. It seemed that Poppy had been treating Remus even after his year of teaching.

While going through the heavy file, he noted that in July of 1997 Remus had spent four days in the hospital wing. Severus had had to take a deep breath when he saw that, under “Reason for Visit,” she had written in bold lettering, “ **LYCANTHROPIC TRANSFERMATION – SANS WOLFSBANE POTION**.”

July 1997 was the first month in roughly four years that Severus hadn't prepared the Wolfsbane potion for Remus. Severus closed the file after that.  
  
For several moments, he considered the file. Poppy was a good Healer. He decided it would be smart to continue letting her treat Remus, however it would be inefficient to wait for the information he would need. Draco was a fine Healer, had experience in dealing with weres. He would speak with his godson and ask him to take on another patient, in addition to the work he'd already put in on working out the finer details of the potion.

Severus picked up his cup of tea and instead of reheating it with a spell, he stood, stretching his limbs, then walked to the sink to toss the liquid and refill the kettle. It seemed there was so much to do before the following day, and already he felt exhausted. Not for the first time this evening, Severus acknowledged that he'd been pushing himself too far.

Up until Draco's patient, these alterations had been only theories. Work that Severus had thought out, and on parchment, they worked. When he was able to test out a slight variation of those theories on Patient Zero, he knew they could work in practical use as well.

Excluding late nights when he couldn't sleep, or rather, when he didn't want to try, and fulfilling Poppy's orders before the start of term, Severus hadn't pushed himself so hard physically since the end of the war. In the beginning it had been out of necessity; his body simply couldn't handle the stress at first. Now, he knew, though he hated to admit it to himself, it was out of fear. He worried he wouldn't manage to keep up with the work now. Already he could feel his limitations being reached, but he kept on because he wanted it – the research, the work, the partnership.

Remus wouldn't be able to provide very much in terms of actual potion brewing or even in working theory, but he was every bit a partner in this endeavor. As would Draco, and eventually Teddy. With a grimace, he wondered whether Hermione Granger would insert herself into their testing as well. She already had though, hadn't she? She was good, he admitted. With a sigh, he realized he may eventually need her to help with some of the more difficult work.

Sitting down with his fresh cup of tea, he set the medical file aside and picked up an old, worn notebook and leafed through it until he came upon the section he had labeled “R. J. Lupin - Sept. 1993.”

**#####**

Severus had just finished placing containment spells on some of his more pungent ingredients when he heard the knock on his door. He'd left his Floo open to Remus'; he suspected Remus choose to arrive by apparition into the town because it'd give him time to settle his nerves. Remus confirmed this when Severus opened the door and found the other man wringing his hands as he tried to stand still.

“Nervous?” he asked.  
Remus let go of his hands and put them in his pockets. “A bit. Excited mostly. Don't tell me you're not,” he replied with a toothy grin.  
  
Severus had already turned away and was walking into the kitchen, but Remus imagined he had raised his eyebrow in that very Severus way he did and had the barest of smirks.

“You realize I will spend the better part of an hour poking and prodding at you before exhausting you with a number of physical exertion tests?”  
And just like that, not a minute into stepping foot into Severus' home, Remus was back to second-guessing himself.

When no response came forth, Severus stopped and turned to look at the other man. Remus had suddenly gone pale and had his fists clenched together at his sides before relaxing and folding across his chest.

“Didn't you receive the files from Poppy? She assured me she would send them to you as soon as she was able.”

Severus regarded the sudden change in the other man and offered the other man a glass of water before acknowledging his question. Remus declined though his mouth did seem a bit dry. Severus took a seat at the table, waiting until Remus did the same.

“She did,” he said finally. “And while I don't doubt her abilities, I do believe it's necessary to start at the beginning.”  
Remus thought about this for a moment. “You have your own set of records, don't you? From my year at Hogwarts. You poked and prodded at me then.”  
“As I said, we'll be starting from the beginning.” Severus paused for a moment, trying to read the lines in the other man's face, read what his concern was through his eyes. “Is there a problem?”  
“No,” Remus lied. Severus knew this.  
Severus stood up and gestured to his basement laboratory. “Let's get started then.”

Remus hesitated, but followed. He had prepared to be overwhelmed with the smells of Severus' lab, but found it to be rather neutral. He was thankful. One less thing to worry about.

Severus waved his wand over a notebook that read “R. J. Lupin - August '01” and a Self-Writing Quill, then started with “Remus John Lupin, male, born March 10, 1960, aged 41, Half-blood wizard. Werewolf.” Severus paused to wave his wand towards Remus, and proceeded, “Height: 6 feet, 2 inches. Weight-”

“Wait,” Remus said, feeling his head start to ache at the speed Severus was working.  
“Worried about your weight, Lupin?” Severus asked, having stopped his quill. “Skin and bones hardly qualifies as detailed information, I'm afraid.”

He knew there was something the matter, and Remus knew he knew. If Remus wanted to act this way, Severus was content to continue along as if nothing was the matter until he spoke up for himself. He wasn't sure what would be plaguing him now that wasn't only five minutes before. He hardly thought it was truly about the poking and prodding, as the man himself had mentioned, Severus had done all this once before. Albeit a long time ago, but surely it was nothing Poppy hadn't done herself yearly.

Remus took a breath as he paced around the room. He stopped with his back turned towards Severus, and Severus realized what may have been bothering him. The last time Severus had updated his records on the man had been before the later years of the war. Before things had gotten truly difficult. Before they had fought for their lives in the last battle.

Werewolves had little to their advantage. One of which, however, was the ability to recover from physical trauma at a quicker rate than humans. Whatever wounds Remus may have sustained from the war, they were sure to be well-healed over and likely hardly noticeable.

For a moment, Severus almost considered Remus a thoughtless bastard for quivering over a few scars. But as quickly as that anger had bubbled up, it was replaced with an image from the night before, a list of injuries half a page long in Poppy's writing, of a transformation without Wolfsbane, injuries inflicted not at the hand of the enemy in battle, but by his own hands, in pain and blood-thirsty.

Severus took a calming breath himself. He scolded himself for jumping to conclusions so quickly, for projecting his own anxiety onto the other man. He took a seat on the stool closest to him and waited for Remus to turn back towards him. He waited a full minute and was about to simply address the issue himself when Remus finally turned to face him.

Remus hesitated but looked at Severus. “I'm afraid I've been telling half-truths, Severus.”  
Severus' interest was piqued. Remus didn't tell lies. What could he be referring to?  
“You've made mention to me once, more than once,” he corrected himself. “That I am an unregistered werewolf. And I've never had the courage to correct you,” he explained.  
“What exactly are you saying, Remus?” Snape asked.  
“That I am not an unregistered werewolf. I was branded,” he said bitterly. “Just after the war ended. It was done in order to encourage other weres to come forward and register themselves. The Ministry had no idea how many people had been infected in the months leading up to the end. The dark side had taken over the Ministry, the Werewolves, led by Greyback, were out there, for months, attacking people with no consequences whatsoever. We... they... thought it would be for the best. I believed them.”

Severus sat in silence for long moments. He hadn't ever even considered the possibility that Remus had registered with the Ministry. The program itself was a ridiculous sham. Of course, he hadn't heard the news of the stunt, as for nearly two months he hadn't left the hospital wing at Hogwarts. And when he finally did, he was taken into custody to await trial.

Remus was deeply ashamed of it, and he understood that. More so than Remus perhaps realized.

“It's inactive,” Remus said, disturbing his thoughts. “Harry assures me of this. The Ministry isn't tracking me.”  
“But they could?” Severus asked. “And Teddy?”  
Remus stood still, “I would never allow that to happen. I made a mistake, and I spend every day working to fix it with the Reform.  
  
“And yes, they could track me,” he said breaking eye contact, guilty. “I'm sorry. I didn't think it would ever be an issue, but that's no excuse. I should have told you long ago. Harry and Kingsley have both gone through a lot of trouble to ensure it's never to be activated without their knowledge. Harry says it isn't active, and I believe him.”  
“You should have said, you had no right to visit here knowing how much I value my privacy,” Severus said, his arms crossed against his chest. He struggled to keep his anger at bay, but was growing increasingly less thrilled with having invited Lupin into his home to conduct their research. He was certain that, if he had been able to, he'd have raised his voice.

“I know. I'm sorry, Severus,” Remus said quietly. Severus could easily hear the genuine sentiment in his apology. “I can go, if you'd like.” Severus could hear how genuine that offer was, as well.

Severus considered this. There was no doubt in his mind that he should be furious with the other man.

And he was angry. Half truths? They were blatant lies he told, and from the very beginning. Severus had trusted him, and Remus had lied to his face each and every time he entered his home. He had no right.

If he sent him away now, he was certain that there would be very little that could be done to mend things once more. They'd done this too many times.

“I deserve better than half truths, Lupin,” he finally said, turning to scribble something in the notebook. “Do not lie to me again.”  
“No, no I won't lie to my friend,” Remus said after an audible sigh of relief. He moved to sit in the only other stool in the room. He sat at a comfortable distance away, thankfully. “No more secrets.”

After a while, watching Severus continue to jot down information in his sharp scrawl, Remus, not wanting to interrupt the other man, quietly said, “You must now know absolutely everything there is to know about me.”

Severus continued to write, his elbow resting on the worktop, propping up his head and he leaned over his notes. He didn't bother to acknowledge what Remus had just said. There were always secrets. The two of them knew that better than most. Severus had plenty of secrets, none of which he had any desire to tell the other man.

The two men spent the next five minutes in near silence, the only sound the scratching of quill tip against parchment and the occasional rustling of notes as Severus compared information.

“You'll have to remove your shirt,” Severus said, Remus nearly jumped at the sudden noise in the quiet.

Severus pointedly kept his eyes on his notes, ignoring Remus' maddeningly slow removal of his cardigan and shirt. He reminded himself that it was because he knew, better than most, the embarrassment of disrobing all of ones protective layers only to leave on display that which you are most ashamed of.

“All done,” Remus said.  
  
Severus steadied his nerves.  
When he turned, he immediately found Remus' gaze.

“Subject's eyes appear more amber in color than their usual blue shade,” Severus said. The quill worked along the parchment on its own. “Is that usual?”  
“I don't know,” Remus admitted, his hands wrapping around his chest, trying to cover up what could no longer be hidden. “I can't say I've ever noticed myself.” He hesitated Severus saw. “Other people have said the same though.” Severus nodded.

He hadn't looked. He wasn't entirely sure why he hadn't done so yet. _I must truly be getting soft and sentimental in my old age_ , he thought to himself. His left arm felt heavy at his side as he stood and approached the other man, finally examining the string of numbers across his collarbone.

“Tattooed with a needle made of silver,” Severus stated, reaching a hand out to touch the raised flesh, but he caught himself before he could. He glanced up at Remus, their faces just inches from one another. Remus nodded once and turned his head, staring across the room at a shelf of things he had no interest in.

Severus felt the muscles tense beneath his fingers and he dragged them across the tattoo. They felt hot, his skin red and raw looking. As if Remus had only just been branded. Severus made note of it in the notebook.

He asked, “Is it always so angry?”  
Remus nodded, “It's worse at the full moon.”  
“When you're transformed, where does it sit?”  
“I'm not entirely sure, my belly maybe.”  
Severus nodded. “Where it'll be protected most protected.”  
“That's right,” Remus said, turning back to face the man in front of him. He looked down to see where Severus fingers were still touching him.

At this angle, looking at Severus, he thought he saw something. Something, like the floaters in the corners of one's eyes that vanished the moment you noticed them. For a moment, he wanted to search for what he had thought he'd seen, but he found himself turning back towards the far wall. In the corner of his own eyes, Severus noted the furrow in Remus' brow, and stood up straight, dropping his hand.

“You do scratch at it,” Severus said. He grabbed the quill and began to write.

Remus nodded again, folding his arms across his chest again. Not looking at Severus. “I do, yes,” he took a breath. “It isn't exactly painful, but it bothers me. More of a phantom pain though.”  
Severus turned to regard him for a moment. “Do try to be less contradictory. Is it painful, or is it not?”  
Remus took a deep breath and started pacing again. “It is painful. But, it's a stinging, numb sort of pain. Bearable, but always there. The pain isn't why it bothers me though. Can't _you_ understand that?”

Remus hadn't meant to sound so accusingly.

“I can,” Severus said brusquely, turning away and writing even more. His notes would be just as meticulous as Poppy's.  
“Why does it bother me, Severus?” Remus asked, settling down on the stool once again, a frown etched on his face. Severus thought he sounded almost desperate for an answer. Perhaps he was.  
“That is out of my realm of expertise,” he answered.  
  
Note book and quill in hand, he circled around Remus, beginning to note each of the larger scars littering the man's upper body. He would come back to deep, red scar at the juncture of shoulder and neck. That scar would never fade, as some of the older ones had. It would remain just as vivid as it had been years ago when he had first seen it, as vivid as it had been since Remus was just a boy.

There were far more marks than the last time Severus had done this. His writing faltered momentarily as he remembered Poppy's file which now lay on the worktop beside them.

Severus briefly wondered if Remus had ever seen his own body fully. He doubted it.

He was littered with scars and marks, scratches that had healed rapidly but still left the faintest of white lines across his back, chest, and arms. The larger, clearly claw marks, where up high on his back. Where the wolf would have clawed at his own head and neck as best as it could reach. The broader, less defined, fading sets of marks were perhaps left by the wolf throwing itself against the walls of the Shack, going mad with thirst before the Wolfsbane. The ones along his chest were undoubtedly from fights with other creatures. The marks Severus may have been the worst were the rough burns long his wrists, where he'd been chained up with silver shackles to weaken the wolf.

Severus never asked how he had gotten those particular marks, whether he'd had help shackling himself; Remus had never said. They were much more faded now than they were before. He thought that in just a couple of years, they may be just discolorations against Remus' tanned skin. He found he was rather glad for that.

For a while, they only spoke when Severus asked about a particular mark and Remus answered as best as he could. Severus could tell Remus wanted to say something else. He silently hoped he wouldn't, as he wasn't sure he'd have an answer for whatever it was Remus was going to say.

**#####**

“What does it feel like for you?” Remus finally did ask, turning his head slightly back to see Severus.  
Severus took a long moment to consider. “It's just a scar now,” he tried to lie.  
“It is?” Remus questioned, turning around bodily to face Severus.

No secrets between friends.

“Only, it isn't at all, is it? It burns without burning. It sits heavy against your skin, and even heavier on your mind. No matter how many layers you cover it with, it sits there, wide open, and you can only hope that no one else can see it. Though you know that's silly, because _they_ all know it's there.”

This conversation was quickly turning into one Severus had no desire to continue.

“You're projecting,” he said. “It's just a scar. And I much prefer it to the alternative. Would you like me to prove it?”  
“Only if you'd like,” Remus said, his hands clasped together in his lap.  
  
Severus began unbuttoning the thick cotton sleeve. He wanted to show Remus. His scars, everything they represented, were his penance. Remus' didn't have to be. His could just be marks on his skin. He began rolling up his sleeve, his left arm outstretched. Severus didn't look at Remus; Remus almost didn't want to see, but he didn't turn away.

Remus tried to hide his gasp, but he feared he hadn't done a good job of it. The flesh, as Severus revealed it inch by inch, stood out in stark contrast with the rest of Severus' pale, sallow skin. The sudden ache he felt in his chest at seeing Severus' scar, he knew, was much deeper than the ache he felt for his own.

Where Remus had once seen the Dark Mark black as night stood out in relief on his skin, there was only scarred flesh. The scar however, gouged into Severus' inner arm, looked almost charred. As if it had burned away after Voldemort was defeated, and left a dark pool of crisscrossed threads of skin.

Remus thought, if he squinted, he might still be able to make out the shape of the Mark. Like, the Mark hadn't disappeared at all, but morphed into what it was now. It was not just a scar. Remus wondered if when he touched it, whether the skin would disintegrate under his finger.

He reached a hand out to touch the sunken flesh, but he caught himself before he could. He glanced up at Severus, their bodies so close to each other. Severus nodded once and turned his head, staring across the room at the shelves of potion ingredients.

Remus felt the muscles tense beneath his thumb as he ran it across the scar. It felt very warm. As if Severus had only just been scrubbing the scar raw. Remus made a mental note, before pulling his hand away, of how Severus' skin felt against his own.

Severus swallowed at the loss of contact and immediately began unrolling his sleeve to cover himself up.  
  
“It's just a scar, you see,” he said when he was buttoned up once again. “Your mark need be only skin and ink. The pain, the fear, the shame – that's all in your head, Lupin. You needn't be afraid of it.”  
  
Remus felt that deep ache again. “Oh, Severus,” he said, a sad, soft smile on his face. He nodded because Severus was right after all. His mark was nothing by skin and ink. Everything else was indeed in his head. “If only it was that easy, and if only it was true for us both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't given up on this story. I hope you haven't given up on us.  
> Leave some feedback, and I promise I will get going on this with renewed vigor.
> 
> I've lost myself in this, but I'm trying to find my way back. Stick with me a while longer.  
> Thank you to those who have stuck around this long.

**Author's Note:**

> While I have pages of this already written, it's only in pieces. It may take me a while to sort through it all and make sense of it. Bear with me, please.
> 
> Also, I tend to not do much editing, so I will try my best to keep any small errors and typos to a minimum. As for big errors, please feel free to point them out.


End file.
